New Order of Druids Assignment

I think I am taking this lesson in life in a much more personal way than other lessons have hit me due to my past. In the past I suffered severe trauma that caused a diagnosis of C-PTSD with dissociation. I am currently going through a period where I am having to face the fact that this may not be a full diagnosis. I am being evaluated for DID or OSDD (dissociative identity disorder and otherwise specified dissociative disorder). Both of these are associated with early childhood trauma. As such the "emergence of my soul" is a thing I am going through on a daily basis as I become aware of different "alters" and the fusion or integration of those "alters" as I progress through the healing process.

Because of my condition the phrase to "encounter your soul in the Underworld of your unconscious" means a lot more to me than it may mean to others. My unconscious mind, the Underworld within my mind, is the place many of my memories and experiences take place. Due to past trauma, I often dissociate and retreat into my mind as a method of protection and self care almost. It is within this inner world that I find I encounter different sides of myself in a way others may not be able to appreciate. The "alters" each hold their own memories and only a few hold the memory of the actual trauma causing this condition. Because of this, most times I (the main body holding the trauma) am totally unaware of this past trauma and at most remember emotions or smells that may cause flashbacks or anxiety attacks. Many therapists see treatment as being accepting of these "alters" and possible integration of them as being the main course of action. Through this treatment, past traumas are sometimes brought up in a way forcing me to relive the events in order to have my mind process them as memories rather than current events. It is definitely an uphill battle.

In a way, because of my diagnosis, I feel the emergence of my "soul" is something that is happening multiple times. The "soul" I am constantly revisiting is that of my prior self, or "alters" who are holding their own trauma. In doing this I find myself doing check-ins multiple times daily with regards to my spiritual growth especially. I have had the experience a number of times where I have become aware unexpectedly of tasks I have or am doing at the time, which are meant to help my soul or mind to integrate and grow. While continuing to work toward spiritual growth, I find that the information I am researching aids in my healing in that it helps to "ground" me in the present. This "grounding" allows me to focus on present events rather than the past traumas. To date I have found that some of my "alters" hold slightly different spiritual views though through leaving notes and research findings available I am able to reconcile most of these thoughts into a cohesive view of what I am studying. I find that a spiritual connection with others (ie those around me, not my "alters") and within myself helps to aid in this.

In looking at the "hatching" soul, in my case this can take many meanings. As I work through trauma different alters who have not shown themselves in the past due to being "trauma holders" and needing protection from the outside world, may make their appearance. As this occurs I have to be careful to allow this to happen while continuing a strong self care routine which includes spirituality in order to make that new alter comfortable enough to work through the trauma with a trusted person or counselor. This "hatching", in my view, also largely includes the emergence of new spiritual ideals and practices that we incorporate into our lives. As we progress in our learning our soul and spirituality "hatch" into being in a way. We find ourselves as we continue our spiritual journey in that we learn who we are truly meant to be.

In terms of providing "fertile grounds" for "hatching" the soul, I find this is something I have to be very careful with. I find myself leaving notes for myself regarding my spiritual journey especially. With those notes I can share crucial information about my studies, both in terms of information learned and how I feel in regards to lessons at the time, with my alters. I also make it a point to make sure that I have a written list, that I follow daily, for my "to do" list in the morning which includes spiritual aspects I wish to focus on each morning to help with my spiritual journey. This list includes items such as meditation, listening to "spiritual" music, a walk outside regardless of the weather, and a few self care items that most people take for granted on a daily basis. I find the use of grounding in nature, even if only for a few minutes at a time a great help in making sure that I am able to focus on my path spiritually. I normally include this in with my daily walks outside. When weather permits I will try to walk outside without shoes and socks on as a way to ground and reconnect with the earth.

As we look at our spiritual health and practices, we can find many trials we must go through as our path and life evolves. Like in the case of the salmon who must swim upstream in order to lay their eggs to continue the species, I find myself in a continual uphill battle to integrate memories and work through them in a way that allows for a healthy outlook on life and a healthy view on spirituality. In a way this is a constant process of spiritual initiation. The universe brings us to points at our lives where we must learn a new lesson or task in order to move on with our path.

I have always believed spirituality to be a path, not a destination. As we talk to new people and read more online and in books, we are always learning. We never truly come to know ALL that we need to, there is forever something else for us to learn. That learning continues to bring new growth which I believe continues until the day we die.