Why am I Still Fat?

This is quite a personal post which is hard for me to write but in the interest of being more courageous here goes.

My first instinct is to write that I’ve always been fat but that’s not true, I have been all sizes, but the consistent is that none of those sizes have been achieved in a healthy way.

I have always had an unhealthy relationship with food, I started thinking I was fat at about 18 (I wasn’t) I dieted myself down to 8 stone 7 by eating 1000 calories a day and living on weight watchers ready meals, which may be better now but at the time were full of salt, I was also not doing any exercise so my fitness was terrible, but I was a size 6 and that’s all that mattered at the time.

When I met my then boyfriend, I started putting weight back on and went up to about 10 stone which was probably a healthy weight for me. Then I started working in a gym and got in really good shape, my diet was still awful, but I was running a lot and boxing, so my fitness was at it’s best. I was 11 and a half stone at this point but that was the best shape I’ve been in. I looked great. I even knew I looked great at the time.

My now husband then joined the gym, I had known him years before but hadn’t seen him in a long time, we started dating within a few months of him joining, and for those glorious first 6 months I was in better shape than him, a state that has never been repeated in the 12 years we have been together, because he has consistently gotten in better shape and I have gone the other way.

8 years ago, the Gym closed, and I found a job elsewhere, shortly after I got pregnant with our son, who is now 7. I was just under 12 stone when I got pregnant and 15 stone 7 when he was born. I have never managed to get under 14 stone since. I exercise 2–3 times per week and have always done so, my cardio fitness is pretty good but my unhealthy eating habits have gotten worse and worse over the years, and my husband who is now really into his body building and can eat everything and anything without getting fat, does not help.

I blame him all the time for me being fat but it’s not his fault, I am an adult who can make my own food choices, but for some reason I just can’t stop eating. I do well for a few days, then I binge, I sabotage myself. Then I beat myself up and start the merry cycle over again, and I get bigger at the end of each cycle.

I Joined noom about 6 weeks ago and did really well for about 3 weeks, I went down from 15 stone 6 to 14 stone 11 in 21 days which was awesome, and it was really easy to follow, and then for some reason it’s like my brain decided that it didn’t want me to succeed and so I piled it back on. I am now back up to 15 stone 2.

I have decided to spend the rest of this year making a fully committed effort to lose weight in a healthy way. There are 21 days left and I am going to challenge myself to look after myself for those 21 days.

I am not going to set a weight loss goal but I am going to set daily goals to show myself the love I deserve and we’ll see what happens from there.

Daily Goals:

• Maximum of 1600 Calories per day
• Exercise every day (exercise counts if it is 30 minutes or burns 300 calories)
• Take my vitamins and antihistamines
• Stretch for at least 5 minutes
• Complete my gratitude log
• Drink 2litres of Water
• Complete my Noom lessons
• Walk 10,000 steps per day.

So today is Day 1, and I am going to write about my progress and reflect on how I am doing every day. The first update will be this evening.

I would love to find some people who are hoping to do something similar, or would like to join me on this journey so feel free to private note me or comment below 😊

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