My Narcissistic Family

Blood, in fact, dissolves in water, so, no, blood is NOT thicker than water. The word family is used too loosely. T.V shows and movies will have you believe that your family are all good people and that we should be more empathetic towards them. Pfft, why?? We see family dinners and light hearted jokes about teenage angst or having crushes. Instead my family had dinners where we only listened and couldn’t speak because of all the constant attention-seeking or jokes based around how much of a let down of a person you are in your family's eyes. I'm sorry for my pessimistic idea of family but you have to understand, I'm from a family of narcissists.

My family of narcissists are: my father, my (same-aged) cousin, my aunt, and my grandmother. These are members on my dad's side and whom I know the best. I love them, although my love is in vain.

I'm 25 by the way, and an empath, which means I feel strong emotions for EVERYONE especially people I care about. Whenever my cousin is in distress I try to help her but I also try not to talk to her often as it usually changes my mood. Her mother is a soul-crushing human being, and yes, she's my aunt. My aunt is nearing 50 and doesn't take care of herself. She mooches off of anyone who will allow her, including her daughter.

My aunt is extremely manipulative and harsh with her words. One moment she's all smiles, complimenting you and praising you for simple accomplishments like properly removing the smell from your breath early in the morning. The next moment, she is trying to manipulate you into giving her money or demanding you to fork it over. Her face and tone change completely like she's a different person. If you don't comply with her demands she then starts to gaslight you and try her hardest to destroy you mentally or emotionally, like me.

I grew up quietly because I was a timid child, which made me a target for my family. My mother, lord rest her soul, was the ONLY person who would stick up for me and protect me against the predators in my family. My own father gaslights me every time I bring up his absence or the fact that his abusive, controlling, and narcissistic nature are the reasons I don't want to be around him. It all of a sudden, never happened and I'm delusional. I can't even go visit my family before I start feeling myself shrink into a small timid child in front of them. I realized my shrinking was a protective mechanism I used to make myself invisible in front of my family. I wanted their love and affection but I was never enough. Not loud enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not funny enough.

My grandmother who is a pastor is something else as well. I love her and she is someone who I've looked up to and admired but she raised these people. She has her problems too.

My family has taught me how to be independent and mentally tough because how else would I not end up being like them if I weren't. I have my own opinions and am very outspoken now, so much so, I can't tolerate being in the same room as them because I will stand up for myself the way my mom used to.

I say all this to say, if you are struggling with narcissistic family or friends, DROP THEM NOW! It's not worth it thinking they'll change because it's a mental disability that needs guidance from a psychiatrist. You don't need to be the one to change them. Leave and love yourself, then you won't feel the need to return to them ever again.