Hidden Intentions

Deep is a good man yet forceful enough to pursue his wildest fantasy. Attraction is mutual so is our love. In his mid 50's, slightly on the heavy side, medium height; Deep is handsome. Very confident and charismatic, he separated from his wife but is not divorced. Presently living in NJ with his 3 children, he financially supports them with his successful career in IT.

Our parents were friends so we became friends. I grew closer to him over a period of time after I divorced my husband. I wasn't ready for a relationship with him as I was on the rebound. He was confused about my feelings for him, he stopped writing to me. Missing him, I started to write to him on Messenger. For a long time he did not reply. One fine day, he answered my message. I was thrilled. He always had a special way to bring a smile back on my face but he wanted more and I would take a step back and disconnect from our friendship again. This on and off game in our friendship continued for a few years until I questioned myself, "Where is this leading to? What are Deep's true intentions?" and I finally realized it was more than plain friendship. We needed to meet again and discuss his proposal because he did seem to have as an offer for me.

Currently, we are in a no-contact situation on facebook. My intuition tells me he will communicate soon. This time I know exactly why he will contact me. I am ready to meet him but what will my answer be. I have dreams I want to fulfill. I want to have a succcessful career as an Online French Teacher. I love my family. I want to continue to stay on with them. The option of marriage does not interest me. It feels like 'been there, done that' type of drill.

Deep's non-verbal offer at this point of time was clashing with my future plans so my answer to him was going to be a 'no.' I was ready to live-in as his girlfriend and help him share his responsibilities but he wanted more. In exchange for lasting relationship, he required me to live as a housemaid and sleep with him and give up on my career dream.

In the name of love, I felt as if I would lose my self-respect as self-esteem would be at stake. If someone questioned me on my status and identity, I would be clueless. I would be living the most undignified type of life. I would begin to hate Deep for his inhumanity as he would be reflecting his ugly side by exploiting me for his selfish needs. If I refused his offer will he choose to continue our friendship from a distance, afar? Probably not but I realize I have moved on by redefining my goals and aspirations.

Life is unfair yet I am hopeful. Healing from past relationships and friendships is important to move on in life. Memories always remain which make life liveable. People I realize are shades of grey. No one is perfect that's why we are humans as lust, desire, sex, obsession shape our personality too. I would forgive Deep as no harm is done. It has been a true awakening at the right time for I have always dreamt to be in a happy and healthy relationship. I am an emotional and a sensitive woman. I think with my heart so I do get emotionally blackmailed, manipulated, betrayed, deceived in love. The lesson I learned from this friendship is to stay strong and say 'no' to his 'indecent proposal' and opt for brighter, happier future. I am already feeling quite independent, proud and brave of myself to do so, curbing sexism and gender bias. It's a step forward towards freedom and progress for women, believing in our genuine feelings, doing what is right.