The Villagers

Setting:

A rural village located on Sweden's west coast experiences unsettling changes as two USA emigrants buy a farmhouse from 1759 and begin to renovate. Simultaneously, summer houses begin to be sold to more folks from the big city of Gothenburg and have begun to be occupied with young people who know nothing about living in the countryside. Surrounded by dense forests, a pristine lake and well trodden paths, the villagers are a clash of generations and cultural misinterpretations which often lead to promiscuous activities and hilarious interactions.

Characters:

Jon and John Karlsson (main characters) - Two 40-plus year-old men who have been married for years from the USA decide that after living in Andersonville, Chicago for decades that moving to Sweden where Jon's great-grandfather was from would be a brilliant adventure. They met at brunch in Lady Gregory's over Bloody Mary's and both longed for land, fresh air, and a peaceful life. They both loved farmer's markets, animals and longed to start an organic farm. Neither were prepared for the inquisitive, usually well-meaning neighbours that appeared in their courtyard regularly without invitation. Although taking an intensive Swedish language course before moving to the village Jon quickly realizes that the locals will never understand him, or try to, even if he is speaking correctly.

Maj-Britt and Bo - A couple in their 70's who never had children and have lived in the same, let's say, overly well kempt home since they were married are perpetually insistent on advising the Karlsson's on, well, everything. The pair are consistent in peering over their well trimmed hedges. Maj-Britt loves gardening in her brassiere and jean shorts while drinking sweet wine on ice as she endlessly pursues tackling intrusive dandelions and stinging nettles. She, on the least expected of occasions never fails to pop up to say hello with bouquets of wildflowers. An example would be just when Jon and John have sat down to a lovely, romantic dinner for two by candlelight on their newly built deck overlooking the lake with a nice bottle of Italian red wine. Her sweaty, over tanned chest always meets their outdoor tables edge and is difficult to ignore. Bo is relentless with his unsolicited advice regarding their gardening, renovations, and despite their speaking Swedish with him, he insists they speak English as their dialect is incomprehensible. Maj-Britt and Bo have never been invited inside Jon and John's house however, they won't give up trying to find their way in.

Casper - A jolly, red-faced, balding, and harmless alcoholic in his 50's who often sits near the Karlsson’s property boundaries under an apple tree mumbling, singing to a reclusive (or perhaps dead?) farmer's cows, often he urinates in the Karlsson's backyard. Despite their attempts to encourage Casper to sing and urinate elsewhere, Jon and John resolve that Casper will only be part of their daily life until their first winter sets and the intrusion will naturally be resolved; or will it?

City Folks - Lena, Isak and Pernilla

Lena - Owner of a summer house, she commutes to Gothenburg with her dogs for work however no one knows exactly what it is she does; she ignores the topic if anyone inquires. Boastful and excessive in her provisions, she frequently reminds others that she is well travelled and speaks English fluently; she insists her two Irish Wolfhounds must be spoken to whilst making direct eye contact on their level. She is single, an attractive, thin 40 something year old who likes to impress upon the gentleman farmers how well educated she is in both English, French, and Spanish. She invites them to her summer house each Sunday for Fika (customary coffee served along with traditional baked goods). They try to shake her off yet alas give in to this Sunday ritual.

John is allergic to cinnamon (among a wide variety of other substances) which results in emergency transportation to the local clinic for large doses of cortisone. Lena swears she never uses cinnamon when she bakes for John, but obviously she is attempting to either kill him or is a sociopath. None of her stories have a solid ending and she never has any other visitors than John and Jon. Or does she?

Isak - A small framed, nervous, boyish man nearing 40. He lives in Gothenburg with his mother during the week and comes to the summer house on weekends and makes it very clear he is a straight man despite never having a girlfriend. He trembles when he talks and sometimes stutters with a tad of saliva dripping form the left corner of his mouth. After a village gathering where he is seen laughing with John and Jon a rumour starts that he, too is a gay man. This leaks back to his mother who begins to buy him pornographic magazines hoping to convert him to a heterosexual lifestyle. Isak is a virgin and begins to have fika with Lena along with John and Jon. He wins Lena's trust by getting on all fours and speaking to her Irish Wolfhounds as if they were little children. Will he lose his virginity? Will Lena reveal who she really is? John and Jon take their own baked goods to Lena's on Sundays just to be on the safe side.

