When Should You Give Up?

One of the biggest challenges in life is knowing when to let go and when to keep trying, no matter how impossible the challenges appear to be.

After thirteen years of infertility after the death of my first daughter from SIDS, I was pretty much ready to be done with the dream of raising our biological child.

We had done so many failed treatments, and I was now 39 years old. Time was time running out.

Fast.

But I was scared that if we kept trying, we’d be disappointed.

The first round, I did get pregnant — but then I miscarried quickly.

We had frozen several embryos during the first cycle. So, we tried again, and this time I WAS PREGNANT. We thought the challenges were over.

Right?

After seven months of a challenging and life-threatening pregnancy due to placenta previa, I gave birth to my daughter six weeks early. We lived 2 hours away from the hospital, and after I was discharged, we made the drive back and forth every day. I was exhausted, pumping to get enough breast milk all day and night.

I missed my baby.

We were luckier than many preemie parents. We only had to make this trip for the two weeks she was in the hospital while she grew big enough to take home.

When we got home, we had the challenge of having a baby who gained weight slowly.

Despite my desire to breastfeed exclusively, I had to supplement to get her weight up.

I felt like a failure. I wasn’t good enough because my milk wasn’t enough to sustain her. But what no one tells you after loss and infertility, every challengest. During the first year of her life, I struggled with the fear of losing my daughter. The death of my first daughter from SIDS haunted me.

After every month passed, I breathed a sigh of relief.

Being a mother was who I was meant to be, even if it took 13 years to experience it again finally.

And this time was for keeps.

Looking at my seven-year-old sleep, I see the years of determination and a sense of hope despite all odds.

The fears and doubts I had all fell away.

I know there will be other challenges, normal ones, and unexpected ones, that I’ll face as a mother. But those challenges will be worth it.

I almost gave up hope that one last time, right before our last-ditch infertility treatment. But I couldn’t live with the regret that we hadn’t tried everything possible before letting go of that dream.

I’m so glad I didn’t let go of that dream.

Trying one more time after a series of failures can seem impossible.

Taking another chance opened me up to a life of possibility and hope. It’s a type of hope I wish everyone could experience in their darkest moments.

When you are struggling to decide whether or not to give up or go on, consider this:

Can you walk away believing you have tried enough?

To be at peace with yourself, it might mean trying one last time.

Just one smile from my daughter reminds me how worthwhile that last try can be.

I recently asked my husband what he was most proud of me for. He said, “Because you never gave up.”

He said my perseverance had given us so much joy, more than he ever expected.

My perseverance wasn’t easy. I had doubts all along the way, and I gave up more than once. But I never wanted to live the rest of my life with regret.

I never wanted to say I hadn’t tried.

You aren’t always going to get what you want in life. And sometimes giving up an old dream and getting a new one is the best choice.

But if a dream keeps you up at night and you can’t give up during the day, you owe yourself to try until there’s no more try possible.

And then try a little more.

Because a life of regret is worse than a life of disappointment.