We Love Each Other, but We Quarrel Quite Often

First of all, you need to know that every couple faces quarrels between partners - some more often, some less often. There is NO couple in which the two do not have misunderstandings, different points of view, different opinions.

Those couples envied by many, who seem perfect and in harmony, keep their problems hidden from the world, solve their difficulties inside the couple, and do not let them transpire outside.

Each of the partners of a couple is different, they were formed in a different environment, they developed differently, they had contact with other people, values, norms, situations in life. Which is nice, even healthy for a relationship. So are the occasional quarrels: they allow you to express yourself, to relax, to release your frustrations.

It shows that you are not completely dependent on your partner and that you have not allowed yourself to be too much influenced by his personality. You must remain, with your personality, preferences, beliefs, opinions, not let yourself be transformed! It is normal to quarrel with your partner from time to time, as long as it doesn't happen very often (say, too often it would be every week) and as long as you don't let the quarrel move you away from each other.

We love each other, but we often argue - advice

Relationship changes. When a quarrel arises about essential changes in your couple - moved in together, marriage, children - this is normal. Everyone has a different perspective, different expectations for the future.

You may be in different stages of the couple's relationship: one is ready to move on to another, another is not. It's not a bad thing - just as long as you want similar things in the distant future. Get used to having a calm discussion from which to learn something after an argument about the future of the relationship and after you have released all your nerves!

Pause. Before you start yelling at each other, stop! Feel when the tension builds up and when you are about to explode. Take a short break and each goes to another room or even for a short walk in the fresh air (separately).

Think about why you were so upset and how you could approach the situation rationally. Do you still feel the need to scream? Remember pleasant memories with your partner when you feel closer to him/her than anyone else. Do you want to yell at this person, hurt them?

Different partners. Do you argue because you are very different and don't like the same things? Do you never agree with your daily activities? Look for new things you can do together (apart from sex), things that you both like.

If he doesn't like to dance, don't take him to the club for anything. If she can't stand SF movies, don't insist! Accept the differences and emphasize the similarities. It is not bad to be different, it is bad when no one is willing to look for activities, things in common.

The hidden reasons for the quarrel. Is it true that many of your quarrels start for trivial reasons, even stupid ones? This is because there is another dissatisfaction, a hidden reason, and one of you was previously irritated and is just looking for an excuse to express your dissatisfaction.

Every person has a problem with their partner: it can be about the place where they go, activities, friends, the way they dress, behave… There is no couple where everything seems beautiful and perfect to the other!

Each of you has an appearance that triggers his nerves: he plays on the computer instead of sitting with you, he goes for a beer with friends instead of sitting with you, he throws his clothes on the floor; she goes to the dance and irritates you that she goes alone or, on the contrary, that she carries you after her, she spends money on shopping, she constantly talks about a ring…

In every couple, there is a problem, the problem that causes quarrels only seemingly related to other aspects. Realize that no one is perfect and try to accept the annoying side of the other! Maybe you don't understand at all why he has to go with the boys so often; maybe you don't understand why she goes out dancing. But you don't have to understand, you just have to accept! Another partner would have his irritating aspect - if you do not learn to accept evil with good, you will never have a peaceful relationship.

Satisfaction for the moment. As soon as something doesn't work for you, tell the other person openly! No matter how small, insignificant your dissatisfaction seems to you, share it. Because if you keep it in you, it grows, ferments, and explodes! Will, you take your partner by surprise then, after days: "do you remember when you did…" ?!

Ugly words. In a quarrel, one can end up with ugly words thrown at the other to shut his mouth, words that you would not normally say. Words you don't even believe. So, don't worry about the unpleasant things you said during the fight - they will only lead to another quarrel!

Sex. Don't forget the sex of reconciliation! It is a real ritual that will help you get rid of the traces of tension and restore your harmony, intimacy. In addition, an active sex life generally helps a relationship to be maintained, helping partners get rid of frustrations.

Avoiding tension. Many quarrels start when one of the partners feels unappreciated. If you show him appreciation, compliments, affection, the tensions between you will be harder. As you behave, so you are answered! Try for a week to say something beautiful every day - a compliment, a word of love - to the other! So is it better between you?

Jealousy. We love each other, but we quarrel quite often because one is very jealous? Many quarrels arise for this reason. Keep your jealousy under control. Don't check on the other person because that's how you show him you don't trust him.

Realize that this emotion comes from you, not the other person, from doubts about you and your self-confidence. Stop and think: did the other person give you any real, objective, concrete reason to be jealous? Or is it just your mind? If so, calm down, reminisce about intimate moments between you and the other, and realize what a beautiful relationship you have.

Rules. It is good to establish some rules of coexistence early in a couple's life. As soon as you move in together, make clear the rules: who and what they do. Because many couples quarrel because they can't share the tasks fairly at home. When misunderstandings arise, always compromise: everyone loses something, everyone gains something. A relationship in which only one wins cannot work harmoniously.

After an argument, don't care who won: there is no win here! Try to think about where it started, to learn something about the other and yourself. Next time, maybe you can calm your nerves and talk more calmly.