Beauty In the Eye of the Beholder

What is beauty? I'm sure that everyone has their own definition or standard of beauty. But, what do you consider beautiful when you look at yourself?

Growing up, I never really considered myself a beautiful girl in looks. I thought that I had a beautiful personality because I thought differently than everyone else... I still do.

During my boy crush phrase through the junior high years, I didn't fit the mold of "pretty" to the pre-teen boys. I was pretty enough to be an awesome friend, but not puppy love/girlfriend. I experienced the same throughout high school. The only thing that was pretty about me was my long hair and eye color, but it was never enough. Kind of like the saying: Always the bridesmaid, but never the bride.

At some point in my life, I think I was 19, I didn't care if I didn't fit society's standards of beauty. I didn't care if guys liked my looks or not. If I was happy, then bam, that's all good.

Fast Forward

After meeting my husband, my standard of beauty changed a bit. I paid more attention to things that I didn't like about myself. After having kids, I felt the weight of society's standards and caved in. I felt ugly. I couldn't embrace my flaws. I couldn't see beauty when I stared at myself in the mirror or when my husband told me, "You'rebeautiful." I didn't believe him.

Now

I'm teaching myself how to love my beauty again. In today's society, people are so quick to fat-shame, fit-shame, or tag some for shame onto you because you don't fit their mold of beautiful. If there's something about yourself that you don't like [i.e. your weight, your looks, etc], it's up to you to change it to your satisfaction. Not someone else's.

I accept that I'm never going to be a "looker" or that someone would take a double look at me due to society's idea of beauty. I'm beautiful in my own way. Yes, I have some flaws [my weight] that I'm going to work on to my satisfaction. The end result? I'm going to be happy and love me.

My advice to anyone that's reading this column: Your physical beauty fades over time, but your inner beauty will be beautiful forever. Love yourself before seeking someone else's validation. Everyone is a gem. Some are upfront and others are well hidden. You are a canvas, create your own art and let others marvel at your grace and beauty.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The preception of beauty is subjective. It seems that we often forget that. You may not be someone's ideal of beauty and that's okay. If you feel beautiful, that is all that matters.

In David Hume's essay, "Moral and Political," 1742, he wrote:

"Beauty in things exists merely in the mind which contemplates them."

Every morning when you wake up, go stare at yourself in the mirror and say something positive about yourself. Say at least 3 things... scratch that... say 4 things about yourself that you love about yourself. And every night before bed, say 4 different things that you want to improve about yourself.

When we come to a place in our mind that we're accepted for who we are, everything else will fall into place. But... within health reasonings. Don't do any changes to yourself that would hurt you physically, emotionally, or mentally. That is not the answer. You want to come from a healthy place. Of love. Of joy. And be proud of yourself. No regrets.

So, if society knocks on your door and says that you need the newest beauty trend to be beautiful, smile and close the door. Don't let the outside world or anyone that doesn't know you rate your beauty. You are not a number.

xoxo