How I Came To Manifest Positivity And How You Can Do the Same!
Last stop to positive town!
As a citizen and a black woman I was pretty uneasy during most of this year, with ‘dat rona’ and Donald Trump as president. I was terrified. Unfortunately, I was also dealing with a lot of mental pain outside of the stress from the pandemic and the Black Lives Matter protest. I learned a lot about myself this year as well, I learned that I’m a pretty toxic individual with severe anxiety issues. By toxic, I mean I’m emotionally abusive to those I care about. I developed it through childhood (My Narcissistic Family). At times, I have been dismissive toward people's feelings, made fun of others insecurities and, I even gaslighted a few individuals as well. Additionally, I had a lot of anxiety attacks this year and it wasn’t because of the corona virus per say.
In Dec 2019 I graduated college with a BA in Philosophy and went looking for a job. Was it hard? Yes, I had a very hard time finding a job because literally right after I graduated the pandemic happened, smh. As if that wasn’t enough once I received the job that allowed me to move into my first apartment with my boyfriend I quit. My anxiety had finally caught up to me. I realized I had to start changing my mindset and the way I do things or succumb to all the mental pain I was going through.
At the start of the year I was unemployed; I wanted to graduate with job offers and have to choose between jobs as a top candidate, but sadly I was too stressed. Instead of applying for my career ahead of time I was too busy convincing myself that I wasn’t going to graduate unless I worried 24/7 about graduating.
So, I started working as a Cashier at a grocery store but I felt old and like my life was going nowhere at 25 years old. I know right? It was an insensitive thought to all of the others around me who were also working the same job and who made it their career. Were they too, going nowhere? Nope. My coworkers were fine with where they were, however, I wasn't. Too consumed with my own mind I ended up getting fired. I was unemployed while others were desperately trying to find work as lockdown had begun and many businesses were closing. Only places like Harris Teeter were open and I was no longer welcome.
Hope was around the corner
A few months went by and I had a new job as an Insurance Sales Agent. It was the one job I said I would never have, but it was my last resort. So, I buckled down and started working from home. Five months later, I was let go for attendance. Smh. I had anxiety attacks every morning before work. I consistently would tell myself that “I can’t do this”, “ this job is too stressful”, “I won’t be able to do this”. Even typing these words hurt my heart, just the thought of me mentally tearing myself down is saddening. As a result, of me constantly negating my own situation, I was let go for tardiness and attendance. It may not seem like it, but there is a message here, I promise. I needed to make a change so I decided to look within myself to find out what I’m so scared of and how to channel that energy into my everyday life instead of feeding my insecurities.
Therefore, I decided I wanted a change in myself; I was starting to think my anxiety was a part of my personality. I was beginning to wear my anxiety on me like a suit of armor protecting me from getting hurt but preventing me from getting too involved. I love to read and it’s something I have been neglecting since I began secondary school. That being the case, I decided to start reading self-help books to help me sort of, have therapy sessions without spending money; I’m broke. The book alone has saved me from myself and I’ve been thinking more positively and meditating daily because of it. I have re-learned how to properly manifest and how to be happy again when things don’t go my way. I’ve finally turned a new corner in life and I’m happy to share the things I do to keep my anxiety down and ways I’m going to manifest that peace into 2021!
Here are the ways in which I have lowered my anxiety just a little and what I will be taking with me in 2021.
For me, this means to take deep breaths in the morning right after I wake up and at night right before I go to sleep. I just recite all of the things I like about myself and my life and how happy I am to go into the day and make the most of it. Life is pain sometimes, but you don’t have to let that pain ruin your day or your year. I’m not saying expect bad things to happen to you, but don’t expect that you will enjoy everything that happens to you or around you.
2.) Learn to enjoy the little things that make you happy way more than the bad things
This! Honestly, this seems so obvious but it’s not because most of us don’t do this. Instead of enjoying the little things we fret and fume over the bad things like they matter most, but they don’t. If my mood changes because of one little thing or one massive thing, then that is my fault because I allowed that thing to control the one thing I have the most control over, my own emotions. I have decided to stop giving negative emotions control over my happiness. I choose to be happy everyday.
3.) Positivity is the Way to Go!
Again, being positive is a choice and it's something I used to look at cynically.
How dare others be happier and more positive than me!
I’ve learned that repeating certain phrases and words can trick my mind into feeling whatever emotion I want. So, I say words over and over to myself throughout the day to keep me positive and my outlook optimistic. I say, ‘Peace and Tranquility’ to calm myself down or I say ‘ Wealth and Success’ over and over to convince my subconscious that I’m wealth minded and success isn’t a dream but my current and ongoing reality. This way even if I’m dead broke I still feel like I have it all and I’m less likely to start panicking about my current financial situation.
By doing these three things I know I will accomplish an outer worldly peace and happiness that most people continue to search for their entire lives, right now. Why do I know this? I know this because I’m receiving this peace and happiness now as I write this letter to myself.
I vow to continue this process throughout the year to keep myself on the track of wealth and success. I want to have more money so that I can save and invest comfortably. I desire to go on trips outside of the U.S (if Covid permits me to do so!). I want to love myself more than my boyfriend. I want to write more articles on Vocal and my blog blk20something.wordpress.com. I want to love every single part of my life every single day for the rest of my life!
If you enjoyed this article or it inspired you please give it a like or tip. Your generous likes and tips really keep me motivated to keep writing! Also please check out my last article My Narcissistic Family as I’m planning on doing a series about my family members narcissism and will be going in depth about how it affected me. My Instagram: @tamirahj, email: [email protected] Please send me messages if you would like to give me feedback or just to connect with me!
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