Can this article make you happy?

1. "Why can't dogs be lawyers? Because they always try to find a sheet."

2. "The popular game these days is to cover your computer camera with a towel and try to convince your spouse you're not being watched."

3. "I went to an eye doctor recently and found out that what I thought was the mayor's TV show was actually his wife."

4. "I can put any baby to sleep just by singing a song. I call it my Beethoven."

5. "I recently opened a museum of currency, but its only exhibit was the Dallas offense."

6. "My friend always tells me to stand up and raise my hand, I answered a number, and he hasn't talked to me since."

7. "My grandma didn't sleep all night because she couldn't find the power button on her TV. I told her it was red, she said she'd seen red things for forty years without thinking of them as switches."

8. "Why does football love? Because its score is always a tie one-zero."

9. "I have a friend who got married and said his girlfriend always wanted to sleep with him. I told him to relax, not to worry too much, because by the time his marriage reached its twentieth year, he would never want to sleep with his wife either."

10. "Someone asked me, 'Do you know how soap operas get their names?' I answered, 'Because they often make you feel like you're washing the sunboard itself.'"

11. "Sometimes I think that if I go to Vegas at the age of 80 and trade seriously, maybe I can achieve my dream of becoming a professional gambler. If I haven't achieved my dream yet, I'll give up when I'm 100 and start selling hot dogs."

12. "I recently discovered that when I try to observe things up close, my eyes are affected. It turns out I'm better suited to a remote telescope."

13. "Why are gloved police officers usually convenient? Because they have bread flour and four vagrants around them."

14. "Why do you wear a hat when eating hot pot? Because someone might spray snot on you."

15. "I've always wanted to be a pilot, and before becoming a disaster relief doctor, I became a pilot and a disaster relief doctor."

16. "I recently developed a nervous disorder where every time I see someone coughing, I want to cover my eyes with a tissue."

17. "I went to a field to watch a naked football match, only to find out it was a dream."

18. "Do you know why there are no Hollywood movies made on the moon? Because there are no props there."

19. "I'm selling a painting that says 'Primitive America'. A more accurate title might be 'Injured Flying Indian'."

20. "The greatest pursuit in America is freedom, but when I'm at home trying to put a bunch of garbage in the trash, it doesn't feel as real."

21. A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender hands him the drink and asks, "Would you like to go ahead and start a tab?" The man replies, "Sure, I'll start a tab with you. So, do you have any recommendations for a good law firm?"

22. A blonde woman was driving down the interstate when she saw another blonde woman on the side of the road in deep despair. She pulled over and asked what was wrong. The other woman replied, "My car broke down and I don't have my cell phone with me. I'm not sure what to do." The first blonde smiled and said, "Don't worry, honey. We just need to pop the hood and take a look." They walked over to the car and the first blonde spent a few minutes looking under the hood. She finally asked, "Is it the carburetor?" The other woman replied, "No, it's the battery." The first blonde slapped her forehead and said, "Oh, duh. I knew that. It's just been so long since I've stolen a car."

23. A man had to go to a funeral, so he asked his friend to take care of his pet parrot while he was away. A few days later, the man returned and asked his friend how the parrot was doing. The friend replied, "Well, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that your parrot can now recite the entire New Testament from memory." The man was amazed and asked, "What's the bad news?" His friend replied, "Well, I'm sorry to say, but he's become a Jehovah's Witness."

24. A couple decided to take a vacation in Florida. When they arrived at the airport rental car counter, the husband asked for a convertible. The woman working there shook her head and said, "Sorry, we don't have any convertibles available." The man replied, "But my wife really wants to feel the wind in her hair." The woman behind the counter smiled and said, "Sir, I'm afraid we don't rent out convertibles to bald men."