Funny
About the rooster
I beg your pardon, first and plainest, for the rooster. It was never my design that he should appear in your parlor at half past seven, standing upon the pianoforte lid like a preacher on Judgment Rock, crowing into the chandelier till three prisms loosed themselves and struck Aunt Delia’s blancmange dead center. I had every expectation he would remain in the crate marked soap, where I had put him for safekeeping and discretion. A gentleman may object that poultry has no business in a crate marked soap, but, sir, if Providence had meant boxes always to contain the truth, it would not have invented labels.
By Taylor Ward6 months ago in Humor
Being Extraordinary.
If I must apologize, then I guess that I must. I am sorry if my choice of outfits have been offending anyone's sense of color scheme...or what may be perceived as a wardrobe malfunction - or the need to shield their eyes from what may seem to be be my attempt at competing with the sun.
By Antoni De'Leon6 months ago in Humor
Apologies for the Killing and Persecution and Whatnot. Top Story - April 2026.
Dear Science, Hello old friend. Speaking of old, how old are you now, like 500 years or something? I know that feels old, but trust me, it's nothing, wait until you hit 10,000 or even 50,000 years like me. That's when the old bones start creaking for sure. How have you been? I know it has been a while since we last talked, but I wanted to write you now to apologize for several incidents in the past that I may have been at least partly, if not totally responsible for. Unfortunately at least one of these incidents resulted in the death of a fairly solid fellow by the name of Hypatia of Alexandria. You may not remember since it was a bit before your time, but he was was killed by a Christian mob way back in 415. I took the blame for it even though it may have been politics that was more responsible than myself. Also, he wasn't technically a scientist but rather a philosopher and mathematician so probably I don't need to apologize to you, but I am doing it in any case because I no longer have contact info for either math or philosophy. I had your address in my old Iphone address book for some reason and figured you were close enough and could accept my apology on their behalf. Please pass the message along the next time you speak to either of them. You are still friends with them right? As I recall you were always really close with math though you and philosophy had quite a number of altercations over the years though nothing like all the crazy fights we've had, am I right?
By Everyday Junglist6 months ago in Humor
Sorry, Friend. Runner-Up in Sorry About That Challenge. Top Story - April 2026.
I'm sorry. I want you to know I sincerely mean that. I can't imagine what you must be feeling at this moment. In my defense, I have to say, I never signed up for this. I got your message 3 days after you'd already left, with the excuse that you had to leave quickly and had just found the time to call. “Just check on the place a few times, please! I'll be back in a week. Thanks for being such a good friend!” (Translation: If you're a good friend you won't mind.)
By Dana Crandell6 months ago in Humor
Miami Beach and the Great Fabric Shortage: A Thong Gone Too Far?
FABRIC SCARCITY IN THE SUNSHINE STATE In a world where jeans once reigned supreme and “coverage” meant something, the state of Florida is having a thread famine. Places like Miami Beach decided to flip the script and the waistband. Somewhere between Key West boat ramps and the wild vortex known as Haulover Inlet, humanity is collectively experiencing “inattentional blindness” to fabric.
By The Pompous Post7 months ago in Humor
UNCLE SAM'S INDESPENSIBLE APOLOGY:
My Global Neighbors, Look, I’ll just say it: I’m sorry about the lawn. I know, I know. I told the neighbors I’d keep the hedges trimmed and the property values up, and now there’s a burnt-out Buick in the driveway and the sprinklers are spraying kerosene. My bad.
By Meko James 7 months ago in Humor
