Where is the LOVE?

Where is the Love?

What's wrong with the world, mama

People livin' like they ain't got no mamas

I think the whole world's addicted to the drama

Only attracted to the things that'll bring the trauma

Where is the Love?

Where is the Love?

Where is the Love?

…I wonder, the same way as Black Eyed Peas did in the song that flooded the world. Was it because more of us feel the empty space within our hearts? Looking for love yet knowing we are somehow missing the point?

My obsession is Love.

I loooooooove LOVE.

And my work is to remind people how to truly LOVE again.

Relationship coach you may say. Influencer. Mentor. Facilitator of workshops and retreats. Teacher. Speaker. LEADER. Out of the box Thinker. Magician. Priestess. Witch… The roads are many but they all lead to Babylon.

And my Babylon is SACRED MARRIAGE, the ultimate expression of Love known to us.

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I remember watching my mum and dad fighting when I was a child. My dad would get eventually angry and storm out of the room. My mum would end up closing herself in the bathroom and crying her eyes out.

They said it was LOVE. I did not understand!

I remember having girlfriends that were amazing one day and another day they tossed me in between them, offending me and telling me how stupid I am.

They said it was LOVE. I did not understand!

I had a boy texting in my teens. Flirting with me. He was dating my girlfriend and she did not know.

He said it was LOVE. I did not understand!

You would say it was because I was young, but was it, really?

I was 29 when I was dating a man who loved me but after a year he left me for another woman that he just met. She was amazing! So I was suddenly redundant. And he even avoided me for a month to even tell me the truth.

Was that love? Don’t think so.

I had a woman who was dating the same man in our open relationship. She told me she loves me. But then she gave the man an ultimatum between her or me, got rid of me and then told me I betrayed her.

Was it love?

I even had a man I connected with, slept with and fell pregnant to. And had struggled to get him on the phone since.

Is that how we love? For real?

To me, that IS NOT LOVE!

I was hungry. Hungry for relationships that are meaningful. To me, none of these really cut it. Hiding our true self under the rug, closing our hearts to one another, living in our own little caves and coming to marriages where we end up housemates instead of partners. Sounds pretty twisted to me!

Where is the LOVE then?

Seems like we have no idea but the ironic joke is actually that you know! All of us do! I have always known!

The fluttering feeling inside of my heart that keeps whispering to me what love looks like and what it feels like. Peace. Freedom. Warmth. Support. Paradise. Heaven on Earth.

There is no mistake that no matter who you ask, they will use similar words to describe Love. It is as if we all knew!!?!? Because we do know!

So why do we play games? Cheat? Lie? Betray? Even kill for love?

What is it that we need to surrender to remember how to Love?

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I have been blessed to listen to a wonderful man, Bruce Lyon, speak of our immaturity in Love. We act like foolish kids, he said, for we seek love externally instead of realising Love is who we are.

Have you been waiting for love to enter your life? For someone to show up for you? To love you deeply? To hold you? To support you? To send you loving messages? To shower you with gifts? To be there when you need them?

Simply - are you depending on others to feel Love?

Are you even dependent on yourself to show you Love? To actually feel Loved?!

It is a very IMMATURE way of experiencing love - one that we seek externally. Take, take, take from somewhere on the outside. To fill our cup up.

I have done that for ages - looking for the guy to kiss me, touch me, sleep with me so I feel like I am worthy of love, looking for the girlfriends that will be there at all times, parents that will love me perfectly, housemates to love me, communities to love me…even myself - had to prove me that I love me!

It is mad! Because I just looked for that proof of love - on the outside!

Which ultimately pointed to the LACK on the inside - my cup was incredibly empty. I felt alone, forgotten, abandoned, I did not matter. I was resentful to the world and my heart was aching in solitude and pain. I gave up my body multiple times to get at least that little bit of attention. To make up for it, I got drunk so that I don’t feel the pain inside of my heart.

But then there is a MATURE way to Love.

How would that look?

You realise you are the LOVE!

You have always been, you are and you will always be LOVE!

Let your ego die, pull down the veil and see yourself as your essence. That is love! There is an infinite source of power sitting inside of your chest. The cup of that love does not need to be filled. It is eternal. It is always overflowing.

Mature love does not look to take. It GIVES.

It gives of itself. No matter the outcome. No matter the circumstances.

You give because Love is who you are.

You will get hurt. But you cannot help but love anyway because you no longer can help but be Love.

When you love that way, you don’t demand, you don’t require, you don’t expect, you don’t judge.

(Okay, you do a little, because you are still a human and not always a saint :D…. but…)

You love by CHOICE.

You allow others to love you by CHOICE.

And those who will be with you will be there by their FREE CHOICE.

