You Did It

 I don't know where to begin. These past few months have been a rollercoaster of emotions, and I find myself on the edge of hopelessness. My journey toward healing something inside me has been tumultuous, exposing wounds I once thought were already healed, but it turns out they were just buried deep within me.

For so long, I saw myself as a passive observer in my own life, merely going through the motions. I were a 'go with the flow' person and I don't know why. Maybe it is because I was afraid to voice out. And sadly, because of that fear where I thought will be my comfort zone has become a nightmare because that fear turned me deaf. I could no longer hear my own voice because even my mouth won't even open. The trauma I experienced shaped me into someone I could no longer comprehend - a person who lost its voice and now lost in a dark abyss of pain and confusion. It felt as if life held no purpose, as if I was just breathing because it was expected of me.

Every day seemed to blend into the next, devoid of meaning or joy. The weight of the past anchored me down to the depths of the ocean, suffocating me and any glimmer of hope that dared to surface. It felt as though hope itself had abandoned me. 

I questioned if I would ever find the strength to break free from the chains of my past and liberate the inner child within me who had been silenced and wounded, because honestly, these chains have never felt this big and heavy. Looking at it, it feels so much bigger than me that it blocks the way to the light where I long to be. The road ahead seemed so daunting, and I wondered if I had the courage to face the pain head-on if even lifting my hands was just so heavy and painful.

But, even though I feel out of hope, a small flicker still lingers within me. That light that I was looking for was within me all along, and I was just too lonely to feel it. I was too afraid to admit that it was still within me. Maybe it's a tiny ember of resilience or a spark of determination, but I refuse to let it extinguish completely. I refuse to let my trauma define the rest of my life.

I know deep down that healing takes time, and there are no shortcuts on this journey. It requires facing the pain, acknowledging it, and allowing myself to grieve for the little girl who suffered in silence. That is the most hard part of healing—to face the pain, to acknowledge it, and to grieve. But however hard it gets, I know that those steps mean finding a way to bring the light back into the little girl's eyes and to nurture her wounds with compassion and tenderness.

 So, despite feeling lost and out of hope, I will keep pushing forward. I will seek support, whether it be from loved ones, therapy, or a community that understands. I will rediscover the things that bring me joy, no matter how small they may seem. I will seek solace in nature, in art, and in the simple pleasures of life. If you are like me, you should do it too. And most importantly, offer yourself patience and love. Healing may be a rocky and uncertain path, but let's be determined to guide our inner child towards a brighter future.

 As I continue to walk on this journey of healing, I cling to the belief that healing is possible. It may be a dim light in the midst of darkness, but I will nurture it with every ounce of strength I have left because I want to see myself again with the sweetest smile anyone could see and tell myself, "You did it."