Changes

Everyday I get up and say it will be a great day. That is how I wake up and how I go to sleep. I think even if the day doesn't go as planned or is a bit rocky, it doesn't mean it was a bad day as I used to believe. Back when I was young, I used to make plans for everyday, and I think that contributed to the anxiety I used to feel then as well. Nowadays I still have to pull myself back from over planning everything because that seems to be my nature, but I have to say I don't have anxiety like I did in the past. I think planning is important to an extent, but I also think that things that are meant for you will be yours, so I have learned to have balance and patience.

All my life I have been lucky as far as work goes. After college I landed a job in a big firm and learned so much from working there. Then when I left that firm after many years, I went to a smaller one that I didn't stay as long as I had planned. My partner died suddenly then, so I decided to hit it out on my own. It was scary and when I did it, I lay in bed many nights at the onset thinking "what did you just do" "are you crazy?" and many other questions along the same lines. Everything did turn out alright though. I managed to build up clients and was lucky enough to get work from someone else who I knew who had much work at the time.

Four years ago I started watching my grandchildren to help my daughter out as she suffered a split from the kids' dad. Because the children were the main priority, I had to let clients know I had to open up my time for the kids. The problem I found after the first year in was I still needed money for my bills. I had savings but didn't want to deplete those all, so still needed more money. I freed up enough time for my grandkids, but the clients I had left made it hard to pay my monthly bills. I remember one night I had my talk with our creator after meditation and told him all the problems I was facing. Well that week I got extra work that more than compensated for the bills I had to pay. It also solved a couple of other problems I had at time. I believe that meditation opened my communication with our creator. Now I know not everyone believes in God, creator, or anything like this, but the experience I have had keeps me meditating and will till the day I die.

In the last year or so since the pandemic started, my work world has changed drastically. Many doors have closed that used to be open yearly. This is how I gauge how big a change this pandemic has made on our lives. When many of the previously known paths for work for me closed in the last year or so, I was surprised that I didn't really settle into panic or worry mode. I think partly because I knew everyone around me was in the same boat and partly because as I mentioned, I meditate.

"How did you meet meditation?" you ask - Well I had started meditating because I had high blood pressure for many years and didn't want to take prescriptions for it but also did not want to suffer any worse fates. When I googled alternative therapies for high blood pressure, meditation kept coming up.

At first I thought how is meditation going to help my high blood pressure. I was somewhat doubtful; but since it turned up so many times, I thought that I'd try it. Surprisingly it did help, but it also did so much more. It broadened my horizons spiritually speaking. I have a much different view of the world than I used to and also do not seem to have anxiety like I used to. I sleep much better as well.

After I started meditating I felt like I was in touch with something bigger than myself or my immediate surroundings, strange things happened, I had vivid dreams, and I felt much better about life overall. I can't explain it actually, but I know I have reaped many more benefits than what I went in for.

Since Covid has closed many doors for me work wise, I started to take advantage of the extra time by taking a free online course that is in my line of work but a program I never tried before. I had thought that maybe I could get some more clients if I knew how to use this. I think if this were my pre meditation days, I probably would have made myself sick worrying about work and money and not be able to do much else. It's not to say I never worry because after all I'm human; but many times, I don't and if I catch myself, it's really easy to roll it back and believe in the universe.

I also took up writing short stories here on Vocal. I don't really know if I'm a good short story writer or not, but I like it. I like being able to write down my thoughts at times as it seems to almost lift something off me whether it's good or bad. I haven't taken creative writing since I was in elementary or junior high school, but I did take business and essay writing in college (so I hope I don't make it sound like an essay, but if it does, I guess that's how I write).

Anyhow what I'm trying to get at here is even though my work has dried up so to speak, other avenues have opened that I'm willing to take a walk down. I definitely believe Covid is one of those "days" where things didn't go as planned, but rather than feeling anxiety I feel the excitement of a new challenge. If you've never tried meditation, it might be the right time for that. I can't say enough about it. It's going to be a great day.