Living with Fibromyalgia Part 01

You know, I really wish that back in 2015 the chaotic move from a single story apartment to one only 1/2 a mile away JUST to change my address so my Rapist of a grandfather couldnt find me, wasn’t the catalyst that sent my chronic pain condition into a spiral down.

But it was, in fact I can tell you exactly when the overwhelming full body pain hit with full force. I was lifting a piece of furniture and stepping off a curb, the person on the other hand jostled and I came down on my right foot hard, jarring my hip. I had a bad limp but nothing else was too bad. That is till stressor, after stressor happened. By end of day I felt like I had thousands of needles slowly sinking into my skin all over. Not an inch felt pain free.

I remember telling my husband I must have caught the flu. I had been somewhat active going on walks and such each morning with my two dogs— but that changed when daily things got harder to move. My husband wasn’t exactly sure what my deal was...he thought I was being lazy because it was what the countless doctors told him

I was just fine.

You just need to walk more, your endorphins are low.

”But I’m in PAIN,”

Oh well. There is nothing showing, no swelling, nothing. So we don’t need to do tests. I had originally thought it was a thyroid issue. Or the stress from my now being acknowledged rape seeping in.

But, really back then I wish someone had caught this sooner, a feeling many spoonies probably have themselves.

I wish more than anything that someone other than my husband (who was then skeptical as well) had paused and went, wow she really IS in a lot of pain.

It wasn't till it was unavoidable, and pushing me to the edge of suicide that anyone took it seriously.

"You'll be in pain anyway."

I cannot begin to tell you how much I was told this, and how much it hurt me. "Do you want to be in pain and just lie there or move and be in pain but do things."

The choice in my mind is bullshit, because people DO NOT just live in pain 24/7. I remember begging my family to understand, I couldn't walk, couldn't workout. I felt as if each limb was heavy and burning from the inside out.

For someone that hasn't dealt with Fibromyalgia, let's try and guide you through the layers:

1. Aching. Remember the last time you over worked a muscle, or perhaps had the flu aches? That dull, deep throbbing that hums a bit along the muscle, it doesn't really let you get comfy? Okay, stick that at varying degrees all over your body. At times, certain areas increase like waves coming and going.

2. Sharp pains: Last time you pulled something, or stubbed your pinky toe, or perhaps got a spiked headache behind your eyes. Take that feeling, and imagine it hitting at random points, at random strength, and occasionally you get a hard core hit somewhere on the body.

3. Weakness: Think of when you were really sick, or just first started working out and after it felt like your arms and limbs were moving slowly, heavily like through thick jello.

4. Numbness: Ever slept on your arm till you woke up and it was flopping around like a dead fish? Okay, so when feeling comes back and the numbness tingles itchy like on our skin and deep in your muscle. Slap that on an appendage, for me its my right arm, even now I have to vary how I type because writing, drawing, typing, anything, triggers the numbness and weakness.

5. Exaustion: So, I never like to compare peoples struggles. The exhaustion that you feel is due to non restoring rest. Basically you can sleep for 14 hours and wake up feeling hung over.

This is all day, ever day, all the time. It sometimes in a blissful moment lets up. But when a Fibro warrior steps out of an event, it's usually for a reason. Our batteries just don't work like they used to.

Fibromyalgia is a central nervous system condition, it was originally thought to be an autoimmune disorder but that isn't the case. Our senses are heightened and not in a cool spidey sense manner. Everything hurts. Noise, headaches, light, it just plain sucks. Some days wee better than others, and many say it's not so much that they can't do what they love-- is that waking up we don't know what we can even do that day till we get a sense of where the pain is.

But, with the right doctor, and the eifur team behind you. Hopefully you can find some relief.