Pernilla - Life of the village, any party, the liveliest of dancers, and the free, flowing daughter of a former villager who died from oldness, she says. She moved back from Gothenburg to live in her inherited home and works in the local pub as a bartender. In her late 20's she is the classic, blue eyed, tall, leggy, blonde image most foreigners have of all Swedes. She loves false eyelashes, lengthy glue on nails in shiny glitter, and is always fashionably dressed, albeit overdone for the village. Her laugh is contagious, and she drinks on the job. John and Jon learn that Casper is her uncle and try to handle their awkward scenarios with the sweet, well imbibed gent, delicately via Pernilla. This leads to nonsensical conversations and Casper leaving home-made schnapps on their doorstep to right his wrongs. Somehow, this oddly composed group eventually wind up celebrating their first Christmas together.

Opening Trailer: Episode I; Scene I - Home Sweet Home

The landing wheels unfold as Jon and John land at Landvetter airport outside of Gothenburg; with bright smiles and a tad of disbelief that they are starting to live their dream they clasp hands. Jon has spoken Swedish to the SAS flight attendants all night, despite their responding in English, he pressed on. He had no sleep and several gin and tonics while John slept immediately after they finished watching several reruns of , "How I Met Your Mother", on the individualized screens provided at each seat. They both love Barney and all the buzz when the actor came out as a gay man in Hollywood. They both love details of celebrity lifestyles, the idea of organic farming and other than visiting apple orchards each fall have never lived outside of Chicago. Jon is a dreamer and John is more practical.

Jon is tall, well over 6 feet, although slender, he enjoys running and skiing and has a muscular form. John is shorter and hates being hot, cold water, running, fish, and abhors cologne and perfumes. He is allergic to most everything and has a dry, yet witty, sarcasm. Both have blue eyes and are nice looking fellows, however John is always trying different diets to lose his belly fat.

They arranged for a rental car to drive out to their new home; both are babbling anxiously as they anticipate walking through the threshold of their farmhouse. They exchange their ideas for their garden, acquiring a good cat or two, all the delightful foods John will create from their labours on the land. It is just a few days before Midsummer, and it is at the village festivities that they notice their colourful community may be more than a tad challenging.

Scene II: Gossip

Pernilla is standing outside the local pub smoking and overhears locals talking about the old farmhouse near her being bought by an American couple. Someone blurts, I wonder if they have children. Another says, I hope they know what they're getting in to; that house needs a lot of money and work to withstand another winter. Pernilla approaches the table asking if they want another round, they all laugh and reply, since when do you ask?

Pernilla wonders if there may be any prospective new love interests or if they are rich. She speaks English like most Swedes do, very well in fact, and decides she will introduce herself after work with an invite to the annual Midsummer festival.

Meanwhile, Jon despite having no sleep and jetlag fiddles with the key to the front door with a giddy disposition. He’s always looking on the brighter side of life and is committed to uplifting his partners overall demenour.

The house is made of wood and painted a traditional warm red that's common throughout the countryside.

I can't get the darn door to open, here you try. Handing the keys to John who is equally unsuccessful, he jests, ah, must be for the back door.

As they round the house with their luggage to the stone laden courtyard there stands a man urinating on the side of an apple tree. The man is obviously drunk and waves yelling, Hey, Hey. Grinning the man slowly slides down to the ground and picks up a bottle of what appears to be vodka.

The husbands give each other an, “OH MY GOD” look and try the key in the back door. One would think two successful IT guys could open a door.

Noticing they couldn't open the door the drunken man wanders towards them with a very incomprehensible Swedish introduction; chuckling he kicks the door at it's base adding, I be Casper. That door not locked in years.

He waddles away and although they are grateful to be inside Jon peers out the kitchen window hoping Casper will disappear. Nope. Back to the apple tree, he slithers down once again humming to either himself or the four milking cows chewing in the tall grass around him.

