Baker's Dozen: My Goals for 2022

Usually, I'm not all about the "new year, new me" thing. But things are far from usual now. I spent 2021 coming to realize some very unpleasant truths about my life - and how I'm (not) living it. Looking back at what went wrong and how I came to be where I'm at. Admittedly, still sorting that out; it's a lot.

Below, I go over 13 things I want to change or improve upon in my life this year. While the numb stagnation that I saw last year is still evident, it did push me to get a few things rolling this year already! Not that I had a choice in some of it; some things just need to happen now. From the serious to the nominal, I've got some things to nitpick.

So let's take a look at what I've got!

1) Seek Help and Start Therapy

One thing that became very apparent in 2021 was that my mental health is worse off than I thought. I've long suspected issues, but they just seemed like a few things here and there. For example, I didn't really think of a particular incident in my past as traumatic until 2021 - 15 years after said incident! And safe to say, yeah, it must have been if I'm starting to have worse flashbacks after all this time! And then family drama last year led me to start thinking about the dynamic of my family a little more, and you know what? I'm not loving what I'm finding, and I feel stupid for not seeing it earlier.

So all that and then some led me to concede that, yes, I need to reach out and get help; I am so tired, don't have the energy to keep juggling everything (shit, I hardly have the energy to do basic household tasks most of the time), and I'm finally seeing just how bad some of these things are and what the effects have been in my life. And a lot of these issues seem to be getting worse. In October, I started keeping journals on both my highs/lows/upsets and on my dreams after I cut out cannabis (except CBD). While I've been trying to deny that things are that bad, uh, some of these entries really paint a picture, and it ain't pretty.

I've already begun making this change for 2022. It was not an easy thing to send the email to a psychologist, but I did it. It wasn't easy to answer the phone when she called; but I did it. It wasn't easy to set the appointment I have for this week for a video call, but I did it. I felt embarrassed and still do - I get really worked up on phone calls with folks I don't know and I was more freaking out than thoughtful or helpful. I have a few days yet to answer a basic question; what do I hope to get out of therapy? And let me tell you, that is a loaded question, because there is so much that needs to be addressed.

But I'm doing it; going to do it. Honestly, I have no other choice - I can't keep doing what I've done for decades. I used to tell myself I'd settle for functional; now I'm aiming a little higher for my own happiness. This can't be the best I can feel, right? I hope not - my version of "normal" sucks.

I hope therapy helps me. Moreover, I hope I don't regret it.

2) Get the House (and Cleaning Schedule) in Order

The housework has been a thorn in my side for years.

While growing up, mom, dad and I all had our own things to attend to. Usually mine was picking up the slack when it came to my younger brother who has a list of disabilities. I was very familiar with feeding, changing, washing, and medicating him, as well as just keeping an eye on him. As I did so, I was half-resigned that I would likely be an "old maid" from an early age. Who would want to help me take on the responsibilities of my brother in a relationship? In fact, I have been rejected because potential partners did not want to take on the task in the future.

So when I began dating my current partner 7 years ago, I tried not to get too attached. Chances were it would fall apart like all those before it - my longest relationship before was something like two months! I slowly moved into his apartment with him, bit by bit: first dragging pots and pans over to cook for us, then clothes, then more personal items. We kept the apartment pretty decent that first year.

And then we moved. We began renting his sister's townhome and were there a little over a year; just enough to barely get settled. And then...

We moved again. This time, we upgraded to his - or as he likes to correct me, our - house. We chose it for the closeness to my parents; the whole idea was to be close so I could easily help out whenever with my brother.

Well...

...I basically moved three times in three years. Toss in whatever I have going on with my mental health, and it didn't take long for things to get out of hand. For one, I was tired from packing and cleaning and unpacking. Furthermore, with the house came more work; we hadn't had yards to tend to or three whole floors to keep up on at the previous places. Toss in our household of furry critters, and the cleaning never ends. This made worse by the fact that a "good" or "productive" day for me anymore can be as simple as getting the most minor of housework done... Yeah.

