5 Steps to Learn from Anger

How do you feel about anger? As I grew up, I used to feel that anger was “bad”. At school and at home, I learned that anger has caused people to do “bad” things, and anger is the root of all evil.

I didn’t want any part of that! So when things went wrong with me (for example, bullying at school), I would ignore the feelings of anger until it "went away." I would go home crying, feeling these feelings build up inside my body.

It was like I was going to explode. And I was sitting there, trying to breathe, praying for the wave of anger to pass. Eventually my head would end, and I could breathe easily, but the emotions never left my body.

What I did not know at the time was that those feelings would later turn into bitterness and anger and resentment.

Later, as a young man, I found that those feelings were turned into disheartening beliefs and actions that prevented me from reaching my deepest calling. I would walk to the bus or train and find myself angry when the person next to me was breathing heavily, or looking at me.

I have interpreted constructive criticism at work as insulting to someone, and I would have left contact with my co-workers feeling angry, frustrated and hurt.

When I finally did suffer emotionally and got that angry, I was afraid it would consume me. Reality: I have used those feelings of anger as a teacher and ways to change my life.

I use these steps to deal with anger whenever I feel it coming out of my body, and I repeat it as often as I need to.

1. Accept it.

I think about my feelings of anger as a child imitating them. The child may be injured, saddened, or frustrated. though you are lonely, but at the moment anger is the only way he can express those deep feelings.

If not approved, short-term frustration can lead to long-term irritability, with tangible consequences such as stiff muscles, insomnia, headaches, and constipation. (I have seen all of this!)

If something has happened recently, allow yourself to be irritated for a limited time (15 minutes is enough). Yell, hit the pillow, call a trusted friend and express it, or listen to some music that can help you achieve that feeling.

2. Understand.

If you allow it, anger can be one of your greatest teachers. That pure feeling can be a connection to the deepest desires of our soul, and understanding anger can be the key to going through it and building a meaningful change in your life.

Keep quiet for a few minutes, and then talk to that person angrily. It could be as simple as “What are you going to show me here?” or “What is really bothering me - what is my deepest desire?” The process of questioning emotions (without judging it) creates a space for deep emotions that arise.

3. Go through it.

It is important to act aggressively in ways that enhance your growth.

For example, if a stranger is upset with you, you may agree that the stranger's actions were based on what they were experiencing, and they had nothing to do with you. If a family member, workmate, or friend constantly annoys you, is there a limit to what you can do? Can you limit your contact with that person?

Taking action steps around anger is important because it puts you in control of your emotions. We cannot always control what happens to us, but we can control how we react.

4. Be careful.

Take a step back for a moment. How often do you lose your temper? Is your anger directed toward someone, or is there something in particular that offends you? If so, it may be time to set a limit.

It is normal and healthy to have things that will not be discussed in your life - things that you will not tolerate. If you don't like people touching your hair without asking, let them know. If there are events (for example, family gatherings) that are the source of your anger, limit yourself.

You have the option to decline those events. People will treat you the way you teach them to treat you; make sure you set clear guidelines as to what you will and will not accept.

5. Be grateful.

You will never let go of anything unless you do so in love. Love in this sense does not mean that you want to be close friends with someone who has hurt you, but it does mean that you have to accept what happened, focus on the good, and leave the rest behind.

One of the easiest ways to communicate with love is to express gratitude. When it comes to anger, expressing gratitude can be one of the quickest ways to vent your anger on your system while respecting it.

If you have a difficult co-worker, or parents who may not fully support your dreams, take the time to be thankful for what they represent in your life. These challenging people may have helped you build up your strength, confidence, and determination to continue on your way.

As I incorporated these steps into my life and began to teach them to my patients, I began to deeply appreciate the anger.

All of our emotions - such as fear, anger, sadness, and joy - can be important teachers in our path, show us what we really want and illuminate our path to personal development.