Who am I?

WHO AM I?

They say, "You will know a person by the things that they like," but knowing a person does not end with knowing the things that they like. One needs to dig deeper into the person’s likes, hobbies, and dislikes. But nowadays, the concept of pretending has been practiced and mastered by most millennials, so we also need to observe a person’s emotions, facial expressions, facial movements, and non-verbal ways of communication.

Now that I asked myself, "Who am I?" I got speechless. I don’t know what to say other than the things that I believe that I am;

1. I like to be in the dark.

2. I can defend myself in every situation.

3. I like to read fictional books.

4. I love writing when I am sad.

5. I love to explore the rare things in the world.

6. I like to play taekwondo.

So, in being able to write this, I paused and tried to ask myself the very same question, "Who am I?". I don’t want to be biased against myself, so I tried to recall the situations that I have been in in the past and how I handled them. I even tried to observe myself through my emotions and the way that I handle situations around me. There are things that I discovered about myself that contradict the things that I believe that I am, but thankfully, I was able to cope with them and accept them.

After a couple of days, I was able to learn more about myself;

1. I thought I was strong enough to face every challenge in my life and I would be able to defend myself in every situation that I was in.

2. I thought I was strong enough to defend myself, knowing that I’d lose an important person in my life.

3. I thought the remarks of the people around me did not matter;

4. I thought I liked being alone in the dark; and finally;

5. I thought I was smart enough to know myself the most, but I was wrong.

At some points in my life, I was so weak that;

1. I would just let some people think of me the way they think of me.

2. I felt so weak that even the attempt to open my mouth to speak up made me tremble and wobble my knees.

3. I was so weak that I would just bow my heads and cry my heart out until I ran out of tears, unable to stand up, make eye contact, speak up, or defend myself in order to enlighten them and share my side story.

But this only applies to the people that I treasure and to the people around me. I don’t want to defend myself, thinking that defending myself might be an open door to a scarred relationship and a first step to losing an important person in my life, but if I had an argument with other people, I would always stand up and fight, knowing that I would lose a toxic person in my life. And then, I thought I liked being in the dark, alone and untouchable, but I was wrong. During the nights that I was alone, I wasn’t happy, but I was comfortable. It turns out that I just like the comfort of using my gadget in the dark without getting caught, but when it is time to let go of my device, I would feel alone and empty. Sometimes I don’t feel alone, especially when I watch horror movies before I go to bed. And finally, I was wrong to think that I know myself the best. Through the days, I was able to learn things about myself that I thought I was not. Turns out, I just know the things that I like and my hobbies, but I didn’t dig deeper. I haven’t observed my inner self, and I just get to know myself with the things that I believe that I am.