FUCK Yes Or No

Think about this for a moment: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you?

There’s a grey area in dating many people get hung up on—a grey area where feelings are ambiguous or one person has stronger feelings than the other. This grey area causes real, tangible issues.

“She said she’s not interested, but she still flirts with me, so what do I need to do to get her?”

“Well, I know she likes me, but she didn’t call me back last weekend, what should I do?”

“He treats me well when he’s around, but he’s hardly around. What does that mean?”

Most dating advice exists to “solve” this grey area for people. Say this line. Text her this. Call him this many times. Wear that.

Much of it gets exceedingly analytical, to the point where some men and women actually spend more time analyzing behaviors than actually, you know, behaving.

Frustration with this grey area also drives many people to unnecessary manipulation, drama and game-playing—like “forgetting” a jacket at her place so she’ll have to call you again, or “making” him wait until he’s taken you on three dates before you’ll sleep with him.

These things may seem clever, exciting, even logical to some people who are stuck or frustrated. But this dating advice misses the point. If you’re in the grey area to begin with, you’ve already lost.

Let me ask again: Why would you ever be excited to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? If they’re not happy with you now, what makes you think they’ll be happy to be with you later? Why do you make an effort to convince someone to date you when they make no effort to convince you?

What does that say about you? That you believe you need to convince people to be with you? (Hint: it implies that you wouldn’t even want to be with yourself.

You wouldn’t buy a dog that bites you all the time. You wouldn’t be friends with someone who regularly ditches you. And you wouldn’t work a job that doesn’t pay you. Then why the hell are you trying to make a girlfriend out of a woman who doesn’t want to date you? Where’s your fucking self-respect?

The Law of Fuck Yes or No

The entrepreneur Derek Sivers once wrote a blog post where he said, “If I’m not saying ‘Hell Yeah!’ to something, then I say no.” It served him well in the business world and now I’d like to apply it to the dating world. And because I’m more of a vulgar asshole than Derek is, I’ll christen mine The Law of Fuck Yes or No.

The Law of Fuck Yes or No states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.The Law of Fuck Yes or No also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must also respond with a “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.

As you can see, The Law of Fuck Yes or No implies that both parties must be enthusiastic about the prospect of one another’s company. Why?

Because attractive, non-needy, high self-worth people don’t have time for people who they are not excited to be with and who are not excited to be with them. Fuck yeah.

The Many Benefits of Fuck Yes or No

This may sound a bit idealistic to some. But The Law of Fuck Yes or No has many tangible benefits on your dating life:

No longer be strung along by people who aren’t that into you. End all of the headaches. End the wishing and hoping. End the disappointment and anger that inevitably follows. Start practicing self-respect. Become the rejector, not the rejected.

No longer pursue people you are so-so on for ego purposes. We’ve all been there. We were so-so about somebody, but we went along with it because nothing better was around. And we all have a few we’d like to take back. No more.

Consent issues are instantly resolved. If someone is playing games with you, playing hard to get, or pressuring you into doing something you’re unsure about, your answer is now easy. Or as I often like to say in regards to dating, “If you have to ask, then that’s your answer.”

Establish strong personal boundaries and enforce them. Maintaining strong boundaries not only makes one more confident and attractive, but also helps to preserve one’s sanity in the long-run.

Always know where you stand with the other person. Since you’re now freeing up so much time and energy from people you’re not that into, and people who are not that into you, you now find yourself perpetually in interactions where people’s intentions are clear and enthusiastic. Sweet!