Six of Swords

The Six of Swords is a gateway card.

When you meditate on its image, it is said to stir movement within the Self.

At first glance, I see a woman wrapped in a shawl, with a child curled up against her in a small boat. It's making its way through still water. Upright inside the boat stand six swords, yet the boat does not sink.

There is no evidence on the card of where the journey ends, or when it began, no hidden symbol guaranteeing they'll even make it at all.

I fix my gaze towards it; my vision blurs and it trickles its image into my presence. I encourage my mind to follow the rhythm of my cyclical breath. I feel into the contact of the floor beneath me, the smell of myrrh swirling in the air, the faint sound of cars humming by a busy street.

I inhale. I exhale, and I enter the image on the card. I embody that woman. The stillness of the water reflects the state of my mind, listening intently for whispers of my intuition.

I look closely at the swords, the symbol of Air, concerned with matters of the mind. They appeared weathered, an indication of the battles they have waged.

"Reveal your message to me" my Spirit commands.

Sword One: release the internalization you are not enough, when others are unable to show up for their Selves

Sword Two: release the critical voice in your mind, pour love in the crevasses where self-sabotage delves

Sword Three: release the guilt of how you coped, to the injustice reigned against your inner child

Sword Four: release your resistance, to the calls of your wise sisters guiding you back into the Wild

Sword Five: release order, surrender to your anarchic nature, how you were intended to live

Sword Six: release caretaking, step into your courage and trust you will receive care as you give

And I wept. I mourned my relationships, impacted by the manifestation of our inner turmoil; I mourned the illusions I created around me, so I could feel safe; I mourned the familiarity that felt comfortable, even at the expense of my freedom.

I mourned as I felt the presence of my inner child beside me, on the same journey, in the same boat as me; and opened my heart to the impact of abandoning her to avoid the shame of having replicated to her what had been done to me.

And it occurred to me, perhaps this is where my wellness lies. Not in the light, or the beautiful filters I try to place over my reality to transform my pain into something positive and manageable.

Sometimes it's hidden deep in the shadows of our mind, heart and soul. It aches to be acknowledged, to be integrated, soothed, and understood. & I have discovered wellness within that vulnerability, in the moments where I felt my heart crack open and bleed so profusely it became impossible to hide my pain from the World.

It's emboldened by my authenticity. My forgiveness. In understanding what has been lost, what has had to die so I could truly be reborn. This is the only death I've truly feared, and I can no longer deny it's call.

So I follow it. Guiding my inner child. With our fear. With our uncertainty. Leaving behind the stories & history of the battles I have fought; with an unfamiliar hope renewed before me.

I inhale. I exhale. And I overstand:

This is the year I will materialize the unknown and mold it to embody the most authentic expression of myself.