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Human Healing

If we learn by discernment, we are halfway home.

By Kate QuinnPublished 7 years ago 16 min read
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The only way I feel we can make a difference in the world is allow people to be where they are emotionally, even if those emotions aren’t “positive.” In fact, I don’t think the words “positive” and “negative” belong in anything meant to be helpful to ourselves or others. Telling somebody not to be “negative,” promotes conflict and mistrust.

I hear many people who call themselves healers complain loudly about "complainers." Talk about an oxymoron! I have had sessions with healers who literally would shut me down and go on a diatribe about themselves and why no one should "complain." Meanwhile, they're complaining through my session about the stress these "complainers" put on them.

Real Healing is not about tiptoeing on eggshells with people. Not even a well-renowned spiritual healer/teacher has the right to demand we "suck up" to their demands for "enlightenment." Not that they would use that terminology, but you get the idea.

I'm an energy healer who faces down darkness in my mind and soul, the best way I can. This is the only way I can tap into clean energy for the healing of others. Why do I want to heal humans? Simple. I am not satisfied just apathetically leaving things as they are and ignoring it. I want a better world. What we have now has too much toxic waste not to want to help clean it up.

Many of us are realizing that we are simply not going to make it very much longer going the way we’ve been going for too long. If people keep writing the same prescriptions for humanity while preaching healing and light… they are going to alienate other people. Not all of them, but those who want more than the same old formula.

We do nobody any good putting on a facade of "calm," or not showing that we, too, have our hurts. We are all in this together. No healer is more "enlightened" than those they are healing. They have better coping skills, but trying to hide, and worse, not healing our own hurts, will hurt the relationship between healer and client. This is part of what leads to lashing out about people who "complain," without a clear idea of why they're angry at these complainers.

Let's take this to a more general level of communication, not just that between healer and client.

Have you ever told someone to stop "holding on" to their pain from the past or even the now? Ask yourself this. Are they really holding on to their pain because they "like" it? Or have they just never had the opportunity to express and get it out? To feel validated and supported in their very real feelings? How often have your own feelings been stepped on, dismissed, or labeled as "negative?" It doesn't help people, or yourself to do that to them. Trust me, I know from being on both sides of that scenario.

It's always beautiful to me to see someone encouraged to just cry when they need to. It's an honor for me to witness tears. Some people get uncomfortable, but there is too much validation for others' uncomfortable feelings around emotions, than for the emotions themselves.

How many times have you had a conversation that turned to a personal matter that upset you? How often has the person you were talking with suddenly made an excuse to leave, or told you you're making them uncomfortable? How did that work out for you? Let me guess. You stifled your tears and did what you could do to comfort and validate the person who stifled and dismissed your own truth. How is that fair to you though?

Emotions are not always going to resemble "pretty flowers." Sometimes they are like weeds and poison ivy. If you're a gardener, you remove weeds and plants that will harm, not heal, the other plants you are managing. You remove the problems by digging into the earth and taking out the weeds. Our minds, our psyches are a lot like gardens. Bad feelings are like weeds. We remove them by acknowledging them, first and foremost. Then, we know what to do to release and keep them from taking over the rest of our lives. Talking, writing, exercise, crying, whatever works for a healthy release, eventually balances us out again. If you do nothing to acknowledge the bad feelings, i.e. "weeds?" It's no different than a paranoid gardener afraid to get poison ivy, who lets it grow, along with the other weeds that inevitably end up taking over his whole garden.

We know that, but sometimes I want to scream in frustration when someone behaves as if they're shocked when someone breaks down weeping. Or, is otherwise upset by whatever they're going through in life. If no one can cry, they can't feel and thereby KNOW what is wrong with the world. If they don't know, they don't know what needs to be changed, first and foremost with themselves.

Some people go out of their way to deny the existence of dark forces. By "dark forces," I don't mean supernatural things like vampires or ghosts. I mean those psychological or cultural formulas we are fed daily, telling us how to feel, how to think, how to BE. Whether it comes from inside of us or from some outside source, it doesn't matter. It's all about what we do with the information, how we internalize it. Anything that urges us to deny our core truth comes from a very dark place. A place of fear, jealousy, and denial of our own reality, which we do, indeed, create.

There are lightworkers who insist words to the effect that talking about darkness gives it power over you. No, it doesn't. It does the opposite! Talking about darkness allows you to see fully what its effect in your life is, you then develop the power to look through the darkness and see the light at the end of the tunnel. You can only do that by facing down your fear of what you're most afraid of. You will get nowhere if you pretend you're not afraid of anything.

Some energy healers are literally obsessed with "positive thinking." Their refusal to acknowledge or allow full release of whatever is labeled "negative," ends up being a dark force in and of itself. We then get sucked in and end up pulling the wool over our own eyes, while the rose-colored glasses salesperson insists the "Divine" is speaking through them.