There is no greater LOVE than that.

When someone chooses you because they want to!

Maturity is to GIVE because you realise who you are <3

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I wish I could tell that I know that because my parents taught me that and that is how I always experienced relationships. As Sacred Marriage. In unwavering commitment. Being respectfully treated. Open to love. Never being taken advantage of and never taking advantage of another. That would be a lovely fairy-tale. However, my life was not that.

I was 29 when I first heard of Sacred Marriage. It was in a retreat with my mentors Mary & Jonathan. I have been trying to sort out my relating issues for a while. It caused me a lot of pain. For all I knew were walls and insecurities. So I have never been in a long-term relationship. I just kept failing through the cracks, falling deeper and deeper into the pain of being alone.

It was my BIGGEST dream - to find a man and be in an intimate relationship! The fairy-tale of eternal love. I craved it. I wanted it.

I was slightly programmed by society - it is important, you cannot end up alone! You have to get married! But I also wanted it.

You know what I have never realised though?! Is how much your relationship to yourself influences everything on the outside. The father issues, mother wounds, resulting resistance to fall in love, or trust. All of that was in my baggage that I have been carrying around. And on this retreat, I have realised that I have NEVER looked men in the eyes!

I was scared!

I was terrified of being seen.

I was terrified to be vulnerable.

I was terrified to have anyone close to me.

No wonder I was not getting anywhere!

I was driven by fear of men!

They have hurt me in the past and I COMPLETELY closed up. I walked down the street and not looked one man in the eye. I turned away. I kept myself at a safe distance.

It seems so trivial. Yet it was quite profound. You would not notice it maybe right away but it was reflected in my body language, in the words I spoke, even how I followed up or not followed up on messages from men. I kept them at a distance. And they stayed there.

I had some serious fear to face.

And it came up in the retreat.

There was a man!

I noticed him right away. Tattoos, fairly tall, handsome and fit. Very fit actually. And I was afraid.

So I sat next to him…. Lol

I do have courage that randomly comes through. And it did on this day.

From there, everything became blurry. I felt the resistance the whole time. Bubbling up inside of me. I was keeping to myself. Keeping quiet. Just enough to be part of the retreat. But not too much to expose myself.

Until there was an exercise. And I got paired with that guy.

How poetic!

I felt sooooo uncomfortable!

But again, the courage kicked in and I kinda felt - it is either now or I will be in pain forever. So we started eyegazing! I wanted to look away. I wanted to give into my fear. I wanted to get up and run. I wanted to do anything, just not look into his eyes.

I took a breath. And he kept looking at me. Both of us were feeling uncomfortable. God knows what was happening for him. I was too deep into my process.

I took another deep breath. I kept looking into his eyes and I was calming down a bit. But this was a meditation. So Mary was guiding us deeper and deeper into our truth. Into our hearts. Into our soul. Exploring what is truly there.

And my fear unleashed its full power. I was at the crossroad. Another deep breath.

I can either get up and leave or I can change my life and face what scares me - men.

One man in front of me was the representation of all of them.

And right there I decided - I am going to believe that it is SAFE to be SEEN. As I am. In my truth. My core. My essence.

I cried and cried. Tears of release started to run down my cheeks. And I kept looking into his eyes. Falling deeper and deeper into the safety of that connection.

That single decision changed everything!

He was the absolutely first man who I felt safe with. He was like an angel coming to my rescue at the right time. Offering the safe space for me to move through my resistance.

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Moments like these have been shaping my life ever since! The path of Sacred Marriage means coming back to oneself, to the purity of who you are. So then you can embody it in a romantic relationship, even with friends, your community or God. It is a lifelong journey!

I have not been perfect ever since. Nope! Not at all! This was one of the first gateways I have gone through, followed by hundreds of other realisations.

It is a spiritual journey as much as a journey of learning some basic skills of communication or connection. And it is also all about COMMITMENT!

Sacred Marriage is not for the faint hearted. Not for those who run away when difficulties arise but for those who are willing to stay and work it out, no matter what! The commitment becomes the driving force. Because you have someone’s back. You are committed to the person, not to the ideal of the relationship. And with that comes transformation.

This is what drives me forward - creating relationships that MEAN SOMETHING. Unwavering commitment, real sisterhood, real brotherhood and LOVE that overcomes anything.

I looooove LOVE!

This is the LOVE I have been always dreaming of.

And I have been fortunate to find my way to it.

I will forever pave my path forward in the Sacred Marriage to my partner, to my friends, to my family, to nature, to Earth.

And my only wish is that by doing so, I might inspire others who are seeking the same answers, to walk the path with me!

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So where is the love?

Everywhere.