The Main Reasons Why Fear Sets in a Relationship

Why does fear appear in a relationship, why do we sometimes face confused feelings, fear, even panic? Let's distinguish, first of all, between the two great fears in a relationship: the fear of being cheated/abandoned and the fear of involvement!

The emotions of fear appear either because we care a lot about our partner, the relationship means (almost) everything for us, or because, on the contrary, we are not sure where this relationship leads us and if we are ready for it!

Fear of being abandoned/deceived.

Almost everyone faces this type of fear in a relationship at some point. Do you sometimes find yourself thinking that he may be cheating on you? Wondering why he/she is with you when he/she can be with someone else? Do you form various mental scenarios as if he/she is with someone else?

When he tells you "we need to talk", you immediately jump to the worst conclusion - that he will break up with you? It means that you care a lot about the relationship, which is good! But it also means that you do not know how to control your negative emotions, that you have problems with self-esteem, and that you do not see the good things!

See what others see in you!

Do you sometimes think that you are not good enough in general and good enough for your partner, that he might find someone more attractive/intelligent/funny? Do you often feel unfulfilled, dissatisfied with yourself, are you never satisfied with what you do, how you do it, how you look? Work on your self-image! Where you are not satisfied, do not complain, but try to improve.

And appreciate your goodness as others do. He/she is not with you in vain. He saw something beautiful in you and you must see that something. Value your good traits and diminish your negative ones. Don't focus on what you don't like, but on what you like - first and foremost in your thinking. If you trust yourself, you will be optimistic, you will show your best, you will behave as such and others (including your partner) will see what you see!

Trust him/her.

Get to know your partner, talk to him/her, get used to being honest. Try to be confident - not everyone is lying and no one wants to hurt you, much less him/her. Realize that the human mind is constructed in such a way that it presents you with the worst-case scenario at first - for example, when you think about why you canceled a meeting or why you are late. But what the mind projects are far from reality.

Learn to control these mental scenarios, these negative thoughts. Think that if we are constantly afraid of something, we seem to be attracted to it. So live the moment - yes, it's not a cliché! You have no way of knowing what will happen and there is no point in thinking about bad things and feeding your fear into a relationship! What will be, will be, try to enjoy where you are now and the relationship. And when in doubt, try to eliminate them and avoid checking him/her - nothing good comes out if he/she realizes that you don't trust him/her!

"I love you".

Create an open and loving relationship. Express your affection and appreciation for your partner through gestures and words and you will be answered in the same way. If you show them how much you admire him/her, you will help the relationship to grow. But don't suffocate him/her with affection and words of love, keep a limit!

Fear of involvement

Fear in a relationship can have another meaning, as opposed to the previous one. Do you think things are going fast for you? He/she already has big plans, but you still don't know what you want and if you want the same things?

Does your hair fall out of your arms only when you hear the word "marriage"? It's not necessarily a bad sign, this kind of fear in a relationship can only show that you are on different levels in the couple's perception - you still haven't gotten where the other is, you want to take it easier.

See how important the couple is.

Analyze your relationship, think about how important this is to you, what it means in your life and how important the other is. You love, you care about the other person, you see him/her in the future, but do you need time? If this is the case, try to calm things down, reduce his enthusiasm - for example, when he starts a discussion about moving in together, tell him that it will be nice, but after a long time.

When you talk about it, tell her honestly, but as nicely as possible, that you still feel young and unprepared for the future. Tell her how much you care about the relationship and how much you like things the way they are now. Tell him you're getting there for sure, but slower.

You just want a superficial relationship.

If you have thought and realized that you do not want to have a stable relationship, that your partner is not very important to you at this time of your life, you owe him sincerity! If he/she wants more and has plans, and you are sure that you do not want the same thing, you should tell him/her not to waste his / her time.

Most likely, the relationship will end, so consider carefully how much it matters to you! Is it easier to get over the fear of involvement or separation?

The root of fear in a relationship.

Why are you really afraid? Because you don't know if you'll be happy once the relationship progresses? Or because you are not sure that he/she is the person for you? In the latter case, you need some time to think carefully and analyze your feelings. In the first case, realize that change is not always bad! Fear of change is normal, but the mind is exaggerating. Are you afraid of becoming a boring and tiring couple?

Realize that if others become like that, you don't have to limit yourself. Everything, everything belongs to you. They are stable couples who have a great time, because their partners are compatible, understand each other, accept each other, and have not forgotten to enjoy life.

Visualize your future with him/her, but this time, try an optimistic scenario: what do you see so horrible? If you love him/her, nothing will be scary, but you have to make it clear to him/her that you will take it slowly.