A Friend And A Psychologist Are Not The Same Things

The automatic mode "I know exactly how it should be!" Turns on.

After reading psychological literature, listening to lectures by specialists, having received some kind of life experience, we enthusiastically undertake to save everyone: we indicate what to do and what not to do, how to behave, with whom to communicate,

and what to say.

But these "smart" and "useful" tips only work every other time.

Why you shouldn't expect professional psychological help from your friends? Why don't you need to turn into a home psychologist yourself? Why are a girlfriend and a psychologist not the same thing?

Let's deal with all the "why".

You can not solve a problem for others. 

As a rule, most girlfriends do not have a psychological education. Instead of gently and carefully leading us to resolve an acute situation, they issue popular recommendations that do not work in half the cases.

It is important to remember that a professional psychologist does not provide instructions for solving problems. If the "therapist" says: "Darling, why do you need him? Only a divorce! " - run.

A professional psychologist offers techniques and tools to help a person to get answers to important questions by himself. This is what is real psychological help, and not the imposition of their experiences, reactions, or life scenarios.

Solving the problems of others is easier than solving your own. 

Solving other people's problems, we seem to "forget" about ours. This is because giving advice is easier than working on yourself and taking concrete actions to improve your own life. In other words, speaking is not doing.

Therefore, women often complain: "I can help others, but for some reason, it is difficult for me to put things in order in my life." Have you ever had this?

To support is not to save. 

Why are we friends? First of all, to get support.

For each of us, support is expressed in something different. It is important for someone to know that their actions will be approved. Someone wants to hear additional arguments. Someone needs specific help.

We choose friends who will be the best support, and in return, we will help them as best we can.

It is important to remember that supporting is not saving. By supporting, we help another person to solve the task before him, but we do not take responsibility for his fate and emotions.

The value of a friend is that she knows how to just be there, not imposing her help, not saving, but supporting. Sometimes tacit presence is much more important than an aggressive nudge to actions for which there is currently no resource.

Friendship conversations are not psychotherapy sessions. 

Let's say you yourself or your friend by education are a psychologist. Why even in such a situation one should not turn friendly conversations into psychotherapy sessions? Because real friends are needed not only for tears but also for happiness.

By the way, have you noticed that listening to stories about someone else's grief is easier than enduring someone's sincere happiness? Why do you think?

A professional psychologist does not have the "happiness" or "grief" coloration, because a tragedy at the moment can become a powerful resource in the future. A professional psychologist provides techniques and creates space so that you can experience any emotions as safely as possible for your mind and body.

When you advise, you put yourself higher. 

Remember, the strength of women in unity. When you give advice like "Do as I tell you. I know exactly how to do it right! " - you violate the boundaries of another person as if you deny his experience and put yourself in a position "above".

A professional psychologist will never be "above", he will be "near". A professional will gently and therapeutically lead you to a solution to the problem, noticing any reactions and having the experience to stop in time if the emotions become too acute.

You are not getting professional help. 

There are situations when even a close friend is not able to help you - she is not ready to face your pain, she does not have such a resource. Trying to get psychological help from her, you lose contact. But this is not the worst thing.

There are times when the pain is so intense that you cannot breathe. For example, someone is experiencing the loss of a loved one and a "friendly" piece of advice comes to him: "Listen, well, I had worse. Calm down already, pull yourself together. What are you like a rag, after all? " And a person, instead of therapeutically coping with pain, live it without leaving deep scars and trauma stifles emotions. And we all know what this can lead to.

You don't go to your friend to cut your stomach and heal the inflamed organ, right? So why do you expect your friend to be able to perform an equally deep and serious operation on the soul?

Friendship is a valuable thing. You should not risk it in order to seem omniscient, test other people's advice in practice, or absolve yourself of responsibility for decisions. Appreciate your friends!