You Need to Look After Yourself as a Carer.

Self-care is something that I became practically good at after I did therapy for my mental health problems a few years back. However, I became a registered carer last year. I am now writer, cleaner, gardener, wife and carer and I am doing most of this at home, by myself. Most carers who work in the paid profession of caring seem to think it should be easier for me because I am caring and working at home. Let me tell you straight, it is not. I do not get to have holidays or breaks from caring. I am a carer seven days a week, both day and night, I do not get a day off.

Recently I received some handy self-care cards from CRISP (Carers resource, information, support programme) of which I found out about thanks to https://www.carersuk.org. There are 5 cards each with self-care hints on them that remind me to take time out and exercise for myself. As a carer I often find it is so easy to get so engrossed in caring that we forget or feel guilty when it comes to caring for ourselves. This was me recently, I had spent my time round the clock worrying about my husbands pain, that I was only just squeezing time in to do my written work and housework, leaving no time for myself, as a result I became so exhausted that I let everything including myself go. I was even forgetting to eat and drink, because time passes by without even noticing it when you are a carer at home, especially when you have multiple chores to do on top of caring.

This morning, my husband got up in severe pain, and tonight he is resting but still in severe pain. I looked out of the window this morning, only to stress myself out as my garden which I spent many weeks tidying looks like a jungle in disguise. Gardening is usually a therapy for me, even though my gardens are hard to maintain because they are large, grow a lot of spreaders and thick brambles. I usually make time to deal with this, but recently I have been stressing to a point where everything looks like a chore and tires me out before I start. Why? because I wasn't giving myself time to step back and breathe, I was neglecting all things healthy for me over caring duties. I only realized this after looking at those cards I was sent.

Tonight, I set some time to do self-care. I had a bath, had a good meal and a drink, then I did some reading and writing. I feel so much better for it too. Tommorrow, I am taking a break from writing, and if the weather holds, I'm going to enjoy doing my gardens. The day after, I'm going out to treat myself to make-up and bath stuff, buy food and just enjoy a day in the fresh air. All these things constitute self care. I have a plan to start walking again, I used to love my daily walks in lockdown but recently I am lacking them.

I have until now spent many times feeling down, wondering if I am good enough and feeling guilty for letting some things go for a day. I guess many at home carers feel like this sometimes. I do not feel like this every day, more on those days where I can't fit everything in, and on days when my insomnia stops me from sleeping. However, does fitting 'everything in' really matter as long as I am keeping myself healthy enough to have the energy to look after myself and my husband? No! it really doesn't. It doesn't matter if my house and garden gets a bit messy, or if I am temporarily behind with my work, as long as my husband and I are well, and both our needs get met. Housework and other things can be done anytime and are easy to catch up with, but if I become unwell or too tired to manage, then I won't be able to care about the person I love in the way that he deserves to be cared for.

So today, I am here to tell Carers, remember to look after you too. If I am not looking after myself, it leaves my husband worried and he then tries to do the things he cannot do because he feels upset. Also we carers have a right to look after ourselves and spoil ourselves, because we spend so much time caring, but who cares for us? especially when we are caring alone and at home. The person your caring for, does not expect perfection everytime. They understand through their own problems, even if you don't think it, that you are important too. Looking after yourself can take the pressure off both of you and you will both feel much happier for it in the long run.

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