It gets worse when someone is carrying hurt from someone who abused or even raped them. There are people that won't let you talk too much about them in "negative, derisive ways," i.e. calling them names, cursing them in venting or healing sessions. That's supposed to be taboo. You can discuss the guy you were dating who slipped you "Special K" and raped you, but you can't call him an a-hole or a demon or narcissist. These healers won't have that. They'll jump right in and correct you, insisting that that man who raped you was put in your life for a “divine purpose” and to “send him love, love, love!” It's one thing to recognize that which makes you stronger rather than kills you. You also want to release the anger and fear that has paralyzed you for so long, thanks to what that man did to you. However, you can’t send love to a dark force, it will eat it up AND turn around and hit you with a punch you don’t see coming. Forgiveness is a part of love, and when you forgive another you love them. That is giving them some of your energy. The problem is, some people just refuse to use that energy for anything but hurting other innocent people like yourself.

So does this mean we can't forgive them?? Doesn't forgiving others for their trespasses allow us full healing?

Not necessarily, depending on the person we're forgiving. Or HOW we are actually forgiving.

We can say, "Okay it's done, that person hurt me. I can't change what he/she did, so I need to accept that this happened, and move forward. I also can't hate them for the rest of my life because that hurts me more than it does them. I don't have to love them. But I can acknowledge their actions and release myself from that. I can detach and emotionally separate from them." In other words, even if we don't "forgive," we are letting go. We are not hating or seeking vengeance. However we are not going to spend time praying for our rapists or abusers, or, as some lightworkers might encourage, hold out hope that we can be friends with them or love them like family. Or worse...get back together romantically with them!

You would be surprised at how far some who call themselves lightworkers will go with advice like that. The only thing we can do about rapists, violent people or other abusers, is to disassociate from them as best we can. Don't even remotely think that at some point we have got to work alongside them or otherwise be part of their lives for the purpose of "healing the world."

We've all heard and seen the man or woman who seems to have come out of that "Amazing Grace" song. For those who don't know, it was written by a slave owner, I think from the Civil War era. He finally saw the harm he was doing to the slaves and others around him, and let God change him for the better. We see those people declaring their renunciation of selfish, evil behavior, and are inspired by them. Unfortunately, it doesn't always end up being real.

That same person can preach a good game but then? Look out! So they've called you on the phone making their amends. They open the door for communication and tell you don't have to talk to them but that they'll always love you. You take a chance, and start talking with them again. You trust them, start to believe in them, celebrate them as they share their story of enlightenment and personal integrity. You believe that now they are showing their true selves, and it is beautiful. You want to be a part of this bright light that now seems to be very strong in these people who once harmed you to near paralysis.

Then–BANG! They shoot you in the head from behind. In the same cowardly, evil way they’ve always done everything else.

I am not saying everyone who lives in darkness can't find the light eventually. They can. We need to allow for the possibility. We can send prayers of encouragement. Call them out if needed, telling them if they want it, they can improve their lives. That of course, takes knowing and being truthful about what needs to heal within.

There are people who constantly blame others for their problems and go out of their way to get useless “revenge” by attacking not only those who hurt them, but where they come from. I'm talking about background, say, being raised in a city or country area, in a poor, rich or somewhere-in-between area. Not only are the abusers called out, so are everyone who shares their political beliefs, faith, values, whatnot. Many innocent people are hurt by this kind of blaming.

This is NOT growth, people.

Let's say for an example, Jane Blow is a Republican. She was domestically abused in a marriage by a twisted narcissist who happens to be a Democrat. This sad, very evil man not only beat Jane black and blue, he also called her a "facist pig," or words to that effect, morning and night to make his own political beliefs seem better than hers.

Jane Blow gets out of the marriage, files charges and her ex-hubby is imprisoned for however many years, has to go to anger management, whatnot. Now? To "heal" herself and others, Jane goes on a mission to enlighten everyone on the planet about the "evil, twisted liberal LEFT!"

No. Blaming all the Democrats, liberals or whatnot, in America for one person's harmful nature isn't going to help Jane heal. All it will do is confuse the heck out of everyone at best, and emotionally batter them at worst.

Seeing people as individuals is the only way. It's safe to say that President Obama, when still in office, did not endorse a warrant for Jane Blow's abuse and "hire" her ex-husband to do it. No. Her ex-husband was a sick, psychotic monster who used his own and Jane's politics to justify his behavior. Nothing more, nothing less.

All that is just one example of how blame and anger can get way out of hand. However, most people are able to see this and redirect their anger and eventually release it. Others, however? Not only do they never learn not to blame innocent people for their problems or traumas, they do not care. They don't want to hear anything but they are right in all things. These are the people who choose narcissism over actual healing and compassion for humanity.

