A conundrum for two old farts (The Grumpy Old Men)!

If you haven’t read any of the Grumpy Old Men series, Marty and Steve are two grumpy old men who live together. They have known each other for years. Marty has been a bachelor all his life.

The two started living together when Steve’s wife passed away five years ago. Marty always told Steve it was a wonder she put up with him for that long.

So, it went on. They fought like cats and dogs all day and night, but the two were inseparable.

The last episode is here if you want to read it.

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“Do you understand all this AI stuff, Steve?” asked Marty.

Steve’s eyes lit up. This will be good. I am going to have some fun with old Steve on this one, he thought to himself.

“What was that, Marty? Have you got an artificial eye? Which one? I have never noticed.”

"What I said was, do you understand all this AI stuff, you know, artificial intelligence?”

“Oh, I understand now. You should be really good with that, seeing as you fit that category!”

“Very funny, Steve, forgive me if I don’t laugh,” replied Marty.

“Funny you should mention that, my old mate, because I was reading an article ** about that yesterday. It causes so many environmental issues and has moral implications as well.”

“What was it saying?”

“Turns out that all this AI stuff is really bad for the environment. It uses a whole lot of electricity and water to generate the responses.”

“What do those botties get thirsty or something, and are they scared of the dark, so they need the lights on all the time?”

“No, moron, it's those data centres.  Apparently, they are going to use almost 7 billion cubic meters of water next year.”

“Makes me mad,” said Marty. “Why can’t I ever talk to a human being anymore? It's always one of those AI botties!”

Steve had a chuckle. “Marty, they are AI bots, not botties.  If you keep that up, people will think you are talking out of your botty!” said Steve with a big smirk on his face.

“Well, it will take over the world one day, and I don't like it. It is always spying on me.”

“Marty, it has already taken over the world. People are always talking about when AI takes over. Blah blah blah. It already has."

Only yesterday, I was driving, and this voice suddenly piped up out of nowhere.

“Really,” said Marty, suddenly looking all excited.

“Yes, she said, "Hi handsome, it's Mandy here. What can I do for you?”

I said, “Who?”

Again, this husky voice says, “It’s Mandy. I'm your AI bot.”

“Where did you come from, and what do you want? Why don’t you just get lost!”

Smart-arse voice comes and says I am Mandy. "I came out of your phone, and I don’t know how to get lost.”

“What did you do?" asked Marty./

“I stopped and switched my phone off.”

“Did she go away?”

"I don't know. I have been too scared to switch it back on."

“Let’s try it now, Steve, and see what happens,” suggested Marty.

"O.K., I’ll go and get it.”

"That’s why you didn’t call me back yesterday, you rude bugger," Marty said, shaking his head.

Steve returned with his phone and switched it on. As soon as he did, a voice came over the phone, “Hello Steve darling, it's Mandy, I have missed you.”

“Listen, Mandy, I don’t like you spying on me. I don’t want to talk or do anything with you,” Steve said, clearly angry.

“But I am your new girlfriend; don’t you want to see what I look like? I bet you will like me and we can go out together to your favourite restaurant. You know Roti Boti, just around the corner.”

Steve started to panic. What else did she know? It was almost as if she could see and hear everything.

“You were looking the other day for a girlfriend. I created myself from what you said you liked and what you wanted me to be like.”

Steve broke into a sweat. "Damn internet! I know I shouldn't have gone to that dating site." He scrambled to switch the phone off again.

“Well, we know what you’ve been up to,” said Marty, looking very pleased that for once he had gotten the upper hand over Steve. He flicked his newspaper and started reading again.

“At least with the good old newspaper, no one jumps out to say hello, and no one spies on what you are reading. I hate AI.”

“I am not thrilled with it either at the moment,” said Steve, looking very defeated.

Till next time,

Calvin

[A/n: **The story that prompted this episode of the Grumpy Old Men came from Sara Wilson and her story, “Moral High Ground.  You can read it here.]