An Open Letter to Myself

The year 2020 has been life changing for me.

During the six months of quarantine, I lost over fifteen pounds, causing me to come close to the double digits in weight. I have always been a smaller person, but as a 5'6" 23-year-old, I knew this was in no way a healthy lifestyle.

I was letting my anxiety and self-doubt control my life. I allowed other peoples' perceptions of me to determine how I lived. I stopped caring for myself, and put everything I could into others.

I helped my boyfriend's kids with schoolwork. I made sure my own students were taken care of. I tried to be more readily available for my boyfriend and my family. The problem with this? I stopped thinking of myself in the process. My favorite quote has recently become, "You can't pour from an empty glass," and I am living by this new mantra.

Once I realized that I wasn't giving myself enough love, it became clear that I couldn't possibly give the right kind of love to others either. So, I made a change. I started going back to the gym. I found my love of food again. I mended my relationship with myself, which in turn helped personal and professional relationships as well.

Fast forward a few months, and here I am. I am teaching during a pandemic, unsure of where life will take me. I am still giving my all when it comes to my students and my boyfriend's children, but I am giving my all AFTER I have cared for myself.

I don't immediately respond to emails if I am physically and mentally exhausted. I remember to eat more often during the day (and the weight I've been gaining shows it, too). I remember to take mental health days, and to form positive thoughts in my mind.

In turn, my heart has never been so full. My boyfriend and I are at the ultimate level of love and respect. We are properly caring for ourselves, along with giving our love to one another.

My mind is so much more clear. I refuse to allow anyone else's opinion to change how I feel about myself. I know how much I am worth, and I truly believe it.

I dance around the house more. My smile is brighter, even on the most tiring of days. I write more often; a passion of mine that I pushed to the side. I read more nonfiction texts, to help expand my mind. I take more pictures and more videos, so I can look back and remember all of the good times.

I occasionally enjoy a good cry, just to remind myself that I am human, and that bad days are inevitable. I make mistakes, and I learn from them. I do not let those mistakes define me any longer. I am an open book of pride and compassion.

I am writing this to myself, and to anyone who cares to read along. It is important to start with YOU. There's no way anyone will benefit if your cup is empty. Fill yourself up, and notice how much more you can give to someone else. Your relationships will flourish. Your mind will open up to things you never thought were possible. You will become happier and healthier, and your future self will thank you.

I'm here to thank myself. Thank you for finally putting yourself first. Thank you for looking out for yourself. You have overflowed your own cup, and now others are reaping the rewards. You are a better person because you were finally able to see yourself for what you are worth. And my gosh, you are worth so much.

Xoxo,

Tay.