Losing Days to PMDD

Not too long ago, I had some company come to town, had an art exhibit, and did some travel with my visiting friend. For an introvert like me, I probably took on too much. Soon, I was in the thick of PMDD and living the repercussions of overdoing it. I suspect I’m not the only woman with that problem.

Throwing a dinner party at the same time I had a house guest at the same time I had to hang a show and be vivacious at an opening at the same time I was scheduled to leave town at the same time I had to stay in a house with strangers no matter how lovely at the same time I knew I would get my period was not a smart move on my part. Although I have become an expert at saying no and backing out of things when necessary, I have yet to master letting go of things I really, really want to do because of PMDD.

In fact, I still greatly resent this particular impact PMDD has on my life. It is something I am working on now. When PMDD hits, all I want is to be left alone, to curl into a ball with a movie and blanket. Every muscle in my body hurts, I cry most of the day, and I have that sabotaging-rage thing going on. Though I know it isn’t a healthy perspective to have, I nonetheless feel as though PMDD has stolen more days of my life from me. I could have still been traveling with my friend. Instead, I had to come home early to maintain my sanity (and everyone else’s safety).

I think the most difficult part is that no one understands…well, no one but other women with PMDD. We all get it. One of our biggest challenges is that we never know if we’ll be able to follow through on the things we schedule because that PMDDragon might just take us down. Our hormonal fluctuations can sap all of our energy and motivation to do even the simplest, and even most necessary, of things. Case in point, I recently had a conversation on Facebook with a woman in one of the PMDD groups. It went something like this:

Me: Bleh! I’m starting to feel like I don’t want to do anything, talk to anybody, or be conscious. It’s a beautiful day out there today…somewhere.

Her: Me too! Don’t you hate it?

Me: The worse part is, I’ve had to pee for an hour! Wish me luck. Here I go…

Her: Ha ha! Me too! Funny, isn’t it?

(several minutes later)

Me: The really funny part is that I’m still here!

Her: Lol! Me too!

Now imagine having to run a business or take care of a family when you are feeling that immobile. It’s flippin’ impossible sometimes. It’s not that we are lazy or difficult or unreliable or out of touch with our bodies or anything other than overcome with whatever is coursing through our blood. There’s just simply nothing in our tanks. Zero! Zip!

I wish I could say that I knew the answer to this problem. With PMDD, many women quickly learn the art of being overproductive when they feel well in the hopes of compensating for the days when they don’t. This method can cause its own set of problems; people come to expect more and can’t understand when they get less. Or our somewhat compulsive insistence that things get done drives other people who don’t have to live that way nuts. While others can get to things any day of the week when they feel like it without worry, we feel the pressure of time as our cycles change, knowing we aren’t going to be functioning anywhere near full capacity very soon.

I’ve come to realize that there are times when I can push myself and there are times when I simply HAVE to surrender. Maybe discerning those times is wisdom. Maybe, though, I am one of the fortunate few with the luxury. I don’t have kids to care for and I work for myself.

Life management is a huge issue for anyone with an unpredictable illness or disorder of any kind. The Gia Allemand Foundation offers these tips about PMDD and the workplace. What are you doing to manage your PMDD?