I Retired My “Just Shoot Me” List

When we were younger, my husband Randy and I laughed when we witnessed people doing things that we found unimaginable. We couldn’t comprehend losing our hair, teeth, eyesight, and/or mobility. We thought we were invincible and didn’t understand that aging is a life event that everyone experiences — including us. Though this was a hard pill to swallow, the truth is we will all (hopefully) grow old, better than the other option.

Our “Just Shoot Me” list grew over the years. We snickered at men who didn’t embrace going bald and grew out seven inches of hair on the back of their head and combed it over the front to cover a bald spot. Randy would say, “If I ever do that, just shoot me.”

The first time I witnessed an elderly woman with hair growing wildly from her chin, I demanded that Randy promise to just shoot me if my appearance became untamed.

When our parents became too old to drive, they surrendered their car keys. We agreed when we became that old, we would shoot each other.

Life is a jester, and we now are at an age where we accept aging with laughter. So events that once had us saying, “Just shoot me!” we now accept age with the motto, “Just as I am.” We’ve learned to accept the changes in our aging bodies. In fact, we look for humor in the situation.

A couple of days ago, Randy politely informed me there was a long, dark hair growing from my chin. There was a time I would have died from embarrassment. Instead, I consented when he asked if he should pull it. The only saving grace is the fact that age has also stimulated hair growth on him. Prior to leaving home for a planned cruise, Randy asked me to shave the hair on his back — an area that once was as soft as a baby’s bum.

We aren’t quite at the point of saying, “Just as I am,” in response to impromptu hair growth but at least we are not vain enough to not admit its existence.

We have trashed the Just Shoot Me List because it is obvious at our current age, life would be short and all guns would have to be locked up. Now, our Just As I Am List is growing daily. When we said our wedding vows 42 years ago, we never dreamed that a time would come when our bodies would betray us.

We agree to accept each other just as we are . . .

Even when he has to go to the bathroom every hour on the hour — sometimes more often.

Even if I have trouble holding my bladder when laughing.

Even though he can’t hear a word with hearing aids.

Even though I forget what I went to the kitchen for and stand looking into the fridge.

Even after we swear at the computer and call the mouse the thing-a-ma-jig.

Even before we realize the smell isn’t from rotten food but something slipped out expectantly.

Even if I need glasses to see far away and he can’t read anything close up. At least we complement each other and can help with the other’s weaknesses.

Even when the wrinkles set in, the skin sags, and the body cramps.

I appreciate my parents. They taught me how to grow old gracefully. They used to laugh and make jokes about aging. I remember them saying, “When we go to bed, we leave more on the counter than we take with us.” They were referring to her wig, false teeth, leg braces, glasses, and hearing aids. Add his hearing aids, glasses, false teeth, and walking cane to the pile and it grew quite large.