Jon remarks, maybe those are his cows. John shrugs, well hopefully he follows them back home tonight.

Despite Casper's unwanted serenade they decide they must open all windows as it's a warm, sunny day and the house is stuffy and needs a good airing out. An old maple table John eyes immediately and with his hand begins to dust it off while sneezing.

Thirsty, he tries the faucet which spits and gurgles until some reddish water begins to run.

Jon interjects cheerfully, we knew we'd need to bring water in until we update the pipes. We do have wine!

Awaiting on a crate to arrive at the Gothenburg harbour with their furniture from Chicago they must make do with what was left behind in the long, unoccupied farmhouse.

Opening a door off the living room they climb an extremely narrow, curved, and steep stairwell leading to the bedroom on the second floor; each step they take is creaking loudly and the ceiling is quite low.

After hitting his head on an exposed wooden beam, Jon bends down and mumbles to himself, I don't recall this being a problem when I looked last fall. The bedroom is musty and when they plop onto the bed John immediately begins to wheeze and cough. Frantic, Jon opens his husband’s mini medic kit and fumbles for an inhaler quickly handing it to his beloved.

Sweetheart let's sleep on that fold out sofa tonight, or better yet, perhaps under the stars in our sleeping bags. Coughing and laughing John reminds him that it's daylight until one a.m. in this area of the country and he highly doubts either can sleep with the long summer light.

Downstairs Jon opens the foldout bed and out jumps a mouse, John quickly jumps upon the nearest chair screaming as Jon tries to swipe it away with a nearby broom.

To be expected city boy! Laughing at his husband who is chewing his nails impishly, he proceeds to set the bed with fresh sheets brought from his suitcase and pops the cork on one of the nice bottles of wine he packed in his luggage. They'd picked up some cheese, bread, grapes, and apples on their way from the airport and make a little picnic platter then sit quietly, absorbing their new surroundings, home sweet home.

Suddenly a loud knock at the front door jolts them to their feet. I hope it's not that ghostly cow whisperer, John spews sarcastically. Jon kicks the door open, and the woman jumps back a bit. To their surprise, a tall, young blonde extends her hand politely; she is charming, offers them her number along with a paper with a list of Midsummer activities. Showing her bright, white toothed smile she introduces herself as Pernilla. Her eyelashes are thick, with heavy, black glue-ons. Continuing without a pause, she adds that she lives just down the road and works at the local pub. Cheerfully she mentions, we have great pizza, stop by sometime and I hope to see you at the midsummer party Friday. She was just about to walk away in her yellow flowery summer dress, when she turned quickly asking, do you have children?

The husbands glanced at each other, and Jon replied, not yet, as he slipped his arm around John's waist; Pernilla instantly was disappointed that the two handsome newcomers were gay. Didn't mean to be intrusive, just wanted to add there are lots of activities for the young ones on Midsummer should you have any. Smiling she waves goodbye, and hops on her moped quickly disappearing.

Together they decipher the information on Midsummer Eve listing a confusing number of activities from raffle fishing to an attached song list including one about frogs. It read 100 kronor per person was suggested if you planned to eat. Alcohol permitted. Bring your own.

John quickly points out that there is no menu. It reads, Traditional Midsummer lunch.

John knows that Jon has studied Swedish well and can read although his pronunciation needs some work. John also knows he hasn't picked up the language well and relies on his partner to translate. In all honesty, he gave up trying after one session of online Babble lessons.

This sounds like a perfect way to check out the neighbours, eh? Don't you agree John? John? Jon looks around and sees his husband clutching his inhaler once again. What is it NOW, Wheezel?

John regains his breath; didn't you smell the perfume on that woman? Did you see her claws? Jon refuses to engage in any negativity. Well, self expression is individualistic dear; now let's have our first skål to our dreams coming to fruition. John sneezes as they tap their glasses full of red wine and promptly fall asleep on the fold out sofa in the same clothes worn on the flight over.

Scene III: First Morning; The Day Before Midsummers Eve

Coffee? John yawns feeling heavy with jet lag as he rises to the kitchen; Wait, there is no coffee. No way!

We must get water anyway at the village so let's freshen up and check out the local bakery, also. Jon too, longs to complain yet withholds for John's sake.

