Inside out:

Every year come January first, there are tons of offers for gym memberships, yoga retreats, detox diets, and fitness apps. Literally, support of every kind. Offerings and deals looking to help anyone and everyone yearning for a fresh start. I’ve subscribed and applied to all sorts of memberships in the past, bought all kinds of gadgets and equipment hoping I would stick to my fresh start for years to come, or at least until I reached whichever goal I set for myself.

But inevitably I stopped drinking the shakes, my face massager collected dust in a drawer full of other gadgets, and my memberships, well, they usually just continued to collect. I used to think it was just me. Why couldn’t I commit to my wellness for an extended period of time? Why couldn’t I just stick to this new app or diet regimen? Friends reassured me that they too were going through similar situations. Well, this year is different. Yes, I always say that. This year, instead of looking on the outside, I went inward. To be honest, 2020 was, for me, the biggest eye opener.

I had meditated years ago, on and off but I never made it a consistent practice. I felt like I could never get into it, and now I know why. Everything happens at just the right time. We have all heard those sayings before, just like everything happens for a reason. Well after meditating twice a day, every day for six months, I can say the reason is me. I decided my New Years Resolutions should start at the very moment I think of them. For as long as I could remember, I would always convince myself to start a detox, or a new fitness routine, or to quit smoking, on a Monday. Monday was the day. It just never really made sense to start on a Friday, I mean I had to get it all out of my system and mentally prepare myself. Plus, I couldn’t ruin a perfectly good weekend, right? Just thinking about it now, the energy was always filled with procrastination. I wasn’t ready. I know now.

But trying to better our health is on any account, just that. No matter when we decide to start, no matter how many diets we try, smoking cessation tricks or new fitness apps we buy, we should celebrate the perseverance we have to simply try, every year, to better ourselves. One of my long time New Years Resolution had been to quit smoking. It was on the list for 20 years to be exact.

I quit smoking over six months ago, mid cigarette, midday, on a Thursday. I didn’t plan on it. After all, it was not a Monday. After meditating, I asked myself, why am I a smoker? When exactly did I decide that? What was the need at that time? Was it because I wanted to emulate someone I admired? Was it to be cool at a new school? Was it peer pressure? The answer was yes, to all those questions. I decided then, to sit with myself, go inward and meditate again and take the advice of a well-known guide. I would go back to that scene when I took the cigarette and say, no thanks, its not for me. I did this several times until I changed my past. Or at least that’s how it felt. That’s it. Now, that worked for me, it doesn’t mean it will work for others, but seeing how I was able to break a habit I failed to, for so long, was exciting. Day after day, I said to myself, “I am NOT a smoker,” and it stuck. I made the choice, and it seemed easier because I was meditating. I needed to go inward and talk to the one person that knows me best. Wellness, change and growth needs to and wants, to be examined, from the inside out. Many times, it seems like we are searching for something to help us from the outside. I realized the outside changes when we truly give our inner voice a chance first.

So this year, my actual New Years Resolution was to honor myself. To truly honor ourselves, in my opinion, we should have the courage to try everything, even if we don’t stick to it, but learn to forgive ourselves if we change our minds. We often want the best for our loved ones, but we don’t realize how we speak to each other, or ourselves. We shame or guilt ourselves or others for not continuing the Pilates membership, or for quitting the gym or new diet. I have learned that its not only looking at the positive, but it’s also encouraging someone to be themselves, and part of ‘failing’ or ‘quitting’ is finding out who that is. I learned that I am not my emotions, nor am I the thoughts of others, if I don’t want to do my HIIT app after a week, then its ok, its not for me. I won’t feel guilty for spending money on that app, I’ll know that I tried something new, it didn’t work for me, and move on. Meditation helped me connect to that part of me that can forgive myself, really forgive myself.

Through doing ‘inner work’, I’ve had many realizations, some that were more difficult than others, but necessary. It’s not for everyone. We each have our own path, our own time, to see what’s right for us. Meditation has helped me see that everything is connected. We are connected to everything in nature, as well as to each other. That being said, since January 1st, I have started following more of the Traditional Chinese Medicine practices such as Qi Gong. Through these practices I have gained a better awareness how of our thoughts, emotions and feelings are connected to our body, organ system and sense of well-being. For many years, I pushed my body and put it under stress in all the wrong ways. Now that I am listening to myself more, it has translated into every aspect of my life.

Qi Gong is an ancient exercise that incorporates healing techniques as well as meditation. It works with the meridians of the body to open so your Qi or energy life force, can flow better. It connects your emotions with the organ system. This… is work from the inside out. It centers my physical body, emotional body, spiritual body, and mental body. For me, that is everything. That is the key.

Last year was a life changing year. This year, so far, I see how amazing we are as humans. So my New Years Resolution is simply honoring myself and everything I want to try, whether it sticks or not. I will listen to my body and what it needs. I will forgive myself if I decide to skip my routine for a nap. I will connect with nature, as I have every single day of this new year, for that alone is healing. I will dance when my body and spirit connect with a song. I will continue to meditate every day and I will continue to nurture and show up for myself, no matter what. I am overwhelmed in writing this because now I can see that THIS is change, THIS is self-love, and THIS is lifelong wellness.