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All I Have Known

by Wynne DM 4 years ago in mental health / wellness / advice / self care

The Last Time I Try to Journal.

A Disclaimer:

I am not a nice person. I should explain. I have stopped being a patient person willing to give gentle answers or nudges into the right direction. I'm friendly and open-minded... But I am also unwilling to put up with crap. I am not the last person to feel this way, and I will never stop being the last person to feel this way.

I will write in here about... well... everything. My life isn't particularly interesting these days, but I'm a little neurotic, so that might prove amusing. Maybe something will strike a chord with you, dear reader. Perhaps you just need to kill ten minutes before work? Lord knows I have to.

This book will handle three topics for the most part with little tangents sprinkled in here and there.

The first topic is mental illness. When I was thirteen, I was diagnosed with depression. As I got older, I also came to the realization I have insomnia, and to top it all off, since I was a wee one, I've been dealing with anthropophobia. Any idea what that is? If you guessed a self-destructive shyness and fear of, well, everyone, then you would be correct. No, I'm not scared of EVERYTHING, so it isn't pantophobia. I'm afraid of people. Young or old. White or black. Big or small. I feel fear crawl up my spine like insects.

The second topic will be my recovery from having had abusive parents. My biological and foster parents were rather verbally abusive to me, with my brothers being physically abusive to me to the point where my older brother raped me. That one will probably be the hardest to talk about, and yes, this does affect my life still. I'm 22 years old, and I'm just now finally figuring out how to cope with it.

That's the last topic right there. Coping. I will be talking about how I cope. Well, I normally cope by talking to someone, but as of late, it gets harder and harder to do that. My adoptive mother, the one who actually loves and cares for me, has several burdens on her place. I have three little brothers in her boys who I would never dream of burdening with my problems either. Coping is a unique muscle, though, and requires exercise whenever possible. I guess I'll be exercising like this for a while.

I do have work in about ten minutes. I figured I would wrap up this entry with my disclaimer. You are not required to read or anything. In fact, I highly encourage you to try and find a better book to read. Who wants to hear about some kid venting about what you've probably dealt with before?

Right, before I forget...

If you have NOT had to deal with these struggles, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Several other people have. More people than you know have been abused, deal with mental illness, and are struggling to cope every day by any means necessary. This problem isn't "uncommon" or "special". I am not a "snowflake" that requires someone to hold my hand while I cry my woes. Most of this is venting to a problem I'm already solving.

However, if you have only recently stepped out of the hell of any of the above topics, and you just want a little extra advice from someone who's had to live it before... I Guess I could try and do that for you.

Everyone deserves a bit of support.

Wynne

PS: The only reason you get a Mars Argo music video is because this interesting website I really want to try out is requiring a featured picture or video. That's annoying. I'll try and put in a better-selected song in the future that follows some special theme or whatever.

mental healthwellnessadviceself care

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