Why All Writers Should Take Rejection Personally

My intention was to write an uplifting piece about how rejection is a part of the writing game and that as a pro or budding pro, you need to have thick skin.

Next, I was going to talk about how it's just "part of the game", and that a writer needs to get used to lots of "no's" before that one "yes" comes through.

I was then going to share some uplifting quotes about how pressure makes diamonds out of coal. You know, something badass that makes you nod your head as you read along.

Finally, I'd toss in an excerpt from some famous writer's book about how they were rejected 125 times and didn't find success until the 126th time, and they were about to turn 55 years old or go back to work as a CPA or something.

You feeling me?

You see, all these things that are designed to make you feel better, and to not quit, and to keep slinging ink, and that success is so close you can just about taste it if you just keep at it.

But I'd be lying.

I'd be lying to you, and more importantly, to myself.

Rejection cuts deep.

Turn-downs hurt.

Big fat NO's suck.

It's personal.

As I pondered this piece about the pain of rejection, I wondered if perhaps I was just too "soft". Or maybe I'm a little on the sensitive side. And the thought of maybe I'm not supposed to be a writer did swoosh through my mind.

But I'm none of those. And at the same time, I am all of them. I guess what I mean to say is I'm human.

When a girl turned me down at the dance, it was like a kick in the teeth…

(But I told my friends it was cool because I really didn't like her that much anyway. I lied)

When I was a kid, and the team picked me last, I cried…

(Later, I shared with my mom it was because I had a twisted ankle, that's why I cried. I lied)

When I wrote a piece of work that I thought was magnificent, and it was flatly rejected, it felt like a dagger to my spirit…

(My wife asked me what's wrong, and I said I had accidentally submitted a piece before I got to edit it. I lied)

So this one, the one you're reading this moment, was going to be about how to take all those frowns and flip them upside down.

Until I realized that these are the things that make some of us great.

Maybe you?

Maybe you thought you were alone in this?

Well, you're not.

You see, I take rejection personally. But not the kind of personal that makes me want to quit, or go punch a bean bag, or scream at God.

It's the kind of personal that makes me wanna be better.

It drives me.

No. Actually, it fires me the hell up.

Those stories I shared and then lied about didn't end there.

They could have. Very easily so.

That girl from the dance? She told me no. It hurt. I moved on. Later I found the love of my life, and we've been together for over 20 years.

And the team that left me for last? Fuck them. I took up some solo sports and found I excelled. Ran seven full marathons and even completed an Ironman Triathlon.

That rejected article? I worked with writing a coach. Joined a group of authors. Focused on my skill and the basics and now make a living as a writer. Yeah. A LIVING!

You see, the real moral of this story isn't to stand up, dust off and mount that pony again.

The truth behind it is that it's ok to feel the pain.

Just don't let that damn pain stop you.

Feel it.

Sit with it.

Bathe in it.

Let it pulsate through you.

Then use it.

Use it.

The final word.

Writing is a personal journey for many of us. It's not always easy, and it can be lonely at times. But if you're willing to take rejection as fuel for your need to succeed, then that rejection will only make you stronger in the long run. When someone tells me my writing doesn't cut it, I'm going right back to work on making sure they were wrong next time around.

What about you? Have any of these rejections ever spurred something great out of your creative process?

Let me know in the comments. Together we rise.