Talking To My Ten-Year Older Self

Today’s question is: What if you could have a conversation with your ten-year-older self? What would you like to hear about their life?

First, I have to say, that I am not sure I should have picked this question to respond to. I would be 79! Would I be having the tough time that I have had this year before turning 70? Will turning 80 be as difficult for me as turning 70 has been?

Will I still be here? After all, I have a type of cancer that is treatable, probably not curable. No sign of reoccurrence yet. I just had blood work and a CT scan. I haven’t seen the oncologist, but I have seen the test reports from the lab and the radiologist.

Will I have done something special with my pin with the L on it for recovery? I saved my XXX pin. Thirty years, several years ago now, and in 2030, I will have fifty years of sobriety. 2030 seems unreal.

How did I get so old? I have been slowly falling apart for years. Or so it seems. I told my husband just the other day that it feels like it is one thing after another for our health and it is the same with our friends. Someone is always having surgery or physical therapy.

How is everyone else doing? I am especially concerned about those who struggle with addiction, as I am well aware of how not everyone makes it.

My husband will be 83 in 10 years. Is he still getting up on the roof? He was just up there yesterday to put tar next to the new chimney he just put in. And I had to hold the ladder as the wind was so harsh, it blew the ladder down before he got up there.

Is he still lifting weights? How about walking every day? Of course, he is! If he is not he is deceased. He is compulsive and obsessive about his exercise.

He could look something like the elderly man photo above, right? That photo above looks like my cousin Albert. Well, he is a few years older than my husband, so that man could be close to how old he will be in 10 years.

Are we still living in the same place? Ten years seems forever and yet, I know at my age the time will fly by.

Do I still wear red lipstick? I know there won’t be alcohol in the drink in the picture. Probably tart cranberry juice for the urinary tract infections I will still be getting since having the hysterectomy. Okay, probably TMI, as my kids would say.

How about the jewelry? Have I gotten rid of some of it? I love all the jewelry I have. It may be time to go through all of it again and find new homes, right?

How many great-grandchildren do I have? And then there is the great-great- grandchildren? I think 27 grandchildren is probably all the grandchildren we will have but I know there will be lots more greats and great greats!

I could look like the photo above, right? My mother had a blond wig in her 70s. I’m hoping I am not wearing my nightgown under my shirt in 10 years. Oops, I’m already doing that at home. Maybe in 10, I will be doing that in public! Okay, am I?

Have I lost some weight? How much more have I shrunk? Am I still over five feet? Shrinking hasn’t seemed to be any less weight. Shrinking would be okay if it meant losing weight!

Enough! Thank you for the “What If?” Caitlin McColl

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First published by Penny Press and Inslingermag on medium.com