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Another D.I.D. Convo from my favorite authors

A Humorous Outake from the Narrator

By Andrew C McDonaldPublished 3 months ago 3 min read
2

Another Outake 3 way conversation between my 3 favorite authors - Me, Myself, and I ... No You involved. Above I observe as You faces down Me and Myself.

---- ___ ---- ___ ---- ___ ---- ___ ----

DITCHED {dit’ch’d}: What occurs when one falls into a depression in the ground

AUTHOR(S) ASIDE:

I: “Again? Now what?”

Me: “Shut up I!”

I: “No I will not!”

Me: "Oooohhh… Damn You I, You piss me off.”

I: “Nyah, nyah.”

Myself: “I will just ignore I. 1, 2, 3,…”

I: “Oh no you will not!”

Myself: “Yes I will… Oh, damn it all! Anyway, here I go…”

I: “I will not either go!”

Me: “Just please be quiet I. Sorry, now then; reference the term ‘ditched.’"

____________________

Little Johnny stumbled through his front door after school, leaving a trail of muddy footprints on the carpet. Hearing her son grumbling, Mrs. Anderson walked in from the kitchen. Taking in Little Johnny’s dirty clothes and muddy shoes she asked “What happened to you Little Johnny?” Little Johnny replied “You know how I usually walk home with Timmy and Billy? Well, they ditched me today.” “I’m sorry to hear that” said Mrs. Anderson, “but what happened to your clothes?” Exasperated, Little Johnny looked at his mother and said “I told you they ditched me! It was wet and muddy down there.”

Note: In that Little Johnny’s voice has not yet fully matured the last statement was probably delivered in a falsetto. Speaking of which…

_

FALSETTO {fals – e’toe}: An etto that is fake or counterfeit

“Hey, this ‘ere is a falsetto. Give me a different one a’fore I call the cops.”

COUNTERFEIT {coun’ter – fit}: What the counter does if it was made properly

“That counterfeit there perfectly.”

**ALTERNATELY**

What occurs when epileptic accountant is off his medication

“Sorry Queen, the tally reports will be late, the accountant threw a counterfeit.”

--- _ ---

SHREWD {schru’d}: What occurs to a man when his woman gets really angry

“That woman done shrewd him but good!”

SAND CASTLE {sand – cass’l}: A poorly designed medieval engineering project. I personally recommend switching to more solid construction materials.

AUTHOR(S) ASIDE:

Me: “What, no comment?”

I: “Got Me, didn’t I?”

Myself: “Oh dear lord. What did I do to deserve this?”

I: “I didn’t do anything.”

Me: “Did so!”

I: “Did not!”

Myself: “I give up.”

I: “I will not!”

Myself: “In any case, here comes another joke…”

Now that Little Johnny has introduced us to the wonders of furniture building and the perils of being ditched by ones friends, we now find him back at school:

Mr. Ludlow, the history teacher, rose from behind his desk and looked out at his 6th grade class. Noting their nervous gazes fixating on him, Mr. Ludlow raised a hand for quiet and asked “Since we’ve been studying the Pilgrims and how they met the Indians, can anyone tell me what a tee-pee is?” In the rear of the class Little Johnny tentatively raised his hand. Looking around expectantly Mr. Ludlow spotted the hand. Pointing to the back of the class he said “Yes Little Johnny? Can you tell us what a tee-pee is?” Little Johnny stood up and proudly stated “Sure. It’s what happens every time my mom drinks too much chamomile and has to go to the bathroom.”

TEEPEE: The reason you don’t anger the waitress prior to her delivering your drink.

“This Earl Gray sure is yellow. Do you think the waitress teepee?”

---- ___ ---- ___ ---- ___ ---- ___ ----

The above is an excerpt from a comedic work I wrote a while back that is mostly a dictionary written in puns {think Jeff Foxworthy} that is narrated by three subjects: Me, Myself, and I. The Dictionary is called

P.O.P.P.L.E.R. – EFFECT :: Plethora of Pedantic Phrases Limited English Rendition

As you can see it is also smattered with a number of jokes. All jokes contained therein are the product of Me, Myself, and I. No You there.

SatiricalJokesHilarious
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About the Creator

Andrew C McDonald

Andrew McDonald is a 911 dispatcher of 30 yrs with a B.S. in Math (1985). He served as an Army officer 1985 to 1992, honorably exiting a captain.

https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Keys-Andrew-C-McDonald-ebook/dp/B07VM843XL?ref_=ast_author_dp

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Comments (2)

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  • Dharrsheena Raja Segarran3 months ago

    Hahahahahahahhaahaha the way my jaw dropped when I realised which "ditched" he meant! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • Naveed 3 months ago

    This writing was outstanding

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