Why Living Together First Before Getting Married Is Smart

You never know what a person truly is like until you’ve lived with them.

Let’s paint a picture. Imagine yourself with your foreign girlfriend. You just got married and you both are in the process of moving stuff into the house you two will be living in from now on. And as you both are trying to settle down -- moving in the new furniture, unpacking all the wedding gifts, and setting your clothes in the wardrobe -- you realize one thing: You both have totally different lifestyles.

And it’s evident in the way she makes her coffee way differently than you do. In the way she leaves the windows open all the time while you always keep them closed. The fact that she uses up all the hot water in the morning doesn’t help either because now you have to go to work shivering.

Did you anticipate this? Did you prepare yourself for the sudden changes? And if you did, were your expectations met? Are you handling these changes well?

Because if you answered no to all of them, you have to understand that that’s how your life is going to be from now on. You just married this woman, after all. Unless you want a divorce after the first minor inconvenience, this is your life now.

You need to understand that just because you love one another, doesn’t mean you both will be able to stand each other 24/7, especially if your lifestyles are so different. Changes have to be made on the spot, fights will happen and being adaptable is a needed requirement.

You would have been prepared for all of this if you’d just lived with her for at least half a year before deciding to marry her.

Cohabitation Before Marriage

There is a study conducted by the Pew Research Center that says you are less likely to divorce if you have cohabited with your partner before you get married. They compared married and unmarried couples who were living together in terms of trust and satisfaction. It states that cohabiting couples are not as different as married ones.

These couples have grown accustomed to the constant presence of each other in their daily lives. They know each other like the back of their hands and know how to read the other as well as they know themselves. Close proximity to each other played well in it.

Cohabitation allows couples to test whether or not they can live together. Marrying without testing the waters gives way to so many marital problems.

It May Make or Break Your Relationship

The ultimate test of your love is cohabitation. It's the point at which you begin to see each other on a more intimate and personal level. Your barriers begin to crumble as you become more at ease in one another's company. You don't mind looking scruffy first thing in the morning, and you don't care about the dishes in the sink.

It’s habits like these that bring light to who you really are.

When you live together, you can see your partner for who he or she truly is, rather than be blinded by the "new love" high. It means confronting life's challenges without pretense or rose-tinted lenses. It's just you and her, being your true selves.

Living together shouldn’t ruin your relationship. It just exposes you and your partner down to your core. You get to know each other's good and bad aspects, how you react in a pinch, and how you interact with one another as a whole.

If your relationship falls apart on a minor disagreement, it was probably never meant to be. A partner who picks apart your behaviors is merely looking for an excuse to leave you. Otherwise, they would have presented a compromise solution.

But if things have been going well thus far, it just implies that a) you and your partner know how to compromise, or b) you are a perfect fit in each other's lives.

Domestic life is full of responsibilities and challenges. Managing finances, distributing housework, and even making time for each other are all things that couples must do. It will take some time to adjust, but isn't that what cohabitation is for?

The Legal Process

Your girlfriend is someone who lives overseas, therefore there are plenty of necessary steps to think about and do.

The citizenship process

Pay attention throughout the process: inaccuracies and inappropriate disclosure could result in citizenship being delayed or rejected. Seek legal advice as soon as possible.

Get a K-1 visa

If your significant other lives outside of the United States and the wedding takes place in her home country, you'll need to take special precautions to ensure that the necessary visas are in place. The visa is proof that the government has granted permission for a foreign national to visit the United States.

Apply for Resident Status

Apply to change your spouse's status to permanent resident status, generally known as a "green card." A green card allows someone to live and work permanently in the United States.

The United States naturalization process

Your partner will still need to undergo this process so she becomes a full-fledged US citizen. And she has to:

• Be able to understand civics
• Be 18 years old or above
• Be able to read, write and speak English
• Have a green card for at least 3 years
• Be married and live with another U.S. citizen for at least three years prior to applying.
• Live in the state where you filed the application for at least 3 months before you apply
• Live in the States for AT LEAST 18 months in the previous 3 years prior to applying. She also has to have remained in the country continuously from the time of application until citizenship

Call it Practice

Cohabitation before marriage is basically you and your partner practicing being able to live together. It’s a step closer to marriage. And once you’ve lived with your partner long enough and then get married, you will find that the only change made is the certificate. That and her last name.

At least it’ll be less problematic once you do seal the deal with her.