Why Do People Disappear from Our Lives without Saying Anything?

The opposite of love is not hatred, but indifference. The ghosting phenomenon is more and more current nowadays. Specifically, we are talking about the situation when a man or a woman suddenly leaves a relationship without saying anything, without even leaving a phone call or e-mail, not even a text.

The ghosting phenomenon is not new. Such cases have occurred in the past, but years ago this type of behavior was considered limited to a certain type of person. Today, the phenomenon is experienced by almost 50% of men and women. Despite the usual nature of the phenomenon, the emotional effects can be devastating and particularly damaging, especially to those who already have low self-esteem.

Why do people disappear?

People who face this phenomenon are primarily focused on avoiding their emotional discomfort, without thinking about how it makes others feel. The lack of social connections, due to those created online, also means that there are fewer social consequences for giving up someone.

The more often it happens, the less sensitive people become to this phenomenon. Here are some attempts by people who have suddenly left a relationship:

"I didn't understand exactly how I felt at the time, so instead of trying to talk, I left."

"I disappeared, thinking it was a storm or I was scared to find what I wanted … Or it was a fear factor from a past relationship."

"Looking through the lens of a coward, passive withdrawal from meetings seems to be the easiest and most beautiful way … until it's done for you."

"I consider myself a sincere and simple person. And yet I left … "

How does the person who was abandoned feel?

For many people, ghosting can lead to conflicting feelings. People feel disrespected, used, and discouraged. If you have known the person beyond simple facts, then the situation can be even more traumatic. When someone we love and trust leaves, we take everything as a very deep betrayal. Here are some reports of those who were abandoned:

"I felt like an idiot. Like I was crazy. It is very difficult after that to get in touch with another person and then not hear anything about him again. It is painful and very disappointing. "

"I felt a lump in my throat when it happened to me. Lack of respect is an insult. The lack of a man is insane. It is painful to find that a man did not even consider it appropriate to tell you that it is over, it is over, and to let you wait, to make illusions ".

"By texting us every day and meeting us a few times a week, you can't get the slightest idea that you're just being abandoned."

"Ghosting is one of the cruelest forms of emotional torture."

Why does it hurt so much?

The social reaction activates the same pain pathways in the brain as the physical pain. You can reduce the emotional pain of rejection with certain medications. However, there are certain factors about ghosting that contribute to psychological stress.

Ghosting gives you no answer on how to react. People can create hundreds of scenarios in their heads. Should you worry? Is he somehow injured and lying in a hospital bed somewhere? Should you be upset? Maybe he's a little busy and will call you at any time? 

Being connected to others is very important for our survival. We are programmed to monitor the environment so that we know how to respond in various social situations. Social signs allow us to regulate our behavior properly, but the missing one deprives us of these common clues and can create a feeling of emotional blockage in which you feel out of control.

One of the most unpleasant aspects of ghosting is that it not only causes you contradictory feelings but also makes you question the veracity of the relationship you had. People usually ask themselves:

• Why didn't I anticipate that?

• How was my character so weak?

• What did I do to behave like that?

• How can I protect myself from repeating myself?

This self-interrogation is the result of basic psychological systems that have the role of monitoring the social situation and transmitting this information to the person through feelings of self-worth and self-respect.

When rejection occurs, self-esteem, as psychologists say, decreases, and you feel abandoned. If you have been through several such situations, or if your self-esteem is already low, you may experience rejection as even more painful and may take longer to overcome.

Ghosting has often been seen by mental health professionals as a form of emotional cruelty. In essence, it leaves you powerless and gives you no chance to ask questions or receive information that would help you emotionally process the experience.

It prevents you from expressing your emotions and being heard, which is important for maintaining your self-esteem.

Regardless of the intention of the person who left, ghosting is a passive-aggressive interpersonal tactic that can leave psychological marks and scars.

How to proceed?

The most important thing to know is that when someone suddenly leaves they say nothing about you or your merit of being loved. People who do such things do not understand the impact of their behavior and do not care. In any case, they sent you an extremely strong message, saying, "I don't have what it takes to have a healthy, mature relationship with you." Keep your dignity and let it go in peace.

Do not allow a person to make you suffer, make you lose your trust, and do not want to enter into another relationship. Take care of things that make you happy. If you are an honest person who treats people with respect, then the one who left was simply not yours, and someone much better is predestined for you.