A Letter to Myself

Hey, how ya feeling?

It's all going to work out, trust me, you knew it wouldn't be easy, but you got this, don't worry. You have friends and family that love and care about you. Yes, I know, they're back home, but they are only a phone call away.

It's okay to be scared, and it's okay to not know what to do. Just take a deep breath. I promise you, wherever you are right now, is better than where you were a month ago. Or even a week ago.

There's plenty to do around you, go to the gym, take a shower, do some laundry, buy a coloring book and color pencils and go the hell to town girl, or just go for a walk around the complex, everyone has been super nice thus far, this is your time. This is your time to figure yourself out again. Try new things, switch up your workout routine, change anything and everything. You have hidden away from the world for almost two and a half years and it's time to show them and yourself who you can be, who you want to be, and who you are going to be. No one is telling you where to go, who to be, or what to do anymore. And it's about damn time. So let's dust ourselves off, and try again. Only you have the power to better yourself. No one else can help with that. Surround yourself with good vibes, take the time to get to know you again.

You've got your best friend and another roomie living with you. You are not alone. You are going to be just fine. You are going to have the time of your life, the time you've been waiting for since you were sixteen. You finally get to live. You are going to make mistakes, which is okay as long as you learn from them. It's time to put our big girl pants on and get things done. It's also time for you to explore your independence because you've been on your own for 5 years, but you haven't been making your own decisions or living for yourself. And it is long overdue, sweetheart. You will never know until you get out of your head and put your best foot forward, that is all you can really do at this point. What does not kill you makes you stronger. And believe me, after this you are going to feel so confident and strong. It will feel foreign at first but once you get used to it you'll never want to let it go.

Now, pull yourself together, everything is only as big as you make it. Just relax. Take a deep breath. Everything will fall into place as it should if you would just let it. I mean look at all the nice people you've already met! It's amazing what weeding out the toxins can do. All your friends are coming back into your life one by one, everyone is so proud of you. Just stop overthinking and you will be just fine. And about this whole getting in your head about disappointing people, girllllllllll you have got to stop. Mom even said so, don't worry about disappointing anyone but yourself, and if she said it, you know it is the truth. Because in the end, the only opinion that should truly matter to you is yours. Now go get a mini work out in, take a shower, put your face on and a cute outfit and dust yourself off, grab the girls, you've got some exploring to do! And do me a favor, no boys for a long time. And when you do... LOOK OUT FOR THE DAMN RED FLAGS AND STOP LETTING BOYS WALK ALL OVER YOU.