Why Do Some People Fall For Others Who Can’t Love Them?

James Allen, writing in 1902, made a profound observation that has stood the test of time: “Men do not attract what they seek,” he said. “They attract who they are.”

Translated simply, that means an honest person is not likely to attract a criminal as a partner. The two just wouldn’t go well together. Neither would a loving person attract an unloving one, as the two types would not work. In essence, people can only attract like-minded others, or those who wish to control them.

Those who tend to attract others who are incapable of loving them are basically conforming to the Law of Attraction: that we attract who we are, not what we expect! If we don’t love ourselves, we are likely to attract people who don’t love themselves, either, and if we have no self-love, how can we love anyone else? Where would we get the love from to share with them?

If you are attracting a certain type of person who is always causing you pain and angst, because they are unable to love you, what signals are you giving like a beacon which are drawing such types towards you?

It is likely that, as you have no self-love, you attract others without self-love, too, by your own self-rejecting actions. When we lack love we cannot love others, because we cannot give away what we haven’t got. We tend to hope that the person’s love will substitute for our love instead. However, as that person reflects who we are, they would be behaving like us, too, so they would have no love to give us either. They would be mainly seeking to take from us, not to give. Unfortunately, that is often realised only when there have been time and emotional investment in the relationship.

The Importance Of Self-Love

If you don’t love and appreciate yourself, why should anyone else love what you don’t like? Hence why you might not have been getting the love you seek. The only way to change the type of person you attract is to change your perspective and approach, and that’s not easy to do after years of negative habits that keep you in that state. You would need to start the slow process of self-love and self appreciation, to value yourself so that others can value you, too.

For example, stop doing things like:

• finding constant fault with yourself;

• putting yourself down;

• focusing on your weaknesses and ‘faults’ instead of your strengths;

• comparing yourself negatively to others;

• beating yourself up when things do not go right;

• telling yourself negative things that do nothing to uplift you.

You probably do all these things so often, they come naturally to you, without you even thinking. Time to break the loveless cycle.

Start telling yourself uplifting things like how blessed you are with everything you’ve got. Start being more grateful for your life instead of taking things and people for granted. Start admiring and valuing whatever you do. Start treating yourself when you do something you like, or achieve something you want. Life is for living positively, not just in a victim-like state. You are as important and valued as the next person. Time to start appreciating how awesome you are!

Once you really start the self-appreciation process, and getting rid of the negativity inside your head, more positive, loving people will want your company, too, because you won’t be burdening them with your expectations of being loved, while giving them very little in return. Instead, you will have something to share - your love for yourself - which means you won’t be dependent on that person for emotional support. You could take it or leave it, and even be fun with it, too!