I Continue to Absolutely Crush it When it Comes to Not Making any Money Writing

If not making any money writing were an Olympic sport I would be a gold medal winner. In fact, I would be a legendary five time gold medal winning Olympic hall of famer. In a little over five years of writing for a couple of different web publications and publishing over 3000 pieces of content (two of those years I was serving suspensions, as I am still currently at my former home of Medium.com) I have succeeded in earning (net profit after subscription expenses) a grand total of right around 200 bucks or $40/yr.

Expressed in terms of a standard full time job with 261 day working days per year, and a 8 hour day that puts my average compensation at $0.15/day and a whopping $0.02/hr.

Of course in reality while I probably did write for at least 261 days on average each year I did not spend anywhere near 8 hours each day doing so. Most days it was maybe 20min to an hour with the longest stretch being 2h a day or so on very rare occasions. I would guess over a year I probably spent no more than 200 hours total writing. Sounds like a lot but that is only equivalent to 5 full 8 hour working days.

Assuming that is correct my hourly wages rise to a massive $8/day or $1/hr.

It should be more than clear from these stellar numbers that I kick ass and take names when it comes to not making money with my writing. You could even say I am on fire when it comes to not making any money with my writing. If all of writing were a campus I would for sure be the big man on it, the top dog, the head honcho, el numero uno poblano. The best of the best of the best when it comes to not making any money doing it, writing that is.

If I were as good at anything else in the world as I am at not making any money writing I would surely be one of the greatest, if not the greatest, of all time at that thing, whatever it might be. What it would not be would be making money at writing, since hopefully you have already learned that is a thing at which I am incompetent in the extreme and seemingly incapable of doing. In contrast to not making any money writing which is a thing for which I have shown a natural, incredible, uncanny talent. Almost like an innate ability that only I possess. The ability to not make any money writing. The question becomes how have I been able to accomplish this most monumental of tasks? What talent or talents must I possess that others who are able to make money at writing do not? For clearly the ability to not make any money writing in as excellent a fashion as I have demonstrated over the past five years must require a very rare talent indeed. I doubt there could be any others even close to as capable as me when it comes to not making any money writing. In fact, as I clearly stated above, over the past five years, I have shown myself to be one of the best, if not the very best, in the world at it. Number one in the world at not making any money writing.

I think the answer is obvious, the talent I possess in spades that so many others lack is the ability to suck at writing. I mean I suck at it hard. Suck at it royally. Suck at it like none have ever sucked at it before me. The suckiest writer of all time perhaps? (note: see above for proof, specifically "el numero uno poblano") Well, maybe not as sucky as Michael Crichton, the suckiest writer and person of all time, but pretty damn close.

I suck at it and I will never make any money doing it. Strange that I do it so much...