Dementia

Dementia creeps in silently in a deadly fashion. It removes inhibitions while at the same time seems to enhance core beliefs of the sufferers’ inner self. I think these moments are revealed in brief periods of lucidity.

I have observed in a close family relationship that a long-held desire can become an actuality in the progress of this disease. This is surely one positive thing.

Something long wanted and hoped for, has for this person been realised. It may only be a delusion but factually and in the real world, how wonderful it is that this delusion has the facility to bring so much joy into this individual’s life. A beautiful dream is actualised in their lifetime.

I remember some years ago now when a friend was incredibly upset because the nursing home where her mother resided had lost her. Her mother suffered from dementia and was prone to wandering. She been lost and found a few times, but this time it was worse because she had been missing for a much longer period and the staff were now very worried about her safety.

The nursing home was situated in a prime location right on the Sydney Harbour so fears for her mother’s safety were very real.

My friend hopped into her car and drove the three hours to Sydney to help in the search. The police were involved by the time she got there. Frantic she joined in to try and find her mother.

The search lasted all night. By this time many more people had joined the search and the worry factor had reached the top of the chart. Then just when the entire search parties’ spirits were sagging someone noticed a workman’s cottage further along the shore and went into it.

“Hullo young man” was the happy salutation. “Would you like a cup of tea; the pot is just about to boil”.

Grandma had been found. She was no longer lost although to be honest, she probably did not think she was lost either. The relief was palpable; joy all around.

The outcome could have been much worse but despite the diminution of her mental faculties her ability to look after herself had somehow come to the fore. The ability of the shrinking mind (in this instance) to somehow protect self, as in the patient, is amazing when you think about it.

Recently I went into a nursing home to see a family member who suffered with dementia and, as I was making her a cup of tea an elderly patient with similar problems, was vigorously scrubbing the sink with a used tea bag.

Scrub, scrub she went but whatever stain she was trying to get rid of would not move. I asked her if she would like a cup of tea, but she said “no”, apparently “it just wasn’t enough” so after giving me a kiss on the cheek she went off towards the dining room.

I heard later that she had been at the top of her profession and as a nurse had headed up a big hospital in Sydney. So obviously trying to scrub a recalcitrant stain from a draining board with a used tea bag was most definitely not enough.

Although after re-living the moment I am more inclined to think kissing a comparative stranger on the cheek was not enough either!

a.a.hardy

copyright 2013