Body shaming at its finest

You can understand the title of what that means. You can understand it more when you're the one being victimized. Everyone knows, nobody is perfect, but being close to perfect is more than enough to make someone happier than someone who "isn’t" close to perfect. Body shaming is such a slap on the face especially when you’ve been working on it really hard and still, you’re not skinny enough, your nose is too big, or whatever the case may be. Realistically, you will have some unique side of yourself that you should be embracing because it’s what makes you different. I’m not here to explain to you about body shaming or to make you understand what it truly means, but I’m here to share my experience recently of how it felt to me.

I used to do runway shows after high school and I was that thin, the ideal kind of person who was tall enough to be doing these events in the city. I used to not care about my eating habits because my metabolism was high and I thought it would be that way forever. Anytime I would try on new outfits, I was that one person who can fit into the tiniest dress, the thinnest clothing. I wasn’t as pretty as someone with a good nose job or perfectly shaped lips, but I was close to a designer's dream person who was trying to envision their clothing onto that "it" girl.

It’s been years since I’ve done all those events and I ended up being like the rest where I picked out an office job and worked the 9 to 5 plus overtime because I wasn’t done with my work for the day. As much as I tried to workout during those years, I didn’t understand my eating habits. I didn’t know what calories really meant, or what food I should be digesting. So I got a little thick. I realized one day when all I could really make was pasta for dinner and my shorts were stretched out on my hips. It took me a while to realize that I should do something about it. After I quit my job during covid 19 and 2021’s summer came along, that’s when I did do something about it.

I was motivated to change my appearance, to figure out what foods I should be eating and cooking. I forced my friends to play tennis as much as we can for the day or even workout. I was exhausted, but it felt so good. I passed the limit of being tired, but that high that everyone talks about. I was becoming a different person and I felt so happy. During that time, I was more confident than ever. I knew I gained weight, I knew my belly was popping out a bit, I knew my body and I was okay with it because I was working hard.

One day, this girl messaged me on Instagram and asked if I wanted to model for her swimsuit line and I already told her right from the start, that my body isn’t as it was before. I’ve gained a little bit of weight and she was okay with it. Fast forward to September, I got there and it was already a shit show because my make-up artist didn’t arrive, but I didn’t really care. The biggest red flag was when I put on a bodysuit. The first outfit and it was a onesie. Her face just dropped, that I wasn’t right for her. She already said, “oh no, you’ve gained a lot of weight.” Dumb me, I went along for it the whole day saying things like,

“Oh yes, I already told you that from the beginning, that’s why I was so hesitant to come.”

As I kept changing outfits, my tattoo wasn’t good enough either, so I was forced to just do things on my bad side (everyone has a side they like). My back wasn’t ideal either because my ass was thick. She kept telling me, “no smiling, no smiling, suck in your belly. Breathe in, hide your belly with your hand, keep breathing in, suck it in. I think you need to change your outfit, so you can hide your stomach. Did you exercise before? And you still didn’t lose weight? Don’t turn to the side too much, you look fat.”

I kid you not, I am not joking. I am not exaggerating, even if you contact that photographer, he can probably vouch for this. For god's sake, she hasn't launched her brand yet and she’s running a swimwear line?! It’s 2021, I honestly hope it goes to shit because she is not inclusive and is just plain awful. I haven’t seen her in years and I hope she’ll leave this industry and keep working her 9 to 5 job. I did it as a free favour to her because she seemed lost and I’m always willing to help people. Anyways, my dumbass wasn’t thinking and should have just left. I knew my belly was bloated that day too because of my time of the month. Something I couldn’t control, but I’m not a big girl either. I’m fit, I exercise more than most people, I’m eating a lot healthier than most people, I don’t go out and eat every single day. I don’t have Starbucks anymore, I’ve done a lot better. In fact, the belly she kept describing is basically gone now. My ass is nice and thick, but I like it that way and because of my weight gain, my breasts finally grew into my bras so they fit better.

Overall, I’m confident enough to say I’m better than what she thinks of me, but still, I’m writing this because words hurt.