We can't brush our teeth! John rustles through his carry on and finds a half full (or half empty?) bottle of water left over from the flight. Teasingly, he shakes the bottle under Jon's nose, I get firsties! Measuring equal amounts of the water into two teacups he had wiped with napkins the night before he hands Jon his toothbrush. They brush, gargle and spit, change into clean clothes and head for the village centre. Jon is anxious to checkout a new car, preferably a Volvo after Midsummer. As Jon turns the car around, he notices in his rearview mirror Casper waving cheerfully. He says nothing to John to avoid more disgruntlements. They discuss trying out the old riding mower in the barn and taking inventory of what all they need to get their garden started. Perhaps they need gasoline for the tractor? Was there a shovel? They decide to poke around the farm store after breakfast.

In the small centre of the village, they quickly spot Maria's Bakery next to the local pizzeria where presumably Pernilla works. They enter and feel the silent stares as Jon orders coffee and two fresh buns with cheese, ham, and butter. The cashier tells them they don't take cash, only SWISH or bank cards. She tells them the grocery store takes cash, but they do not open until 9:00. Jon pulls out his Bank of America credit card and swipes it. He withholds his frustrations at charging items under 8 US dollars. Outside are some small tables in the morning sun where they both comment on the overwhelming beauty of the day. Waiting patiently for the grocery store to open they relax drawing in the fresh, clean air.

I told you dear, the air will suit your lungs much better here; in fact, after a good house cleaning, I doubt you'll even need that inhaler again. As they are about to stand and walk across the parking lot to the gro cery store, a pair approaches them directly.

Hello, hello! I'm Bo and this is my wife Maj-Britt; we're your closest neighbours. Maj-Britt seems to strain as she smiles with her lips unparted. She is very tan and has on a yellow Izod shirt and khaki shorts with black clogs; Bo is dressed similarly apart from mid-calf black socks. Jon attempts to introduce his husband and self politely but is quickly brushed off with Bo’s insistence there is no need for using Swedish with them.

He emphasizes Jon’s dialect is uninterpretable. Bo is direct and asks the men what they intend to do about all the overgrown hedges, high grass, and will they plant a garden; are they prepared for winter? Maj-Britt continues to smile and scrunches her nose repeatedly, perhaps she has a tic. Jon persists in Swedish with pride, and they shrug him off again. No need, no need. We can't follow you in Swedish. Jon doesn't want to lose his composure, so John obliges them in English. We're off to the market now, so nice to meet you.

See you at Midsummer tomorrow? Bo pushes on like a stubborn mule. John adds, yes, we intend to be there, good day.

And you are both named Jon, are you? Must get confusing, eh? John begins to explain the different spellings then trails off as Jon tugs him away from the annoying interaction.

Geez, how close do they live to us? John says with noticeable irritation.

Too close, Jon replies. Perhaps we'll keep those horrid hedges after all.

In the grocery store the two are marvelling over all the delicacies and laugh at the bags of Swedish Fish. They loom over the odd selection of vegetables and the blackening bananas. I think the only lettuce that is safe is iceberg. John shivers. Not eating it, no way. We must add something to our sandwiches Jon quips as he rolls a head in his hand.

Not eating it. Where are the tomatoes? They spot packages of cherry tomatoes and four very unripe tomatoes imported from Spain. Jon suggests, perhaps they're low on good produce due to midsummer, darling. They agree to cherry tomatoes, mustard, gouda, ham slices, more bread, butter, and eggs. John fills the cart with fourteen bottles of purified water, one bottle or box of every cleaning supply he eyes, mounds of paper towels and a mop. He runs back to the cleaning aisle and fetches a toilet brush just as Jon is paying, this time with cash.

After putzing around the farm store, they finally buy some lettuce, tomato and cucumber seeds, fertilizer, a shovel, and gasoline for the lawn mower then take a leisurely stop along the lake for an afternoon picnic before heading to the alcohol store.

CLOSED! What's this? It's a Thursday for Pete’s sake. John gets out and reads the sign. It closes at 4 on Tuesday and Thursdays and will open tomorrow at 10 a.m. Well, this will take some getting used to, grumbling he gets back in the car.

