Hopeless Ro-maniac

A quote that feels salient now is one of the late Heather Heyer made famous. "If you're not outraged you're not paying attention," the woman slain in the act of domestic terror a few weeks ago said. Emotionally, it seems as if people take life day-to-day cringing and waiting for the doom, whether it's family drama, political drama etc. The worst part is the anticipation, you are waiting pressured, stressed, tossing and turning in bed at night from the uncertainty. This deducts years from lives, makes children cry to their parents at night wondering if the person that calls themselves the president is going to have them deported, have them arrested, have them forced and abused by armed cops.

The concept of joy seems very much closer to the imagination than that of reality. This is something that the more studious of us are taught. (Especially being a black-young-woman). We are taught to be cautious, strong, and guarded, and any obscurity from that makes you deviant. Coming from the black community where capitalism literally uses and abuses us, does not help in this daily struggle which makes it harder to get a job, keep a job, keep finances, keep the bills paid, keep us out of jail, out of drugs to cope with pain, and then if we add any other factors (disability, sexuality... etc.).

The reason why I called this piece "Hopeless Ro-maniac" is that it feels like with so much open hate, in addition to the implicit bias, this patriarchy system that allows men to demean and belittle women which slowly chips at patience, it seems that the images that we are shown and taught are literally here to drive us crazy, maniacal. The joys in life come sometimes from relating to someone's pains and struggles. This collective issue with people of color is a tragedy. Why do we always have to come together in struggle? This is what makes us who we are, a collective struggle, but this is the deadly stuff. Letting things like family pain rot, staying silent, feeding into the "stay down, stay quiet, stay small, stay in the background."

If we make our mission to be more vocal, (yes, a little play on words here) to call on the people who represent us, (I learned this from my modern-day freedom-teacher Alicia Garza), to relax more, to take care of our health, to sit down and check-up on your friend's and elders, the deep stuff that no-one wants to discuss, bring it up, expand your views with knowledge about empowerment and new ideas, and my last two favorite ways that I stay sane and calm in these times: 1.) Sleep and 2.) Mediation.

There is nothing like the feeling of warmth and stillness, the way that world seems to stop and give you the hours of the night to do whatever it is that you please. This freedom of choice is where you don't have to commit to anyone but yourself. I enjoy my bedtime. The time that is mine. Sleep treats me, heals my aching pains, lets me re-focus my priorities, brings me back every-morning thank God. It's this act that we crave, it's 100% acceptable, and it's given to all the living. When I sleep I meditate. For me, this is using online music, soft voices, that mend my emotions and doubts. The task that I give to anyone that reads this is to get yourself an act like this. A space that acts to heal your issues, whether it's a therapist's office, driving in the car, working out at a gym, headphone's booming with classical music, or my personal favorite any "90's R&B." Yes, I agree with the late Heather Heyer that we need to be outraged 99 percent of the time, but let's save that last percent for our recovery, our mental stability, our emotional medication, our cure to this wild life.