What's Not Your Type - Chapter 2

This is the type you block and never again have any contact with. Ever. They can go unnoticed to the untrained eye depending on their maturity level and are usually interested in only one thing. Yes you know it. Some of you old timers might be okay with this type as you both are on the same page but to the romantics I say Beware! This one you want to keep at an arm’s distance.

An instagram post caught my eye the other day. It was by a prominent dating app (those promoted ones ofcourse) that talked about when is the right time to talk about sex with the person you are dating. Do they not know the dating style of the average male? Let me quote some of the choicest of phrases from a dating app that lets you talk about yourself a bit. Sign of a great first date is if there is making out involved. Or my language of love is Physical Touch! That one makes my skin crawl. While the instagram post talked about doing STD checks and what not to take the sensuality out of the topic completely and turn into a sex ed talk, I don’t think anybody has that kind thought process. If they do, they will probably be labelled uptight or fun sucker. As the fairer sex, I feel we tend to overthink the fun part and might end up sacrificing more than we ought to as far as intimacy is concerned. Especially for me, if I like the person and am attracted to him I would not mind a hug or even a kiss “(no tongue). But it is this moment where I have been groped more than once and it qualifies as the biggest red flag of all.

Thirsty people are a kind that usually have profiles on multiple dating apps and are not looking for anything serious. Or maybe they are but with so many options out there why not dip the beak, eh? I have no idea if such people have a type or any definition of a life partner. What makes them tick and go from “I am a fuck man” to “I take thee as my lawfully wedded…”. Yes there is that overpowering urge to believe “But he has not met anyone like me yet and he will change his ways just to be with me” (read it out loud in a whiny high pitched voice). This type can probably branch off into sexual predator, pervert or sex addict categories as well. So my dear romantics, beware!

Of Course there are some of us who match this energy and are only looking to, for lack of a better term, get laid so these thirsty people cast a wider net to catch the ones who fit their bill. I guess what I am trying to say is we can only avoid such a type and cannot fully believe anyone is into us unless they respect that the decision to be intimate has to be mutual. That does not involve STD test discussion or how comfortable I am with being fondled. The general idea is to find someone that matches our energy. I like my solace but is being with someone else better or not is the question that I try to answer. If physical attraction is there then great! But can I be with him 24*7?

Story time. Met this guy because he was super pushy. He acted like he was totally spellbound by my intelligence and beauty and tried to get me to meet him pronto. I would never go to a stranger’s house for a first date. All red flags so far but he was smart, educated and good looking. The innate desire to not be a fun sucker crept in and I finally gave in when he proposed to meet at a restaurant. Public places ought to be safe, right? The conversation was easy and there was a shyness that made me giddy. He suggested we get a drink after food and then a walk and kept coming up with things to do till I said let’s call it an evening. He walked me back, I went in for a hug, he went in for a kiss and I liked it but I got groped next. It was weird and unsettling. What part of the evening suggested that I was onboard with that? Now I liked him so I said nothing and went home. Then the sexting started and I called it out. What happened next was something I have never experienced before.

During previous dates, if I felt or saw how thirsty the person was I would simply remove them from my dating app or other social media platforms. The result was a silent sayonara or just a take care text. But this guy….he started defending himself and stated it as an interesting strategy. I was clearly intrigued as never before had a person defended his honour like that. I stated I am clearly not the type of person he is looking for and he said he was looking for something more than just a quick fuck. He was articulate, good grammar, very witty analogies and nerd vibes. I just had to give him a second chance. But the conversation dwindled. It had no substance anymore and he simply texted randomly in a day about how my work was or how my day was going. I had been sick that week and no questions about my health. Slowly he became a total bore. And what’s with adding an “LOL” to every text? When did it become a common practice to emote and show you are connected by adding in an abbreviation in repeat. Lol. See what I did there? Lol

I basically went to Reddit and read articles on why people include “lol” or “haha” in every sentence. My analytical brain just had to research it and apparently there is a whole theory around it. Check it out sometime in your free time or maybe if you are a serial Loler then you can get some help from it. It is infuriating to deal with lols. Anyway, this person was adept at loling and it felt like he was keeping one toe on the mound so he doesn’t get striked out. If you do not have the capacity to appreciate the time and energy I invest in connecting with you, then you are a waste of space for me. This sentiment dawned on me gradually and I had to cleanse my palate with some good follow up dates.

Yet, after a week of silence post me calling him annoying he texted that he was sorry but in view of karma he had to come clean. He did not see our personalities meshing and was sorry that he could no longer….send me empty texts? And had the audacity to apologise for ghosting me. I sent him a lol back stating I agree. Is this something insecure men do to make themselves feel better for being rejected? Or is he living in a bubble where he is the bees knees and lives to pollinate one flower to the next? Hope one day he realises what he lacks or rather someone kindles his flame.

Moral of the story- Get a second opinion. I forwarded the texts from this person and the way he reacted to my best friend and she gave me a pretty good critical assessment. Because she is not biased or likes kissing the guy so she judged him simply on the basis of the content that I provided (screenshots). We might not think straight all the time when we are attracted to someone and nobody is a mind reader. It is human to be wanted by someone we like and instead of sacrificing our standards and sanity, let’s just take a step back and reassess how we could have been treated better or what part of an action/conversation felt alien to us. Because that is the moment when the other person lets their true intention slip and our body reacts on instinct. Never ever ignore it. Bring it to light, magnify it, take it apart piece by piece and go back in for more conclusive data but never let go of that nagging feeling. When you are convinced with the results you get, tell that guy “Sorry but you’re not my type”.