So this year, I'm hoping to do better. I made some progress in 2021, particularly in the months leading up to 2022 - when I told myself I would begin therapy. I'm hoping therapy can, in part, help me get the housework under control. It doesn't need to be perfect, but much like my mental health, the current standard can't be my best work. I used to clean an entire damn grocery store, for crying out loud! I know I can do better; I'm just so worn.

I've been pushing myself to do a few more small things even if I'm not feeling up for it and have also found that setting an alarm and doing a task then can be helpful. Progress has been made, but things could be a lot better. I'm hoping to finally get a suitable cleaning schedule going; in theory, if I can make and adhere to one, it would make things much easier.

Here's hoping.

3) Up the Workout

While better health is always a great aim, the reasons behind my earnestness for it now stem from my fears of the future. Namely the one where my parents have passed and it is mostly only my responsibility to care for my brother.

At 5' 2" and 120 pounds, my brother isn't the worst to try to move around. However, my challenge comes from the fact that I am the same height and sometimes have to lift and carry him, and he is more dead weight than helpful with that task. Moreover, though I have lost about 30 pounds since I put on 40 to weigh my heaviest at 200 pounds (coinciding with the last time I used hormonal birth control), I'm still supposed to be about 50 pounds lighter to be close to the recommended weight! Given that I'll have to carry my brother, I'm all right with an extra 10-15 pounds; this means I still have to lose around 40 pounds to get to my target weight.

But it isn't even all about the weight and I don't expect to lose 40 pounds in 2022 (though I'm not saying I'm opposed; I just like to eat). I can be overweight and still manage to lift my brother - assuming I've got the muscle.

For years, I've gotten by with the typical 10,000 steps daily goal. Recently, I was on a 114 day streak! Between that and trying to make sure I was only eating so many calories a day, I slowly lost 3o pounds over a few years after rapidly putting on the extra 40. But that streak I had going proved to me that maybe it was time to up my game.

One of the things that also fell by the wayside after our last move was my usage of my small treadmill. Thing is, I haven't found the best or most productive spot for it in our home. I used to have it in my office, but even though it folds, there wasn't an open spot for it. I intend to find it a proper spot where I might utilize it more and start using it for a more inclined, faster-paced walk than the slow, thoughtful pacing I've done for ages. Get that heart rate up some.

I have other items I can begin to work into my day slowly this year: a weighted hula hoop, a small trampoline, and the item that I have already begun using this year - my roller. I've tried to use it three times a week and have been doing fairly well about it so far. We'll see.

So long as I can care for my brother.

4) Cook More, Better, and Meal Prep

Following upping my workout, it should come as little surprise that I want to handle my food and nutrition better.

The thing is, I get maybe one good week during my 23 day menstrual cycle. Yeah, you read that right - lucky me, I get an extra 3 periods a year! Ugh. Between the physical symptoms of PMS rotating so quickly and my mental state (and housework, "work" for Vocal/other writings, caregiving for my brother...etc), it can be a horrendous battle to cook. A few years ago, I was better about clipping coupons and using sales to my advantage. I shopped and cooked more often. But it was short-lived, and now I simply try to take advantage of my few "good" days to prepare large batches that can see me through the worst week of my cycle for, well, any activity really. It's that week now, and let me tell you; I have little interest in preparing food and absolutely none for the things I normally enjoy. Most weeks are hard, but the one before my "shark week"... forget about it; I got ziltch.

So what's my idea for getting better about preparing food?

Well, I'll still be taking advantage of my rare "good" days to try and get as many things done up as I can and portioned out in advance. I've been better about making myself cook on these days. My partner doesn't cook, but will get us food from places, so I intend to try to pick dishes with fewer calories there - something I've been so-so about in the past. And I intend to up my protein intake with protein powders; I've already found them to be excellent additions to large batches of pancakes and some are even quite good in place of coffee creamers!

