Your Personal Relationships:

In social penetration theory, relationships move through a scale of layers determining where you stand and how intimately you may know a person. We can call these layers the Onion Model. We call it this, because like an onion, whenever you pull back a layer, there is another one waiting to be explored. As people, we all have layers that make up our identities.

Self disclosure is sharing information about ourselves. Information we share, and how much one knows about you can determine what layer they may be under regarding your personal relationship.

The Orientation Layer - This is the layer that contains things most people would know about you. The self disclosure in this layer is not very deep, and the contents of your inner self remain hidden from most people this layer is presented to. For example, the orientation layer could contain things that you might disclose to coworkers, peers, or other people you see around, but are not connected with on a deeper level. The orientation layer is full of things that wouldn’t take long to discover about an individual, including likes, dislikes, and different tastes.

The Exploratory Layer - This level contains many things that one would know about you only if they knew you fairly well. Favorites and interpersonal information make up the majority of information found and received on this layer. These things are not things you would know just by looking or observing a person. People who fall into this layer can often be certain family members and friends.

The Effective Layer - This layer contains closer family members and friends, but not the people who give your deepest secrets to. These people may know you very well, but they would not be able to predict your actions or would they be able to tell what triggers you. That is saved for the stable layer.

The Stable Layer - This is the deepest layer you can share with a person. The information shared in the core layer is information that you keep away from the general public and even family and friends. People who take up this layer are more often than not spouses or particularly close family members. This information includes hopes, fears, dreams, ect.

You can have a relationship sitting at any of these layers, but it usually takes more time and effort the deeper you go. Time and effort are keys to dwelling deeper into relationships. This video explains the way this works and dives deeper into the ways this is possible.

I find that most relationships I have are in the orientation layer. I don’t like to talk much, and it is hard for me to open up and share personal information or receive it gracefully. However, I think it is fascinating to find where other relationships I have may fall in this model. Personally, I have a wonderful relationship with most of my family, but those relationships still only fall into the effective layer. There is only one person who knows me well enough to be on the stable layer, and I with them. That is the best friend I have had since elementary school. My own mother doesn’t even fall into the stable category! It is shocking to find who really understands you when you start looking deeper into your relationships. Maybe we should all be observing how we interact with those in our lives and reevaluating how we think of our personal relationships.