What's in it for Me?

This article may be a little lengthy because there is so much content to cover. It took me a while to write on a subject of this nature. I had to be sure that my own past demons of bitterness from my marriage was well past me. I will try my best to highlight general concerns that men have, and remember, these are only opinions no matter how close to factual what I speak about may seem. I tell you most of these concerns come from financial fear and hitting the "reset" button on life, but a great deal of the general concerns come from the power of the family courts that can take a man's life by the simple stroke of the gavel.

Now I stress the power of the family courts because if anything about starting life over is more painful, its starting life at the mercy of a court system that has no special interest in the family. There are some cases such as abuse and neglect, so I don't want to devalue the authenticity that are fueled by legit claims that are out there. However, there is a major flaw when a person can make a damaging claim against another person and not have to face penalized repercussions when they fail to prove those claims. The numbers speak for themselves with greater than 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, I would say most family courts automatically assume that the mother has sole custody of the children. I use to think that men use to exaggerate about the lop-sided decisions family courts would lay out until I saw the system first-hand. Men are at mercy to the courts at the slightest utter of abuse, stalking, or anything a judge may seem to be harmful to the women filing the divorce. The majority of the laws are in place to support a woman's cry and to support her displeasure without proper validation of any accusation. Again, I'm staying away from personal examples to avoid coming across as bitter. However, the stumbling blocks for men are out there and dealing with this at an age of 40 or older, is the last thing a man wants to see in his life. Men are simple and very family oriented! We don't like change and we address problems to maintain the house in a peaceful manner. Men at the age of 40 plus, take these things into consideration when dealing with potential mates primarily because it is something that they have experienced once before, and don't want to deal with this drama again in their mid to late 50s.

Life is hard! Starting over at 52 is a great difference from starting over at 38 or 45. So often men move differently when it comes to making long-term commitments because we need to know if women are going to be there for the long haul, and not break wind at the moment of her first disappointment. Men are thinking about what they want to have in place for retirement and what does life look like during post-career, not staring over after he was "drained" by the family courts with the possibility of looking for a new place to live.

So men are looking for women who are stable-minded and with their morals set in place. Situations are going to always be there. Most men look for women that are grounded in life, and can maneuver through those situations with a great balance of logic and emotions.

So ladies, there are some things that needs to be taken into consideration when dating a man that is 40 and older. Respect his past and move with the knowledge that he may use caution in every aspect of the relationship because staring over is not comfortable at this age range. Be very mindful when it comes to the right of changing minds and difference of opinions because men suffer far more than women do with if comes to divorce. Marriage is hard work and boring at most times. The routine and the day to day affairs can be challenging. So understand the mindset of men when they are hesitant about marriage after the age of 40. We require simple dialog and signs that a woman will display to manner to stick with us through "thick and thin" and not head for the hills the first time it rains.