I can't win every battle, but I can make some a bit easier!

5) Relax More

Don't think that my changes are all about progressing forward! While I do want to see a lot of things progress this year after years of being in ruts or otherwise just generally bogged down, I recognize that I need some rest too. Even if no one - myself included - thinks I deserve it for as little as I do get done! Okay, so that's not fair; my partner thinks I deserve a break. I'd say I don't think I do, except I know just how burned out and tired I've been.

So what do I want my days of rest to look like?

I think elders in my family have got it right. My aunt and uncle in South Dakota, my remaining grandmother here in Colorado, and even my parents have all made it a habit to sit out on a porch during some part of their daily routine. Sometimes just watching and listening to birds. Sometimes to drink coffee or smoke. Either way, it's something I would like to incorporate more of into my week!

I've enjoyed it a few times since I came back from helping my aunt and uncle. Nice, sunny days in our backyard sitting at our outdoor table with tea or coffee. Usually the pups are out with me, milling about or sunning, and typically I've taken to this before or after hanging up laundry on the outdoor line to dry, something that is itself quite relaxing to me. I would certainly like more of that.

I also want to start letting our big dog, Aleu, come take naps with me on the bed. Typically the bedroom is a critter-free zone, since I am technically still allergic to our four cats. Generally, they aren't too bad, unless I have fur right in my face. So the cats don't get let in much because they sleep on the pillows. Armando - our little doggo - often sleeps in the basement and hangs around my partner, and he's so tiny that he can have trouble finding his way onto the bed. Aleu used to sleep between my partner and I sometimes when we first got her and would literally push me off the bed - and only me! But my partner often sleeps on the couch under a pile of cats, so it's just me in the bedroom most of the time.

Aleu also sheds like crazy, so even though I want to let her in more, I think it's going to be limited to the day before I wash the sheets each week. That was the case a few weeks ago when I was ready for a nap and Aleu came into my office and wanted affection. Since I was changing the bedding later anyway, I invited her in. She was a perfect puppy-donut curled up next to me, didn't push me off the bed, and seemed to enjoy having a snooze with me in the bed. While I won't be up for it every nap, I'm certainly happy to invite her to naps in the future. She really seemed to enjoy it.

6) Reevaluate My Priorities in World of Warcraft

I've mained the same Rogue on the same server I first created the character on for over seven years. And it's about time that I reevaluate my priorities in the game.

The server in question, Blackwater Raiders, is a Role-playing server (without RP) and now combined with three other servers due to low population numbers. In the seven years since I rejoined World of Warcraft, I've become one of the few consistent mat farmers on the four servers - particularly for older materials! I have supplied the servers for all these years, as well as hosted giveaways in 2020 and sought to help folks get rare tames, pets, and mounts! I may not play the game like most folks play it, but that doesn't mean I'm not being useful - or having fun!

However, with extended time in the game comes extensive issues. While I have created a slew of alts - about 23 of them level 50 or above currently - they're more trouble than helpful in some aspects. While these 20+ alts would be useful for parking in a farming spot and rotating through for fast, effective results, they've been tied up for over a year. There is a mob, Sha of Anger, that can drop a mount called the Heavenly Onyx Cloud Serpent. It has a 1 in 2,000 chance to drop it and can only be killed once per week per character. I'm currently at over 1,800 attempts, though the worst RNG I've read was some poor soul that had 17,000+ attempts before they got it! While it can be bought off the in-game Black Market Auction House too, I've spent the last few years exhaustively moving all my alts out to the mob for their weekly chance, killing the mob, and then having to move them all back to their farming areas. The whole process takes up hours of my week that could be used to level or farm materials. I can't get that mount soon enough...

