What's Not Your Type

I think it's the pain and suffering that drive you to become an artist. The art itself should be the pain, sort of exorcising every demon and making you feel like you're a person that matters - Marilyn Manson

So what’s NOT your type?

It’s not everyday you get asked that question. So what made me write about it? Simple answer- I have yet to meet my type and in the process I have accumulated so much data on what I want to avoid. Maybe us romantics can use it as a guide to avoid the false alarms, fastened heart rates, premature emotional outbursts, first date euphoria (like assembling the perfect outfit to knock his socks off!) , warm morning texts and the occasional kiss emoji expectations. I was surprised how these little things creeped into a daily, peaceful single life and messed up many a good weekend.

Coming back to the title - What’s NOT your type? In other words, how not to end up with a person you do not want. I think it’s a concept that would work for anyone but as a woman I am simply sharing my perspective. It might sound like I am whining in certain parts but what better way to vent than share the findings with people who have been there and done that? I heard it in Crazy ex-girlfriend first (pretty good show until season 2) that women tend to imprint on men first if there is an emotional connection and that makes us settle for someone who was not exactly what we wanted. More like blind to all the red flags. Do not confuse red flags with short comings. No one is perfect and if you set out with a rigid list of predefined parameters then you are making yourself more susceptible to ignoring red flags. For example, you find the perfect dress for an occasion (color and fit) and it is on sale and those were the only three parameters you had in mind but you overlooked the fact that it is a backless dress and you wear a 34DD. Get it?

Personally, I used to have a list of what qualifies as my type and gradually my experiences shed away all my inhibitions and made me more open minded. The analogy of finding something when you’re not looking for it holds true here. Need a pair of black shoes but cannot find any and then one day when you don’t need them anymore, you find them everywhere. So I have dated tall, short, dark, white, chubby, bi-polar, crackpot, underachiever, primadonnas, etc. and all of them had one thing in common (not talking about anatomy here). They were charming and were not shy about approaching me. So, one thing is for sure that I do like men who make the first move. After that, my brain malfunctions and defaults to “True love’s first kiss” setting. Remember, we want men, we don’t need them (Gal Gadot in Wonder Woman has a wonderful scene explaining this in detail) but you need to NEED the right one.

Do you have what it takes to look outside of your current status and face the facts? It’s true that people change and at times we do have the power to make a better person out of someone, but at 30 I am barely a person. Also, I am turning into the man I would like as we slowly become so independent that the vulnerability factor which men tend to find appealing becomes nonexistent. I am not saying my pearls of wisdom would give anyone a fool proof system on how to avoid the mistakes, but hope we can compare notes and empathize about dates/relationships/fantasy weddings gone wrong.

You really need to feel the pain to create content! I think Taylor Swift would agree too. No wonder her songs are so on fleek.