Why Clickbait Is Wonderful

😜 There are lots of reasons to love clickbait. But before I get to that, let me tell you what clickbait is.

It’s important to know what clickbait is. Bob thought he knew what clickbait was, but he was solely mistaken and lead to the most terrible results.

Little did Bob know that the headline that promised “Woman Stunned by Response at Checkout Counter” would lead to a completely wasted afternoon and a changed life.

Bob had planned on spending the afternoon cooking a nice dinner for his girlfriend. It was to be a special dinner featuring beer brazed short ribs.

This recipe for beer brazed short ribs was handed down from his granddad, who was too lazy to go back into the house for water to pour over the short ribs on the grill and used a bottle of Bud Light Platinum beer instead. Little did he know the consequences of his decision.

Most people don’t know that short ribs actually exist because of the 1970’s price freezes, where meat packers couldn’t legally sell pork ribs at a price high enough to make money, so they began cutting the ribs differently, creating short ribs and baby back ribs. As new products, they had no established price to be frozen, so they could be priced according to actual cost. That is why it astounds experts....

Decisions like price freezes and other top-down controls of the economy have a long history of causing more harm than good. China’s attempts in 1958 to have centralized government determine how many seeds to plant in each hole rather than trusting farmers whose families have farmed the land for generations led to famine and death.

But Bob wasn’t thinking about famine and death, he was thinking about the recipe for beer brazed short ribs. That was his biggest mistake as you will see.

Famine and death is a frequent result of well-intentioned attempts of government officials who have the power of the government to force others to obey their ill-advised schemes. Thus it was with Bob.

It turned out that Bob had gone onto the Internet to find an alternative recipe, since in the state Bob lived in, Bud Light Platinum couldn’t be legally sold, since it has a 6% alcohol content and the state decided that anything more than 4% considered a spirit-fortified beverage. So he needed a different recipe. And that was when things went bad.

Right in the middle of someone else’s grandad’s secret beer-brazed short rib recipe, was a piece of clickbait saying “Woman Stunned at Response at Checkout Counter’. What did he do when he had that opportunity to read about the woman who was stunned at the response at the checkout counter?

He clicked it. And what happened next?

It opened up a piece of clickbait. But why is that a problem?

Clickbait is the internet’s equivalent of a “shaggy dog story”, a story that goes absolutely nowhere and doesn’t even give the payout promised, succeeding in only wasting your time. But the internet does it differently in a very important way.

Each page of clickbait ends with a cliffhanger, encouraging you to go on to the next page. And each page has advertising, giving the creator of the clickbait money for every page they lure you into, as Bob will soon find out.

He found out that there was a woman who had a limited amount of money trying to get supplies for her family’s dinner, when she had an awful realization.

Many of us have been in similar situations, but this woman had a particular reason it was especially critical to get all of these ingredients.

So Bob clicked to find out what that special reason was. What could that special reason be?

>>>>>>> Click here to find out what Bob discovered! <<<<<<<

Did I make you laugh? Want more? Here are a few more of my humor columns on Vocal

Fortune Favors the Bold

Why Clickbait is Wonderful

Language Confusion

Waddling to Work

What, Me Volunteer?

I'm an Urban Legend

Life Under the Glide Path

I Miss My Hair

I'm a Kennedy Cousin

Super-Secret Diet Secrets

My Dogs Love me. Honest!

Yucky Foods!

Trapped in K-Mart

Geminis are Skeptics

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