It's at the point that, between moving alts for Sha kills and the usual farms, I've hardly even touched the current expansion's content. Moreover, with each new expansion comes a whole new plethora of materials to farm. Currently, just trying to maintain my stocks of Cataclysm and Legion materials and a few other things takes up all the time that I do still play the game, though I've also tried not to spend so much time playing it so I can fit in other things. On my days of disinterest, World of Warcraft is often the only thing that I find I can enjoy even a little.

I hope I get the mount soon; it would free up so much of my time in the game. If not, I'm going to have to decide what materials I will still farm, and which ones I am going to have to give up. As general game numbers drop and these quiet RP servers become even sparser, though, it isn't a good thing for consistent farmers like me to cease collecting. I've seen what happens to stocks and prices on the servers when I am gone for too long; those servers do not want that. And neither do I. I've called BWR home so long and done so much on it, I feel obligated to keep supplying it.

7) Less Comfort (Shows), More Learning!

I wrote several Baker's Dozen pieces about entertainment in 2021: from podcasts to YouTube Channels to comfort shows. While I intend to enjoy such things this year as well, I do want to try to rewatch and revisit shows and podcasts a little less - in favor of pursuing more challenging content.

2021 saw me becoming reinvested in Coursera, and I completed 7 free courses last year - and nearly finished another 8 before family drama kinda tanked my drive again. I found that prehistoric marine reptiles and lectures on plants really snagged me, and I'm eager to see what else I find interesting. My partner also introduced me to Masterclass, which I fully intend to utilize more of this year.

But I'm not limiting it to these online courses; there's museums and parks aplenty. Not all of my favorite YouTube Channels were for fun either - some were channels dedicated to prehistoric life or new discoveries. Throw in videos from The Great Courses, and I've quite the selection to choose from in order to grow and better myself!

8) Travel More

I'm also feeling some wanderlust these days.

But with a pandemic still raging, a household of critters that need looking after, and the fact that I don't drive, I have to be a little creative about it. Thankfully, I'm no stranger to living vicariously through other people's videos and stories; that's mainly how I'll be experiencing things.

That said, my partner and I could still enjoy drives in the mountains, or go visit some of the lovely outdoor spaces we have here in colorful Colorado. There's Dinosaur Ridge, Garden of the Gods, and even our Denver Zoo - which I recently won free entry to and we plan to visit later this week! While I thought I'd be happier to win, I am still kind of excited to go; I haven't been to the zoo in years, since I went to help chaperone my nephews on a field trip.

Who knows - maybe I'll even finally try picking up another language again. As many times as I've seen Jurassic Park, I could probably learn a good deal of Spanish if I'd switch the audio. We'll see. Just so long as I do a little more worldly exploration!

9) Read More

I used to be an avid reader. Somewhere along the way though...

...Well, I think it's time I picked it back up! I have several bookshelves full of books I never got to - or ones that I could fancy a reread! I shudder to think how many I've added to my Kindle the last few years! Moreover, I want to start reading more of the stories in my feed on Vocal.media! I'm even considering a monthly Baker's Dozen listing my favorite 13 reads from my feeds, but, as with all other previous mentions, we'll see. I haven't decided how much time I want to devote to Vocal.media this year yet.

But reading sounds nice. Maybe I'll start taking a book out with me when I sit out back with some coffee in the sunshine. It sounds lovely.

10) Double Down on DIY

I tried so hard to do a bunch of DIY projects in the past. I cleaned, kept, and reused old containers. I started growing plants in old soda bottles. I've always enjoyed the challenge - and the rewards. Food from scratch, making something new from something old; it's satisfying.

However, I've never enjoyed hand tools and electric appliances. Like driving cars, I tend to not trust myself with the objects and fear harming myself or others due to my lack of experience. That said, there's plenty of small projects I can do to work towards lessening my footprint!

Last year saw me buying more new items than reusing the old. I made peace with it; I had a lot going on last year. But I don't want to make it a habit, so this year, I want to try and make sure I do more DIY, repurposing, and buying used. Let's see what we get!

