A Gen Xer’s Guide to Millennial and Boomer Humor

A Millennial’s Guide to Boomer Humor

Author’s note: This article is a parody of the above linked article. It is meant to be a humorous send up of that article. It does include some of the original article’s sentences and words reproduced verbatim as in the original post. This is kept to a bare minimum and only for humorous effect. This is not plagiarism or a copyright violation. I also encourage you very much to read the original article, clap for it, follow the author, etc.

Having trouble making sense out of the weird obsession millenial’s seem to have with boomer humor, especially with respect to how it portrays them? Regretting not giving a heck about millenial humor or boomer humor or how the one “feels” about the other? Even though I know you don’t give a heck, fear not. Here’s a handy guide to the major themes in boomer humor that milllenial’s find irritating and seemingly give a heck about for reasons you don’t care to understand and generally don’t give a heck about.

Marriage is Awful for Boomers But Millenials Love It Or Something. They both Seem to Give a Heck About it, Whereas You Do Not.

It’s common among boomers to loathe their spouse. Therefore, you’ll see lots of cartoons and memes that portray marriage as an inescapable, torturous arrangement in which they’re forced to make love with an ugly person and frequently fantasize about simply slapping them silly. Boomers rarely practice divorce, and when they do, they simply find someone else to marry and become miserable all over again. You do not give a heck about marriage and think about it about as often as you think about how boomers feel about it, which is to say, never. Coincidentally this is also how often you think about how Millenials feel about it. Even more coincidentally you do not give a heck about how either feels about it. Millenials, on the other hand think marriage is the greatest thing since the smart phone or some other dumb thing they think is great, but you do not give a heck about.

Younger Generations Ruin Their Bodies and Actually Give a Heck What Older Generations Think About It, You Do Not Give a Heck What Any Generation Thinks About It, Or About Anything

Boomers also give a heck about it and believe any body modification is simply disgusting and stupid. They’re quick to point out how much a tattoo will change with age, and as a bonus, they usually draw liberal Democrats as ultra-tattooed and pierced, because apparently being progressive means spending a lot of time in tattoo parlors. Millenials find this hurtful and often cry about it. It hurts their feelings. You do not give a heck what older generations think about anything, and you do not give a heck about whose feelings are hurt by some dumb thing an old person says about something.

Boomers Say Today’s Society is Full of Freaks and SJWs which Millenials Find Offensive for Some Reason Even Though They Should Not Give a Heck What Other People Say Especially When it is Wrong, and Most Especially When it is Stupid, Yet They Do. It Makes Them Sad I Guess. This is Because They Give a Heck. Which is Stupid.

Apparently, feminists and trans people are in the same vein as circus freaks, and apparently Millenials give a heck about this for some reason. SJWs simply can’t function in the “real world,” and people are becoming lizards. (See also above theme.) But what this really comes down to is that boomers don’t like being blamed when the recession was clearly not their fault, and it’s definitely not fair that racist jokes are no longer socially acceptable! I mean, what are boomers supposed to laugh at, hm?! I do not give a heck who they are supposed to laugh at or who they laugh at or why they laugh at them. I also do not give a heck whose fault the recession is nor do I give a heck about the recession.

Today’s Youth are Stupid and Entitled and They Definitely Give A Heck About What Older Generations Think About Them. This is In Fact Stupid So In This Case At Least Boomers Have a Point.

Despite the fact that algebra and trigonometry are now taught at younger ages, boomers are convinced that school curricula are simply full of personal preferences, since obviously that’s what our genders are now. And apparently, millennials and Gen Z are simply too stupid to have a good career, so have to rely upon their attitude of entitlement toward jobs, money, basic living expenses… even though they have no life skills to speak of. The one skill millennials definitely lack is the ability to not give a heck, because they do give a heck about every annoying, stupid thing. Incidentally, they share the lack of this skill with every other generation besides Gen X. Gen X is the only generation that consistently has not given a heck about algebra, trigonometry, school, jobs, money, basic living expenses or any hecking thing. Most especially they have not given a heck about what other generations think or say about anything and they find it puzzling beyond measure that other generations do give a heck about this.

Phones are Everywhere and Evil

Yes, ultra-convenient devices that allow you to stay connected to friends and family, catch up on news and stocks, and manage your finances and life are so awful, they destroy classic tales and album covers! So by all means, keep wasting money on a landline no one calls you on. And keep right on giving a heck about this dumbest of things nobody gives a heck about!

tAbuse of Women and Children is Funny, Giving a Heck About Things is Not

There are some examples I won’t share here, but basically, boomer humor highly suggests that boomers think that imprisoning, bullying, or otherwise torturing women and children is hilarious, and sexually assaulting/harassing women is totes okay because they’re all somehow both sluts and ugly. Why I should give a heck what some old pervert thinks or says about anything is beyond me but it seem millenials do give a heck about this.

Want to create your own work of horror? Follow these simple steps, courtesy of some jerk I do not give a heck about:

How to Make Cartoons for Baby Boomers and/or Millenials

Step 1: Start by giving a heck

Step 2: Work backwards through the setup (Note: it doesn’t matter how contrived the scenario is so long as it shows how much you give a heck about something some old or young person did that pissed you off for some reason. Usually, because you gave a heck.)

Step 3: LABEL EVERYTHING. You know what they say in art: heck, don’t give.

Step 4: Make sure you’ve drawn every single nose as large and weird as you possibly can. Don’t be afraid to depart from the realistic.

Step 5: Have you left room in your premise to imply you give a heck? (about some stupid kid, or some old dude's wife.)

Step 6: Stand back, admire your work and patiently wait for all the triggered wives, SJWs, libtard snowflakes, and old heckers to fill your rain barrels with their tears.

Step 7: Give, a heck.

And don’t forget, boomers and Millenials will always assume you give a heck if you offer critique of their terrible jokes or point out that giving a heck really isn’t cool and never has been. And it’s not okay to give a heck about the sheer clumsiness and poor execution of their “humor,” by the way. So best to just shake your head and not give a heck. And maybe click that “Do Not Give a Heck” button.