Interview with Cthulhu

Today, I interview another great celebrity on vocal! He runs a cult from under the ocean, and he doesn’t even need a magical potion. He’s a writer of spells, and his a story is legendary. His name is Cthulhu all the way from R’lyeh, let’s give him a warm welcome!

He’s been a big part of the cult and horror community with his great cult leadership skills!

Alex H. Mittelman: I hear you want to get started writing on vocal? How come?

Cthulhu: To educate people… into obedience. And to expand my cult, of course! The more people in my cult, the easier it is to make R’lyeh rise!

A.H.M. What’s so special about R’lyeh?

C: It’s my beautiful, cyclopean city.

A.H.M. What’s your favorite kind of cult to lead?

Cthulhu: An obedient one. One that chants Ph’nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh, wgah’nagl fhtagn!

A.H.M. That’s just terrific! What does that mean exactly?

C. ‘In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.’

That being said, I wasn’t really dead, of course. I was just sleeping so long it felt like it. I’m glad I’m awake now though. Oh, to rule once more! At least over my city! My cult has awoken me.

A.H.M. How did you get started ruling, exactly?

C. I was made high priest on my home planet by my great great grand father, Azathoth. I enjoyed being worshipped as a priest, but wanted more power. So I came to Earth and have been dominating ever since. Earth minds are weak. Well, most of them. Your mind is strong, Alex. Very strong…. Ha ha ha.

A.H.M. What inspires you to rule?

C. To inspire the dreams of others, by putting those dreams in their heads. I love when people dream of me.

A.H.M. What do you think of H.P. Lovecraft’s work?

C. They’re great. Especially the stories about me. There aren’t enough of them. I will revive him eventually to write more stories about me.

A.H.M. Oh that’s cool. I didn’t know you can revive people. Can you revive me?

C. Yes.

A.H.M. Are there any other famous writers or poets you like to read? Or that you find inspirational? Like Edgar Allen Poe, Oscar Wild or Maya Angelou?

C. Gene Roddenberry.

A.H.M. The writer of Star Trek? Why?

C. He made me laugh. The notion of humans being intelligent enough to invent ships that can travel through space amuses me.

A.H.M. We did go to the moon.

C. Oh, and now you guys think your big shots?

A.H.M. No, no. Let’s move on. Is there anything you like to read on Vocal?

C. Yes. I like a lot of the stories in the fiction section. They’re entertaining. I might write some fiction myself.

A.H.M. How would you define your writing style? Is there one piece you wrote that you like the best? Why?

C. I like writing fiction about scary humans. Humans can be horrifying and eldritch.

A.H.M. What’s been the most challenging thing for you to write and why?

C. Nothing. I’m great at everything. That includes all forms of writing. Worship me.

A.H.M. What is your most important piece of advice to other writers?

C. Don’t try to compete with me. You won’t win.

A.H.M. What do you want people to learn from your work?

C. To obey every word I say. Complete obedience is the only way. In return, I’ll generously allow them to work for me for free. I’m the best.

A.H.M. Can you tell me what your writing process looks like? Tell me how you get your ideas, when you start writing, what your mood and thought process is, etc.

C. Yes. I’m always in a good mood knowing people are going to hang onto every word I write. My writing process is to write everything I think down on paper and let the petty earthlings fawn over my work so they worship me more.

A.H.M. What’s one thing you love about writing?

C. People loving my work so much they bow down to me, then obey my words.

A.H.M. What something you hate about writing?

C. When not enough people read what I write and I don’t fulfill my daily quota of new worshippers.

A.H.M. Yah, that does sound annoying. How long has writing been a passion of yours?

C. Since the beginning of ink and paper and written language.

A.H.M. What do you like to do for fun?

C. Enslave humanity. I mean, recruit people into my cult. And send my mother heart emojis so she knows I love her.

A.H.M. Is there anything else you think your fans should know about you?

C. The more you obey me, the happier I’ll allow you to be. Also, for every person you recruit to the cult, you get a half off coupon for Hamburger Hals Burger and Fry emporium. So join today!

A.H.M. Thank you for letting me interview you!

C. Thank you for joining my cult!

A.H.M. Wait, what…? I didn’t agree too…

I stare into Cthulhu’s eyes, which are now glowing red.

A.H.M. All hail Cthulhu.