11) Color More

My sister bought me a swear word coloring book for my birthday in 2020. While I started to color it that year, I didn't really start getting into it until 2021. I've found it to be a relaxing thing to do while I listen to true crime and cryptid podcasts, and enjoy that I seem to feel more creative after and more likely to do some more writing before bed.

For Christmas 2021, I both asked for and purchased some more coloring books. While the list of coloring books I want is endless, I think I may finally have enough to be content; I've got a good selection to choose from now. From stoners to cats in hats to dinosaurs, I've got enough to make 2022 a very colorful year!

12) Reconnect

There's a lot for me to try to reconnect with this year: myself, family, and friends! I'm hoping therapy can help me out here!

Part of my issue the last few years is feeling like I don't recognize myself - I don't really know who I am anymore and what I'm about or even what makes me happy in most cases - not that I'm happy much anyway. It's pretty crappy, honestly. I think I need to tap into some of the things I like and hope I can find enough of me there to bail myself out.

Likewise, that family drama last year has done some damage to me. In their absence, I'm starting to see some things about my relationship with my parents that I don't like and it's left quite a mess in my head and heart. While the silence has dragged on since August 2021, I do want to reconcile somehow. However, the reason the silence has gone on this long already is because I need help to identify and address issues - things I hope the psychologist can help with. I miss talking to my dad. And miss hearing my brother tapping on his favorite toy car in the background....

Friends-wise, I've always been more of a loner. I routinely go months without talking to or hearing from old school and work friends. I ghosted on my best friend of 17 years about 6 years ago, after years of debating. Still, I'm sure therapy will urge me to reach out to old friends and rekindle lost connections. Couldn't hurt I guess.

It's going to take a lot of work, but I'm hopeful therapy could help me to reconnect with myself, my family, and my friends. I hope so anyway; I've really made myself uncomfortable reaching out for help.

13) Write My 1st Baker's Dozen Fiction Collection

And to finish off this Baker's Dozen...

...Well, it's a Baker's Dozen!

Years before I began making these lists on Vocal.media, I had the idea to create short story collections titled Baker's Dozen. While I meant to have started and created such books long before now, well, it just didn't shape up that way.

However, now that I have hammered out 50 posts on Vocal in under a year, the idea that I could create 13 short stories in a year as well seems somewhat plausible. Clearly, I'm off to a bad start weeks into January without one even started yet, but I have hope yet that 2022 could be the year I finally create my little collection.

Or at least get the project jump-started.

So there are the 13 things I want to change or improve upon in 2022! While parts of me want nothing more than a long, uninterrupted rest, I feel it is important to keep pushing forward; just maybe with the less-utilized parts. I'm tired and burned out for a reason, and it would likely do me some good to listen to my body about that.

I want my 2022 to be more about growth and change - and rest and relaxation - and less about the same things that have stressed me out and ground me down in my 30 years. I'm not sure what the psychologist will suggest yet, but my brain and body are telling me I could use more of the things that interest me and less of those that drain me, and I intend to try that out.

Thank you for checking this out - I appreciate your time! If you enjoyed this Baker's Dozen list, please consider perusing my Vocal.media profile for my other works on the site! My 2021 Baker's Dozen lists are as follows:

Baker's Dozen: 2021 Beats in Review - 13 tracks off my Spotify Wrapped tell the story of my 2021!

Baker's Dozen: Podcasts I Loved in 2021 - 13 podcasts I enjoyed in 2021

Baker's Dozen: YouTube Channels I Loved in 2021 - 13 YouTube Channels I Loved in 2021

Baker's Dozen: Cannabis Strains I Loved in 2021 - 13 strains I loved in 2021

Baker's Dozen: Comfort Movies 2021 - 13 of my comfort movies in 2021

Baker's Dozen: Comfort Shows 2021 - 13 of my comfort shows in 2021