Domestic Violence: The Cycle of Abuse...What is it? How do you recognize its signs?

Cycle of Abuse

The Cycle of Abuse is a pattern that includes abuse and violence that repeats itself in a relationship between an abuser and their victim.

This cycle is also known as the “cycle of violence” or “the cycle of domestic violence” and it occurs in three phases:

Moment of Bliss Phase: The abuser apologizes and promises there will be no repeat incidents of abuse. The victim feels relief that the tension or explosion has ended, believes the abuser’s apologies, hopes for change, and wants to believe threats won’t occur again.

Tension Building Phase: Tension builds as verbal abuse increases and minor physical assaults begin to occur (such as pushing). During this stage, the victim tries to control the situation by making concessions such as not going on outings with friends or giving up time with family members in order to appease the abuser.

Explosive Phase: An explosive incident occurs where there is physical harm done to yourself or your children if you have any minors living at home with you. At this point emotions run high — anger, fear, shame, depression – all contributing factors for wanting to make excuses for the behavior; however you may want out but don’t see how you can leave without being harmed more than staying with your partner

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors by one partner against another in an intimate relationship such as marriage, dating, family, or cohabitation. It is also known as domestic abuse, spousal abuse, battering, family violence, and intimate partner violence (IPV). Domestic violence can take place in heterosexual and same-sex family relationships and can happen to intimate partners who are married, living together or dating.

Who Suffers from Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is not limited to any specific age, race, religion, sexual orientation or economic status. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

The bottom line is that domestic violence does not discriminate: It's just as likely to affect a CEO as it is an unemployed person; it's just as likely to affect a college student as it is someone who never went beyond high school; it's just as likely to occur in small towns as in big cities; and it's just as likely to affect the elderly population as young people.

United Nation definition of Domestic Violence

The United Nations defines domestic violence as: “Any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or private life.” The definition of domestic violence also includes a few other details including:

Anyone can be a victim and anyone can be an abuser. Both men and women are victims and perpetrators of abuse. We also know that children who witness domestic abuse may suffer trauma related symptoms as well.

Domestic violence is not limited to physical abuse. While physical abuse is often the most visible form of domestic violence, experts generally agree that there are other categories which must be included when defining Domestic Violence: Sexual Violence, Psychological/Emotional Violence and Economic/Financial Abuse

Every type of relationship can experience domestic violence; from married couples to people who are dating; same-sex partners to people who were previously married; couples with children together and couples without children; immigrant couples with language barriers and citizen couples who share a common language; rich couples and poor couples

There are many different types of abuse, which can occur in any type of relationship. Abuse can occur emotionally, physically, sexually, financially, and through neglect.

Emotional abuse is often used to control the other person in the relationship. Verbal abuse can include degrading statements or name-calling. These statements may be often categorized as "joking" but they are meant to control you and lessen your power in the relationship.

Sexual abuse is any unwanted sexual contact by one partner towards another during a relationship. Sexual abuse includes: forcing sex upon somebody; coercing somebody into having sex with others; pressuring somebody into doing something sexual that they don't want to do; exposing oneself without consent (e.g., forcing someone to view pornography); using threats or force to obtain sex when one partner does not consent (e.g., rape); making unwanted sexual comments about an individual's body or sexuality; pressuring someone into engaging in unwanted sexual activity with others by creating fear/making threats/using guilt tactics ("if you loved me..."); withholding sex until certain demands are met ("If I'm not happy then why should I have sex?").

Intimate Partner Violence is the most common type of abuse and is sometimes called "Domestic Violence".

This is the most commonly known type of abuse. It is a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone. Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race/ethnicity, age, income level and education level .

1 in 3 women have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.

Physical violence was more likely to be inflicted on women in heterosexual relationships than men in gay or lesbian relationships. Physical abuse can include hitting, slapping, biting, hair pulling, choking or throwing.

When you are being abused, you may be hit, slapped, bitten, pulled by the hair, choked or thrown to the ground. Physical abuse often leaves bruises and cuts on your body. It can also cause internal injuries such as broken bones or organ damage. These injuries may cause you to feel pain. You may also feel fear or shock when this occurs. Physical abuse does not always leave physical signs that someone else can see.

Verbal abuse can include degrading statements or name-calling. These statements may be often categorized as "joking" but they are meant to control you and lessen your power in the relationship.

Verbal abuse can be hard to recognize because it is often disguised as "joking" or "teasing." It is meant to control you, usually by attacking your self-esteem and lessening your power in the relationship. Verbally abusive statements can be degrading and hurtful. Examples of verbal abuse include name-calling, insults and threats, as well as any other disrespectful behavior that makes you feel bad about yourself. Remember: no one deserves to be verbally abused. You deserve to be treated with respect at all times.

Financial abuse occurs when a partner controls the other partner so they are unable to acquire, use or maintain financial resources. For example, your partner may forbid you from working outside the home, prevent you from going to school/work by not providing transportation/child care for you or refusing to leave the house so you can go to work/school. Abuser maintains control over financial resources and information. Often, there are no signs of physical violence. If you want to know whether your relationship has these characteristics, ask yourself the following questions:

How to break free from Domestic Violence

Recognizing the signs of an abusive relationship is a good way to start recognizing domestic violence and how it can affect you. There are a lot of warning signs that can help you identify if you’re in an abusive relationship, which will then allow you to make the decision to leave or not. Here are some of the steps that I would recommend on breaking free from the cycle of domestic violence:

Seek Help, This can be family members, friends or professionals such as lawyers and police officers. You could also contact a Domestic Violence Hotline.

Create a Safety Plan – This should include finding emergency funds, making copies of relevant documents and having bags packed with essential items (such as medicine and spare keys) in case you need to leave your home quickly.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.