A letter to happiness

Dear confusing happiness…

I hated you for a really long time. You left me just as fast as you came. You were the biggest tease in my life. You proved to make zero sense… until now. So I’m writing you this letter because I want you to understand some things, that I hope everybody else will learn too.

I guess I can skip all the little details, because you created each and every scenario with the help of fate and love. The three of you brought me to my knees more than once, wishing for something better than what I had. So far in my life you guys have thrown me every possible curveball except death to deal with. It was exhausting, but in the end overcoming it was so amazing and the person I am now is only in thanks to you. You out of all three, because you taught me a lesson I can’t even fully explain. Happiness is a mindset, three words, that I will forever tell myself. Because no matter what you throw at me and what I have had to go through as long as I have put myself in a happy mindset than I know I will be okay. In fact I will be amazing.

In my almost 21 years of life, love, fate and you have challenged me. With my health from day one, death of people in my life, anxiety and the struggles continued. Most of those were fate’s doing. But you, you and I have a very different story. From the age that I can remember I have had bad days, and good ones too. Unfortunately sometimes the bad outweighed the good. You are happiness, and when I was young I expected you to bring me joy forever. But that was not the case, it was never your plan. I spent days thinking that when my mom drove away from me I would never see her again. That is not happiness. I felt the same way about my dad and even grandparents at some point. That was not happiness by any means for me. When I was young I lost my cat, and I was devastated, because just as fast as you came, you were ripped away. The older I got I began to see other people’s unhappiness too, and I realized that there are a lot of unhappy people in this world…. In my life. Growing up and even now I witness many people struggle to obtain and sustain happiness. Have you ever considered that it might be because every time you come around, you say bye just as fast. I don’t understand, why do you have to make things so complicated? Why can’t you just let people be happy? Why couldn’t I just be happy? Why did you take my cat away? Why did you take my grandmother? Why did you make things so hard for some of my family who struggles with mental illness? Why did I have to have a mental illness? Why did you not give me the strength to be confident and secure in myself when I found myself in a relationship where I gave up myself for the happiness of the other person? I have so many questions for you, and I don’t think you will ever answer them for me. In fact you will probably just make more.

You know what though, in my entire 18 years, I have made a list of probably a hundred questions. But today I have an answer, and I want you to know that I see right through you now. Your plans, although unconventional, make sense to me now. You did all of these things for the same reason fate did what they did, to teach me something. You taught me that happiness is a mindset, and no matter what get’s thrown your way, if you choose to be happy and positive then you will rise. Look on the bright side, you taught me that the sun will always rise and that it is humankind that complicates it. You taught me not to do that, just to appreciate it and go with it. Thank you. Thank you so much for nearly destroying me, because now I know that I am unbreakable. You can’t hurt me. I am no longer worried about what plans you have. I know now that no matter what if I put myself in a positive, happy mindset then you will never be ripped away from me. I hold all the cards now, I have the better pokerface. I am confident, self secured and ready to take on whatever you throw at me.

I guess you, fate and love have all kinds of plans to teach humankind the hard way how to live a happy and full life. They are incredibly unconventional but once people learn from you guys, they will be way better off. So thank you, I thank you with all my heart, and I respect you with my entire being because now I know how to make any situation okay.

Sincerely one of your many fans,

Jess.