We still have another bottle of wine I packed for dinner; no worries love. Jon starts up the engine and as they head home, they roll down the windows, John tries to find a radio station with some non-Swedish songs. You'll have your vintage stereo system here soon babe, you can listen to your albums all day long; takes some getting used to. He pats John on the shoulder reassuringly.

Scene IV: Midsummers Eve

The husbands wake early, have breakfast and head straight to the government run alcohol store to purchase a case of Italian red wine, a bottle of gin, several types of tonics and decide on a customary local beer, a 24 pack of Pripps Blå.

In tee-shirts and jeans, they arrive at the midsummer event with a basket including a blanket to sit on, a bottle of wine, two cups and pay their 100 kronor to Pernilla who spots them quickly.

Welcome, welcome Gentlemen! She peers into their basket and comments on the lack of schnapps. Come sit with me and the weekenders, we'll show you how to celebrate properly! Her hair is crowned with blue, yellow, and white flowers and her charm is without pretention, so they agree. They notice Bo and Maj-Britt and quickly turn in the other direction. Of course, Bo catches up and says he heard that they’d been in the farm store yesterday. The husbands glare at him in disbelief. Bo adds, my brother owns the place. He told me you bought tomato seeds, ha-ha. Are you planning on building a greenhouse? Have you boys ever gardened before? I can tell you that old tractor doesn’t work; I can use mine to get you started, no need to thank me. Need to clean that garden up, right boys?

Jon’s face reddens as he blurts out that yes, we are buying a greenhouse and a new tractor, however, thank you for the offer.

We are buying a greenhouse, tractor plus a car. John looks at his husband with a furrowed brow disapprovingly.

No, no. I just want him to bug off. Can we talk about this later and just have a fun afternoon, love.

The May Pole is breath taking and the excitement in the air is contagious. Children are running about and playing games, most adults and a large group of teens seem to be already popping out their hard ciders and ales.

Pernilla bounces up and easily takes Jon's hand and pulls him and John to meet the weekenders or as some say, the summer folk. They've made a circle with their picnic blankets and in the middle are two large Irish Wolfhounds. John eases back as they approach his face for a lick. Pernilla introduces Lena the dog’s owner, and she eyes them inquisitively then offers her hand out with a weak handshake. Next is Isak, he has not been to midsummer here in years and nervously explains the details of his mundane lifestyle. Pernilla opens a box of cheap white wine and pulls out paper cups for everyone and fills them to the top, Skål to our new villagers! They all lift their cups, and the melodies begin in the background played by men and women in traditional costumes on their accordions and flutes, soon all is lost in a well-done haze.

Jon dances with Pernilla, John squirms at the presentation of raw herring and with a good swig or ten of anise schnapps provided by Isak, he manages to take a few bites more. It's loud, the dogs are licking plates with potatoes and sour cream and sniffing toes, ears, and all parts of the newly formed group. Despite the event going well into the wee hours of the morning, no one seems fatigued except the dogs. Somehow, Isak, Lena, and Pernilla all wind up with Casper back in the Karlsson’s courtyard where they bring out their 24 pack of Pripps Blå. The cows don't mind the dogs and Casper dances in his underpants hopping like a frog around the group who eventually all pass out sprawled across the overgrown garden.

Bo and Maj-Britt peer over the hedges with coffee in hand and say Herregud! (Oh my God, in Swedish) and shake their heads with disapproval.

Stay tuned for Episode II: Fika, Fika, Fika!

Highlights: The Karlsson’s overbearing neighbours become more intrusive, leading to a standoff of wills.

Isak and Lena’s infatuation begins at fika when Isak swears that her dogs see him for who he truly is.

The Karlsson’s join Pernilla for a night of dancing to a live band at the local pizzeria and meet even more of their eccentric fellow villagers.

Casper breaks his arm and Jon and John wind up taking him in when Pernilla is on holiday in Spain.

The husbands desperately are needing broadband to work remotely and must weigh the costs of a new car, tractor, and replumbing. Will Jon succumb to asking others in the village for help?