At those times, we have no choice but to walk away. Walk away and take care of ourselves. Weed out what really isn't going to work. Who knows, maybe Jane Blow WILL learn a thing or two, and not be a narcissist after all. Sometimes, it takes everyone walking away from them to really make them think. Many is the time when, all alone with no more friends beside him/her to support their lies, a person will finally turn within, to something Greater than themselves–a power within that they never knew they had. When they can do that? Then they are truly CAPABLE of getting in touch with their truth.

This is wonderful. I believe it can happen and a lot of people want it. I believe we CAN heal ourselves and each other but we have to WANT it enough.

This means KEEPING IT REAL.

Allow yourselves the right to get angry, please. Don’t be afraid. So a person cringes when you show anger, say by throwing dishware, furniture and swearing loudly. Ask anyone uncomfortable to leave your house if they are at your home, or if they live with you, go into another room and have your rant without worrying about what others think. Anger can serve us well... it keeps us fighting! We focus it in a way that benefits us to stay aware, and help others become aware. We never, of course, want to use anger to kill people or stoop down to a level of darkness. More war will NOT do anything but keep things going around in circles.

The pain of the world is not just anger-provoking, either. It is downright devastating and it hurts our hearts. Tears often come at times like this, and I say God Bless the one who cries. I am a believer in crying, and highly encourage those who are hurting to just weep. Cry for the ones you could not help, cry for those parts of the world that continue to suffer. Do not be ashamed to cry for YOURSELVES too, for the energy you put into trying to help one who too often rejected your help. You feel helpless, you cannot do it alone! You feel so lost sometimes, just sad, like a doctor feels grief for not being able to save a patient from a mortal gun wound or something else. Your energy is drained at this time, and this said? YOU need to heal now. Part of healing is getting fully honest and unafraid of how we express our emotions. A good honest cry is one of the best ways to release the helplessness, and give you strength once again.

Let a person cry. Don’t interrupt them. If you're uncomfortable, look within yourself. What makes you uncomfortable? Were you shamed and bullied for crying yourself? What can you do about that then?

Crying is a healthy release of stress and toxicity within a person. You try to stop yourself or another person from crying, and worse, insist tears are weak? You need to learn to reprogram that thinking, which means validating your own tears.

Stop shaming yourself for your emotions. We don't learn to control our emotions by stifling and denying them. We learn to USE them, rather than letting them use us. Everyone needs to stop being squeamish and just accept that we all have feelings and if they are not allowed to come out of us? They WILL result in destructive behavior. We don’t want that.

Crying should be a part of everyone’s schedule, depending on their individual healing needs. Those who were shamed for crying and reacted by stuffing in too many tears, would benefit from letting it out. Make time for a good cry as often as possible, either once a day or three times a week. Have handy a large box of Kleenex or a hankie and thoroughly embrace the process of deep, shameless sobbing. Watch a sad old movie if that helps, or listen to a tear-jerking piece of music. As you weep, study the tears if need be. Rejoice in the cleansing salt water flowing from your eyes. Your eyes will see so much clearer for it!

Almost always, after the storm, there is laughter. That, of course, is an excellent healer. Let yourself laugh, and for god’s sake, dance! Move around to a great song and don’t even think about whether your dance skills are “good” enough. If you’re off the rhythm, just do it anyway. Dance, and laugh. Sing along to a great song. Laugh. Get all your yayas out. You will feel so much better. Enjoy the child within that laughs and laughs… right from the belly.

Maybe you’ll want to take a nap after so much release. Do it! Allow your body to rest and recharge. It’s natural. If you are at work for forty hours a week, fine. Give yourself an hour or two every day to experience whatever you need. You don’t have to get angry, cry, laugh and dance all in one day…work your way up. Make time for weeping one day, the next day getting pissed and throwing things in your Anger room. The next day, laugh, while watching a great comedy movie or comedy skit. The next day, dance. Remember that song, “I hope you dance?” DO it. You can. You need no particular order for however you need to express yourself. YOU know what you need, at any given moment.

Finally, if you are creative–create something! Paint a picture, create a sculpture from clay, play a guitar, a piano, some drums and sing! Sing your heart out. Write a song Write a blog. Write a story, a novel! You will be SO cleared up after expressing and letting out ALL that has been blocking you.

If you have friends who can witness your releases of tears and anger, as well as laughter, dancing and/or singing, these people are blessed gifts. I encourage all of you to do this for yourselves. It will get easier, even wonderful to witness another releasing the pain. You are HEALING them and in turn you release yourself even more!

Love and beauty is what we all need to share with each other but first we must allow it to be infused into our own souls. Then… our gifts are boundless!

Bless you all. The Healing Train has arrived. All aboard!

spiritualityself care
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About the Creator

Kate Quinn

"“Don't step into lives that aren't yours, make choices that aren't nourishing, or dance stiffly for years with the wrong partner, or parts of yourself.”

― S.A.R.K.

“A room without books is like a body without a soul.”

― Marcus Tullius Cicero

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